Niall Horan Point Of View (P.O.V)
I sit on the double king sized bed, the plush pillows scattered on it, and the ironed and clean duvet sheets neatly folded. Thanks to Kayleigh. Kayleigh was truly amazing, she was sweet, delicate, angelic, beautiful, hard working, loving, caring, kind, perfection in many ways. Sometimes I would really think, why would Kayleigh live with me? Me, with my many scars in life, and me with my cuts and thorns in my life. Me, who had killed someone, no, I do not mean it literally. I did not kill someone, as you would say murder anyone. That would be horrible, mean, terrible, horrific a nightmare. No. I had done much worse. I had hurt someone so badly, that every body had left them. I had made a guy lose every body who had loved him. I had made someone, all alone and lost on the streets. I had destroyed somebody life. I wonder how they feel now; Alone. Angry. Afraid. Sad. In pain and agony, all the time, and it hurting them a lot, destroying them, killing them. Probably feeling like ; . Nobody cared for them, and nobody loved them. I was all alone, and that was all I would ever be. That was how they would feel. I had destroyed somebody life. They would have felt so cold, and alone. So abandoned. Abandoned. Alone. Afraid. In pain and agony all the time. With anger and pure hatred running through there veins thinking about me, and hurting me. Every body had left him, all because of me. One small mistake had destroyed a man life. I bet he felt really angry, hating me. As I was rich, handsome, famous, loved, surrounded by my loved ones, happy, and forgetting about them, successful. But I had not really forgotten him.
Every time, every day. I felt like something was wrong with me, like a uneasy feeling of pain and guilt in me. I think of when Ebony was alive, and what she had then said to me.
I lay on the hospital bed, very tired and weary, from laying on the battered bed for long hard hours. Black lines out line my eye. I rub nervously at my eye, trying not to sleep. Even though I had the whole time to sleep. I couldn't. When Ebony had told me that she is my soul mates and that she loves me, and that she would not never in a million thousand years let me be with my love Kayleigh. That scared me, a lot. A question replays over and over in my mind, again and again. Did Ebony really mean that she loved me? How could she be my soul mate? She just couldn't. Could she? Of course not. Ebony never would in a million hundred years be my soul mate. It was not like Ebony was not pretty, because she was. She was really pretty, kind, sweet. But not the one for me. I had a soul mate, and a amazing one too, and her name was Kayleigh West-soon to be Horan, and I loved her really much. Could Ebony ever try and replace my beloved Kayleigh, to try and mask my true feeling for Kayleigh. I really just missed Kayleigh so much and still do. Everywhere I looked I saw her, her beautiful perfect face, her gorgeous brown glossy hair, her warm brown eyes that twinkle when they looks at me, her sweet heart warming smile. Everything. I missed seeing Kayleigh, miss talking to her, miss holding her in my arms, like we were the only ones in the world. Like she was mine, and mine only. I miss Kayleigh, she was the one who taught me to love, the one that made me feel loved, the one who loved me for being Niall, not Niall Horan teen pop sensation, the guy from one direction. She loved me for being me, being hungry, being funny. But most of all being me. I look through the window from the hospital. It is night time now. I can see the small silver stars dazzling and sparkling brightly among the dark scary sky. I close my eyes and make a wish:
To reunite with Kayleigh. To make sure that Kayleigh was happy and safe and sound. That me and Kayleigh would remain forever together as the perfect couple we are. We are the couple everyone wants to be, lovable, sweet, never fighting, always together. Always snuggled up and being happy.
I remember a moment, a month ago or so. I remember it so clearly. We had decided to go to the fun fair. Just me, Kayleigh and Jayden, and we had the most amazing time. We went on loads of roller coasters, and family rides too, like climbing on the elephant. I remember Kayleigh and Jayden on the pink elephant and me on the blue elephant, me snapping pictures at them, as the posed and smiled for the character. All of us eating some delicious pink candy floss, and special star sweets that star busted in your tongue. Us watching a movie, us watching a sweet calm family movie. It was "Finding Nemo". I remember the bit where at the beginning, Marlin had watched his wife getting killed right in front of his eyes, and he had remained powerless. When Marlin was searching amongst his damaged eggs, eggs that wouldn't become fishes. There was that one egg, which was not broken or damaged and that become Nemo. I remembered Kayleigh snuffling into me, tears splashing down her face. When I had asked her if she was crying. She lied and said who cries for Nemo. But I secretly knew that she did.
