You can't decide whether money changes things or not; it does. You can decide, however, whether it changes things for better or worse.


61. Sixty one

Over the next couple of weeks, Dad starts to get better. He can talk properly again and he's properly himself again. I have my dad back. He still finds it a little difficult to walk and has to use a walking stick to get around and that's why we have to go and live with my grandma now. I thought we were just going to stay with her for a few weeks over spring break but Dad and Jennifer said it's not as simple as that and that we'll be staying there for a lot longer. It's too far away for Alex and I to keep being together. There's just nothing else to it really. 

Saying goodbye is the worst. 

I half discovered this when we all went to say goodbye to Jem at the airport the other week but walking up Alex's driveway to say goodbye to him is so much worse. I don't want to leave him behind, that's not what's meant to happen. We fit each other, it's not natural for us to just forget about each other now. His mum lets me in and tells me he's in the music studio. 

I start shaking a little when I walk into the music studio. There are so many memories in here, so many feelings associated with this one room. Memories I'm going to have to try and push to the back of my mind. He's sat at the piano and he looks up at me. 

"What are you working on?" I ask. 

"My debut album. We'll have to make this quick, Eminem is going to be here soon for our collaboration." he jokes. 

I force a little laugh but the two of us are so sad that it's not anywhere near convincing. 

"Come here." he says softly, standing up. I step towards him and hug him tight. 

"My grandma and my dad are in the car outside." I mumble. "I came over here on our way to her house."

"So you came over to say goodbye?"

I nod and he sighs. 

"I think I knew that." he says.

"This is so wrong." I complain.

He holds me closer and we don't say anything for a while. There's just not a lot to say apart from eventually, I love you and goodbye and then I am walking out of that room and out of that house, away from him as fast as I possibly can before it can hurt. It doesn't matter how fast I leave him, the fact that I had to leave him at all was the part that hurt and I can't stop that.

"Oh stop your crying." my grandma says as I get into the backseat of her car. "It was just a boyfriend. Don't be such a baby."

"Just because you hated my mother for no good reason doesn't mean you have to take that out on me." I snap angrily.

"Kaya." Dad warns. 

I sigh heavily and sit back in my seat but my grandma just keeps on going on about the fact that I need to get a grip of myself and grow up and I just sit there silently, still crying. I don't want any of this.

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