I immediately regretted my decision getting into Luke's car. I was doing so well avoiding him and putting him in the past and now it was just going to be him and I. "Where are we going?" I said as soon as Luke got into the car. "Well I just wanted to go somewhere and talk so would you mind if we just went to my hotel?" I nodded and we drove back to Luke's hotel. The car ride was silent as I just spent the time looking out the window with a million thoughts flowing through my head. Luke tried to start up a conversation a few times but all I did was bob my head or reply with one word answers.
When we got to Luke's hotel we took another awkward elevator ride up to his large hotel room. It was a few rooms connected together with a kitchen and living room in the middle with three drunk band mates passed out on the couch. Luke turned around to me and put one finger on his mouth letting me know to keep it down. We tiptoed to a side bedroom where he quietly closed the door and went to a dresser. He handed me a pair of shorts and tshirt, "here I thought you might be more comfortable in these." I took them out of his hand and walked off to a bedroom and put them on. I swear that boy grows every time he blinks because his clothes kept getting bigger and bigger on me. After I put them on I washed off some of my makeup revealing my black eye again and scars again. I looked in the mirror, I looked homeless.
I quietly walked back into the bedroom to see Luke sitting on the bed. He gave me a half smile, the kind where you look so sad but you're trying to be happy. I walked over and sat down next to him wrapping my arms around him hugging him tight. "Vanessa..." He started "Luke can you just shut up and hold me for one minute." I said cutting him off. He let out a soft laugh and held me real tight. I missed his arms holding me, I always felt so safe and even though I didn't want to forgive him and I was mad at him his hugs made me feel as if everything in the world was ok. I broke off our hug as we just sat there on his bed. He looked down on me and our eyes locked his blue eyes watery. "You know you don't have to pity me right Luke?" He looked confused. "What do you mean?" "I mean I know you feel bad about what happened but you don't have to act like I'm a child. I appreciate it but getting back together Luke you don't have to trust me I will be fine." I said getting straight to the point. It was true Luke shouldn't feel pressured to get back together with me just because of what happened. "But I want to Vanessa." "But Luke you don't have to. You broke up with me and I know I made stupid decisions but I will be ok I won't make them again." It was silent of a minute. "I should have never left you." He whispered. "Luke..." I started before he cut me off, "I didn't leave you because I stopped loving you Vanessa, you need to know that. I left because I loved you so much and I knew that if we stayed together I would be holding you back. I thought someone could be and would be better for you, someone who would be there for you more often, someone more successful and someone with a more stable life but now I see that someone didn't and that he was a fucking piece of shit and didn't treat you like the wonderful beautiful girl you are and it fucking kills me so much if I hadn't decided to leave you that would have never happened." It was silent again. "It hurt when you left." I paused, "you know we wouldn't be here if you weren't told about the accident." That looked like it actually hurt him. "I know. It shouldn't have happened that way but in a way I'm glad it did because I now can stop hurting and be with you." "You can stop hurting now? You can stop hurting? Luke I was fucking disaster when you left. Why the fuck would you leave if you still 'loved me'?" "Vanessa I'm a fucking piece of shit and we both know that this career move of mine was dangerous and that you were going to be so successful and I fucking love you so much and singing all those god damn songs every night hurt because all I could think about was you and I thought that you probably moved on and that you were doing ok and hopefully falling for someone better and that I would just have to be unhappy in order for you to be happy. When I heard that guy was hurting you I was ready to fucking kill him because no one can hurt someone as perfect as you and seeing you in pain like that seeing you in the hospital like that killed me because if I hadn't given up that would have never happened and it's my fault and I realized that I love you. I love you so much that I'm not going to let you go and I know you are mad at me and I don't care because if it takes a whole lifetime for me to prove to you that we have to be together then darling I will wait for you." I started to cry. How did my life get so messed up. After looking down for a bit Luke lifted my head a bit before bringing me in for a kiss. It felt so right kissing him. Kissing Tyler felt so wrong we felt so distant even in the beginning and now everything felt so right. "Luke I still love you too." I said bawling my eyes out. He held me tight as we began to lie down in his bed me wrapped in his arms.