I suddenly hear a pair of loud footsteps approaching my room. I was the only one in the room, and then decided whoever had come. They had come for me. I open my eyes and looks around the dark room. Who could it be? I thought, that question floated around my mind. My eyes dart around the room, looking carefully around the room.
"Hello, whoever it is outside my room. Please come out. Show yourself be brave like a man. Don't be a chicken. I am not afraid of you" I exclaim loudly, in a loud tone, my voice echoing around.
Trying to remain brave and confident. I stare wide open as the door creaks open. I see a lumbering shadow looming outside. A scary unsettled feeling creeps through me, running through my veins. I wipe a sweat that trickles down my face. I shake the horrible cold feeling away, trying to be brave. For Kayleigh. How would everyone think if I got scared because of something from the dark? That would be horrible. I grip tightly on to the duvet, my fingers clenching tightly. I take a deep breath trying to calm down myself. Suddenly the shadow steps out of the darkness, and then out steps. Ebony. Her coal long black hair flying in the wind, still straight and glossy. Her almond like eyes look at me intensely, like she trying to glare into my soul. She walks toward me, her thin arms snaking around my shoulder like a poisonous snake. She tucks a strand of her coal black hair, then smiles mischievously at me. or some reason I don't think Ebony should be here right now, a cold thrilling presence fills me.
"Be like a man you say Niall, well I am indeed not a man, I am a woman. I am not a chicken, sweet Niall" Ebony exclaims in a loud tone.
"Yes, but" I begin to say.
"And are you really sure you are not afraid of me Niall, because you seemed very afraid, your voice sounded scared, and see even know your sweating like a pig who has ran a thousand meters." Ebony continues, wiping a sweat that trickles down my face.
"Well" I mutter.
"Well you may ask what I am doing, I just came here to say one thing" Ebony whispered, her eyes glaring menacingly at me.
"What is it? Please don't hurt me" I ask, trying to hide under the duvet, very scared and frightened.
"I won't hurt you Niall" Ebony laughed in a flirty tone.
"You won't" I exclaimed, smiling.
Thank god. At least I know Ebony would not hurt me. I tried to calm down my pounding racing heart that beats rapidly.
"I won't hurt you Niall, but if you don't agree to what I say I will hurt the ones you love, and make a horrible lie about you" Ebony sneers.
"OK, tell me what do you want me to do" I asked, my voice quiet and scared.
My fingers trembling with fear. What if she told me to do something horrible, like kill someone. Then what do I do. I could not do it, could I. Never. Please be something easy, not painful, and quiet.
"I want you to marry me" Ebony shouts.
"But" I protest.
"If you say no I will lie that you took advantage over me, that she did bad things to me, and then hurt the ones you love like Jayden, and your friends, and not to mention your pathetic girlfriend" Ebony shouts.
"She is not pathetic, she is kind sweet lovable and I love her really much" I object.
"Whatever, marry me or I will make your life a living nightmare for you Niall Horan" Ebony exclaims.
"But" I mutter.
"You can tell me your answer tomorrow, and I hope it is good. Now don't tell anyone, it is our secret or you will pay for it, and go to sleep" Ebony tells me.
"Ok" I whisper.
What does she think that I would tell someone? Why would I? That would make them in a lot of danger too. I nodded my head quietly.
"Good night sweet Niall" Ebony whispers, pressing her lips on my forehead and then storming out of the room, shutting the door behind. Leaving me really quiet and speechless, as I clutch my fingers on the hospital bed railings, my heart pounding rapidly, and sweat trickling down my face. I pant deeply, taking deep breathes trying to calm down myself..
And then another flash back comes to me, of Ebony.
