37. Thirty seven
Me, my friends and Alex are all hanging out at my house and it's one of those moments of being completely content again. We're in my living room all watching TV. All three of my friends are on my couch, I'm on Alex's lap in the arm chair, he's fiddling with my hand and twisting my ring around on my finger.My dad keeps coming in and out of the room, joking with us all and bringing us drinks and snacks. Johanna and Alex are arguing over something but you can tell they're not actually angry. Alice and Carrie are both laughing over some app on Carrie's iPad. And I'm sat enjoying all of their company at the same as not really being a part of it but I don't mind. I just want to sit here and watch all of them interact and get along.
But at the same time I know I am a part of it because I see the way Johanna rolls her eyes at me when Alex makes a stupid argument and I can see the way Alice looks at me with a sort of pride in her eyes when Alex kisses me on the cheek, like she's happy for me, and I can see the way Carrie laughs at Alex's jokes and then looks at me like I've found somebody good. Their approval has always been the main part of a lot of things for me.
Later that night once Alex has gone home and me and my friends have been having a sleepover for a few hours, Johanna says "I like Alex" and Carrie and Alice both nod in agreement.
"I'm glad." I say, smiling.
"It's kind of amazing to see you two together." Alice adds.
"I know right, never saw it coming."
Alice laughs. "Well yeah, but I didn't mean that. I just mean you two really really like each other. Like, I can't imagine one of you without the other anymore."
I smile. This is beyond approval. This is them happy about Alex and that's more than I could have wished for.