I’ve never believed in God, but for a moment, God sat on my desk and made comforting sounds. He was all white, almost transparent, and looked peacefully in my eyes. Stop crying.
I immediately stopped crying, like I had run out of tears. It doesn’t help a thing to cry, it’s a sign of weakness. What would Andrei be thinking?
Then I started to wonder. Am I all wrong? Am I sick and misshapen just because I’m in love with another guy? No, it’s this goddamn country, that’s for sure. They don’t know the first thing about happiness or values. I would call it selfish, and I’m sure it doesn’t happen in the civilised world. It must be a Russian thing.
Everything tingled in my bones. I looked at the desk, but God had vanished, if it was a God. My body seemed exhausted after being on fire, so I lay down for a second. The clock said 10.32 pm, and after all, I had classes the next day. I could think of justice. There’s no justice.
I woke up to a cloudy morning and a purring cat, an empty house and a cup of coffee. Exactly as I like it.
“You look a bit mad, what’s wrong?” Andrei and I stood in front of each other by the usual crossroads. The wind blew through the gap between us, and faded away.
“I had a dream last night… About justice.” I said and stared at my feet.
“That’s what we’re all dreaming about. There’s nothing to fear . The future is in our hands, after all. We’re still full of youth.” I send him an innocent grin, took his hand and walked away. Hopefully he’s right.