I can't stop thinking about her. Everywhere I see is her, her beautiful perfect face. Kayleigh. I miss her so much. Her warm twinkling eyes that twinkle when they see me, her perfect smile. The way her long glossy shiny brown hair swings around her. The way she looks after Jayden. The way she takes care of everyone. No one could hate Kayleigh. She was too loving. Too perfect. Not even a fly could hurt her. I missed Kayleigh every day, she was the missing piece to me. Without her, I was just an ordinary guy. She filled me, made me feel special. I look through the window, wondering how she is. Ebony walks in, swinging her hips then walks towards me. What should I do? If I disagreed, what would Ebony do, hurt the ones I love. I look at her cold steel almond eyes stare at her, her coal black hair around her face. Ebony crouches to me, then tucks a strand of my faded blonde hair, then glares at me
"What is your answer? If you disagree I will kill all you love, and don't think I am threatening it is the truth" Ebony glares with anger, her hand on her hip
What does she think I would do? That I would endanger all my loved ones life, because of me not saying yes. I take a deep breath of air, trying to calm my heart which races rapidly. I had to lie
"Yes,ok fine just don't hurt any of my loved ones" I gasp scared and frightened, cold running through my veins, making me shiver scared.
I grip tightly on the duvet, trying not to scream, or cry. Kayleigh. Kayleigh I missed her too much everyday. Kayleigh would always be my soul mate, and only mine. I would love her, and only her. No one else can fill she left. My pounds rapidly. I clench my fingers tightly, terror filling me.
"Good Niall, I knew you would choose the right choice" Ebony laughs, kissing my forehead, and then walking off. Leaving me confused and scared. Kayleigh. Oh Kayleigh. I love you so much, my soul mate. Kayleigh. I love you. Kayleigh I am so sorry. Please forgive me.
I mean how could I? I had destroyed his life; I had taken everything from him. I had killed his soul. No matter how hard I tried to forget, his mysterious unusual scary gray eyes never left my mind. His tears, his face. I could remember it all so clearly. I would never forget him; after all I had hurt him. I wanted to find him; I wanted to heal him, to apologize, to talk to him. But it was too late for that now. Now, probably he was so angry at me and just wanted to kill me. Hatred, and anger filled with pain and agony probably flowed through his veins. I knew he wanted to kill me, to watch me suffer, to hurt me, like I had hurt him. But what I had done was a mistake, done when I was not mature, or smart. Done, when I was a stupid child, not realizing the consequences and what I had really done. But I had still done it. I had still ruined his life. He still held the power to hurt, and hate me, and I could not stop that. He should hate, and hurt me. But only me, not my loved ones. Not Kayleigh, Jayden, the boys or anybody. Just me. Me! It was my fault, and only should I suffer. I missed Harry and Jessica a lot. They have been missing for so long. I know Kayleigh misses them so much to me, but she keeps her feeling to her self. I can’t do that. I miss them so much. I feel like it was my entire fault. Like my past had come catching to me, and would hurt them. I missed them so much, like a pang in my heart. Especially Harry. I missed Jessica too. But I had known and was a lot closer to Harry. Harry was like my younger brother. My younger annoying, funny, troublesome, crazy, sweet, loving curly haired brother, and I had missed him so much.
