You can't decide whether money changes things or not; it does. You can decide, however, whether it changes things for better or worse.


58. Fifty eight

I'm in my dad's hospital room that night. Apparently there's no progress but then Jennifer the nurse tells me that there's also nothing going wrong as if to make up for the fact that my dad's still in a coma. She leaves me to it after that and I feel all hopeless all over again. For a while, I kind of got used to it, it was just how things were. But not anymore, now I want to talk to my dad again. I want to talk to him and laugh with him and see him tease me about liking boys again and see his knowing smiles whenever I bring up Jem and I want to see him and Jem get along again and I want him to kiss my cheek goodnight. 

"Wake up." I say to him and a tear trickles down my cheek. "Dad, this is getting stupid now, just wake up!"

Obviously nothing happens even though I wish he would just open his eyes and say anything to me. 

"I have no idea if you can hear me or not but there's a damn good chance you can and I just want to say that I have lost my best friend in the world, I have been treating Jem like crap even if he hasn't realised it and right now, Alex is living with me and I'm pretty sure I'm still in love with him and you have left me with all this stress and without a parent, so please just wake up." I say in an angry rush and then I realise that I'm angry at him when I shouldn't be and I feel bad all over again. I'm crying when Jennifer comes in again. 

"Kaya, sweetie." she says, frowning. "You have a visitor."

I put my head in my hands. "Tell him to go away."

"It's not a him." she says. "She said her name's Johanna."

I look up. At first I think that I should tell her to leave because I can't deal with stupid drama right now. But then I realise that telling her to leave would be stupid drama. I'm done with not being friends with her anymore. If I could forgive Alex, I can definitely forgive her. I just miss us being nice and caring towards each other. I thank Jennifer and find Johanna stood in the hallway. I want to rush over and hug her but I stand a fair distance away. It's nice to see her without me being angry with her and without her being angry with me. 

"Hi." I say timidly. 

"Hi." she says just as formally and then she sighs, frowning sympathetically. "Oh Kay, I am so so so sorry."

She walks towards me and hugs me tight. I start crying all over again. The whole drama is behind us now, she is just being my best friend and I am being hers. We sit down in the corridor and I tell her everything that has been going on, even about Alex staying and the fact that it's not even strange to tell her that just reassures me that we're properly friends again. She tells me everything about her life too. She says how she's sad that Jem is going home next week and I tell her I'm sad about it too, because I am. Jem and I discussed that earlier today. I wasn't sad because I was shocked, because I wasn't shocked. It was always going to happen. I'm just sad that it's finally happening. She tells me about all the gossip she's heard and says she's secretly been dying to tell me and I say I've secretly been curious to hear it all. 

"It's your half birthday today!" she says out of nowhere at one point. 

My eyes widen. "Oh yeah."

We always celebrated half birthdays by us four all having a sleepover. We missed hers this time around which I'm kind of sad about. 

"We'll have a little gathering this weekend!" she says excitedly. "Me, you, Alice, Carrie, Jem and Alex."

I hesitate. "You don't have to invite Alex."

"It's fine." she says earnestly. "Alex and I are fine. We're having a half birthday celebration this weekend. Leave it all up to me."

We stay in the hospital together all night, just talking and asking about each other and that's the great thing about our friendship and that's the thing I've missed the most. We can just talk to each other about each other and that shows we care and caring is important.

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