We were laying there for a moment his arms around me, me playing with his necklace like the old times. "Vanessa.." Luke said breaking our silence again. "I hate to ask but what happened while I was gone, what happened that night?" "I can't remember." I said. "Nothing at all?" I thought for a moment. "I remember going home to my parents house, I had to pick up some things I left. I remember seeing Alex and him wanting to talk and me ignoring him. My parents wanted to talk and when they said Tyler was no good for me and that you were actually better I lost it and screamed at them. I left and went to Tyler's where he gave me a drink." I started to remember everything putting myself in the place of the scene , "I remember him giving me this green drink I thought it was alcohol, he said I looked stressed and needed a drink, I thought it tasted funny but I was too upset to notice. I remember him trying to take my clothes off and kissing my neck," Luke cringed, "I pushed him back, I was too upset and all these messed up thoughts were going through my head. He got furious yelling at my screaming saying going on and on about you again and again and I had enough so I just yelled stop. He got upset and that's when he punched me in the face. He began to beat me over and over again calling me names. I suddenly felt really sick and threw up and when he finally kicked me one last time he stormed off. Yelling go fucking die. And I remember the room spinning and that's about it. I don't remember you coming to get me but I remember all that now." I said in shock remembering everything. I was so happy I finally remembered all that. After lying there for a moment we finally both drifted asleep.
I woke up with a missing Luke in the bed. I looked around the room with him no where to be seen. I walked to the door to see myself in the mirror. I looked absolutely horrible. I curls had fallen leaving them really messy, my eyes really red and puffy with thick black marks underneath were the makeup had not come off, and Luke's clothes basically eating me. Poor Luke had to see me like this in the morning, I would run away. I walked out the door to see all the guys messing around. "Vanessa!" Michael screamed running over to give me a hug. Man I really missed these guys. "How have you been?" Ashton said as the others ran over to give me a hug. "Fine." I said chuckling. Luke had the biggest smile on him face.
"So I was thinking you could show me around since you use to live here." Luke said pouring me a bowl of cereal. "Oh uh yeah. We could do that. Could I go to my apartment first and change." I said lifting my arms to show the large shirt on me. He laughed, "of course."
We drove back to my place and when I walked in I saw my parents with a look of glee on their face as they saw Luke walk in with me. I was surprised that they text or call me last night wondering where I was. I left Luke alone with my parents as I went into my room to changed. I threw on some shorts and a lacy top and threw my hair into a high pony and fixed my makeup a little bit and walked out hearing my parents and Luke talking. "So she didn't scream at night?" I heard my dad say. "No has she been?" Luke said. "Every night. It's from the nightmares." My mom said. I walked out acting as if I didn't hear anything. "Ready to go?" I said to him and I kissed my parents and we went off.
We drove around as I took him place to place. My old elementary school, junior high school, my old house. A new family had been living there but it looked about the same from the outside. We went to the old shopping mall I use to go to and lastly stopped at the park that my dad use to take me to all the time. We had gotten out and were walking by the giant pond. As we were walking I felt out hands brush and suddenly we were holding hands. A feeling I had missed so much. My stomach was a bit upset and my head was pounding but holding Luke's hand made me forget that. "Are we a thing again?" I said looking up at him. He laughed. "I was kinda hoping so." We paused for a moment. "As long as you're ok with that." He said. "I think I am." I said thinking. I didn't know whether being with Luke was such a good idea or not but right now I liked this feeling. "I was kind of hoping we could start over you know forget the past." He said. "I don't want to start over I like our past yeah it had a bump and the past had a bit of haunting part but I don't want to forget those memories. Especially the ones your wrote songs about." I said nudging him. He blushed a bit. "I was going to ask, I'm guessing you heard them." "I did." "And?" I laughed. "I loved every minute of of. Honestly it was a perfect album." A huge smile appeared on his face. I liked seeing him smile again. Their was so many things I missed about him, his smile, they way he laughed, the way he bit at his lip ring when he was nervous or thinking, the way his blue eyes sparkled.
"Luke what are we going to do when this weekend ends?" I said adding a bit of disappointment to our conversation. We had been walking for a while and I felt my body getting weak and my stomach and head pain getting a bit worse. I was out of shape I guess. "Well..." He started, "I was going to ask you would you want to come on the rest of the tour with me?" I let go of his hand and took a step back. I was completely shocked. "I-I..." "Before you say no Vanessa I know you have school and you can't just leave but Harvard offers online course for people traveling and studying you can study and be with me a travel. Vanessa I need you with me and I think you need me too. So what do you think?" Everything started to spin and I found it hard to breathe I tried to let words out but nothing was coming out I grabbed my stomach as I could feel the pain. My vision began to get blurry as I felt myself falling and heard a loud yell of Luke screaming "Vanessa! Someone please call an ambulance! Vanessa Vanessa!"