Harry some times reminded me of a baby, so innocent and yet troublesome, yet to explore the world and see the many adventures. I wanted to find them. We had been looking for them for so many months, and had informed the police. But there were no clues to where they had been, or were held. No one had seen them, which was kind of mysterious. I wanted to find them. No matter how hard, I tried to run away from my past. It kept running back to me. No matter how hard I had tried to run, or make my past disappear, it would never truly leave me. My past will always find me, it would always haunt me, and make me suffer, and I guess I did kind of deserve that for destroying some body life. Even if that guy, thought I had forgotten about him, and lived my life happily. I would never ever truly be happy, knowing I had hurt somebody, knowing that because of me somebody was lonely, hated, and unloved, hated by everybody. I had made somebody feel all alone, and had destroyed somebody life and happiness. I had killed somebody. I had destroyed somebody. I had tried to run away from the fact and the truth. But the truth will always be that I have killed, and destroyed a man, an innocent man, without meaning to. I know that I did not meant to, but even if I had not meant to kill or hurt an innocent person. I had, and that would always be the truth, because of me somebody was always be in hurt, pain, agony, rage, and hatred towards me. They probably did want to kill me, and I understood. But then I would have to think if I was them, and somebody had taken away my loved ones, and hurt me beyond measure, and destroyed my soul. I had made some body felt so alone, and hated, and unwanted. Without meaning to. I wonder how he was now. How was he feeling? What was he thinking? How much did he hate me? How much did he want to kill and strangle the living guts out of me? How much pain, agony and suffering had he been through? How much of that did he want to inflict on me? Would he hunt me down like a predator and a prey? Was he hunting me right now? Would I know? Would I seriously care? Yes. I would. I looked outside, the bright beautiful sun shine, smiling warmly at me, radiating light towards me. I look at the white fluffy clouds, which looked like marshmallows, making my stomach gurgle. I looked at the beautiful lovely blue sky, and wondered lazily, day dreaming about many things. Kayleigh. Me, Harry, Jessica, the boys, Jayden, mine and Kayleigh’s twins. Many things. I had just wanted to think of. I realize now, that we do not realize how lucky we are to live our life, and always constantly be jealous of others. Just because they could be prettier, smarter, wiser, cleverer, more famous, more perfect, more everything, better looking, anything. But what was perfection, I had wondered. What did perfection really mean to me? Nothing really. I did not really believe that a word such as perfection associated with any human, or anything. Everything, even if it seemed perfect, would have imperfection underneath, would just be the same as me and you underneath. Some people really did long, and want that type of perfection there whole life. They might want to be like the person next to them, or some celebrity. But what really did the word perfection me. Perfect teeth, perfection, perfect hot body, perfection, skinny, healthy, intelligent, and gorgeous looking, very rich, very famous.
Just like what the media would represent people as. But what media, and many people did not really know was that perfection was a lie, there was nothing really that existed as perfection. The word perfection even had many flaws, and always will be. Every perfect person that you or others think of perfect, or maybe the world think of as perfect, has many flaws underneath. Some people believed I was perfection. Me, loud mouthed, wild, crazy, food loving, mad, loving, kind of sweet, good looking I suppose, cheeky, but a kid of heart me. But maybe they saw things that I did not see. Maybe they saw a part of me, that no body else saw. That even if I did not see, and never will. I am not something can be compared to perfection. I have flaws, I have scars underneath, that luckily no body else sees. Nobody knows me, like I do. If I say that I am not perfection, and then I really am not perfect, and never will be. I am as far away from the word perfection, and the honourable and yet scary title it brings that person. I loved being me, well most of the time any way. Yes, sometimes I thought that I would wish for Harry’s curls, dimples, and his personality but that was clearly not me, or Louis sassiness, and how he is just amazing, or Zayn, how amazingly good looking he is, and how he is not afraid of any one, or the media and how it will affect him, his bravery and courageous I look up to, or Liam protective behaviour, and how a perfect boyfriend he would be to any one. So yes sometimes, I was kind of jealous and envious of the boys my brothers. But every one was jealous sometime, or another. I just was not afraid to tell some one I was. I also looked up to Kayleigh, of how even though she was fragile, and priceless, and pretty. She would never admit she was weak or fragile, that she always put on a beautiful brave face, and took everything on easily without a challenge, that even if the world was coming down, and hope and faith had been vanished from everyone. Kayleigh would keep smiling, and keep the hope and faith in us, and be the ton of brick that we needed to stick together and stay strong. Me, I did not know what people likes about me. Some people like my looks, so I guess I could admit I was not the least bad looking person in the world, and maybe I was slightly good looking but clearly not good looking as the boys, or my personality. Well it was true, I was bubbly, and took everything happily, and loved food.
Especially Nandos, but who could not resist nandos, I surely could not. Nandos were delicious, they sure were, and I could not resist them. Just think of some delicious nandos peri peri chicken, or bottomless ice cream, made me hungry, causing my stomach to gurgle in hunger, and me to lip my lips with hunger. I stoke my fingers through my hair, thinking of how I took every thing so easily, and for granted such as; my parents, my family, the boys, Kayleigh, Jayden, everything. Where some people did not have half or any body as amazing as my family was. I was constantly filled with my loved ones, people who I loved, and loved me dearly, people who cared for me, people who would always be there for me, people so amazing, that some times even on my birthdays I would not wish much for anything, except to keep everything I have forever, such as my awesome family and my amazing friends. Who I loved so much, and mean the entire world to me, even though I do not tell them enough times that I am lucky to have them in my life, and how much I really do love them. If I could say how much I love them to how much I really did love them, I would never stopped. For a pound for how much some one means to me, but was going to say to them. I would have more money than any body else in the world, is a billionaire probably. I loved my amazing loving family, and my incredible and epic friends so much. I had much more than anybody else probably, and I knew many people were jealous of me, because I had an loving family, and an incredible group of friends.
I hold his hand. Him, my best friend. My pal for ever. Suddenly, I hear from the local bullies about him lying about me, and telling every body how my grandma died. Then the bullied started to pick on me. I was really upset, and angry. Angry that my best friend, the person I had known since we both were in nappies, the person I told and trusted with my secrets told everybody. Anger and terror were pumping through my veins, and cursed through them. I hated him, my best friend. Then I hurt him. I told everyone his secrets; how his mother had died, how his father had hit him repeatedly saying he was worthless, how no body wanted him, how he still wet his bed, and how he liked Andy Davies in our school. That was it. I did not mean to say it, but I had thought he had told my secret. Clearly, he had not. Without even talking to him, without trusting him. I had sold his secrets. Then I began bullying him, because I thought he told my secrets, thought he had back stabbed me. Me, his best friend for life. I hit him, I cut him, I made everybody hate him. I made him cry in pain and agony, made him hurt himself. Made his want to kill himself, but still I did not stop. I made everybody hate him. Especially his father. No body had wanted him, I had made him abandoned and alone. I tormented him with pleasure. I bullied him. I taunted him every day, and tripped him up. It was fun to hurt him. Everyone else was afraid of me, so they smiled at what I did, and thought of me as a awesome super hero, a loser really I was.
Andy Davies the boy he had a crush on was really angry and furious, he hit him my ex best friend. Even saying his name is like a curse. My ex best friend was kind of stupid. He kissed Andy, and tried to touch him. Do not ask me what happened next. Andy was surprised and angry. He hit, slapped and bruised him, my ex best friend. He shoved my ex best friend down the toilet, then he made my ex best friend strip in front of him, and then videoed him and another guy make out. It was horrible. Only later did I realize that the bullied had not heard my ex best friend say it but somebody else. But then, it was too late. My best friend for life, who I had not trusted was broken. He was alone. Hated. Used. Filth. That day something between us changed. He cried, and then cut himself, he tried to stab himself in the stomach, but thankfully the wound was not deep. The day after that. I changed for the bad. I began hurting him even more, making him cry, and hurting him on the inside. I screamed, and shouted at him. I became a bully. A cold hard, horrible, mean destroyer bully. I destroyed his life. I hurt him. I spread all the secrets that he had told me, all the secrets he told me when we were having a sleep over, where we had played together. Even though he had been gay it had never bothered me before. We were still together forever, like a pair of glue. But, it all changed. I hurt him. I destroyed him. I mad every one hurt him. Every one hate him. Every body began taunting and teasing him. They made him cry, scream, break. I had watched him break, I had watched him collapse on the floor, and scream in agony, and pain. Watched his heart break, and then only did I realize the impact of what I had done. I wanted to apologize; I want to cry to him, for breaking him, for hurting him so badly. I wanted to go beck to my past. I want to break down all the pieces of him. I wanted to fix all the broken pieces of him. I wanted to heal his shattered heart. I wanted to apologize. But then. It was too late, all because of me he was broken. Broken in to many pieces, and shattered. All lost. All the living soul and happiness he had in his life. Was it all gone, in a flash? All the light he had used to have in his pearly sparkling twinkling dark blue eyes. After what I did to him, his eyes became dull, black lines circled under his line, all the happiness had been drained from him. All those cuts and bruises I had caused him remained in his life. He was just all gone. He changed, but then it was my entire entire fault. I changed, and because of that he changed. I changed for the worse, and then he changed for the worst. I wanted to apologize; I wanted to fix everything that we used to have. But it was too late. He had already been broken; he had already become a monster like me. I started feeling bad, and guilt. Like I was really hurting inside, and then did I really know how much I must have hurt him. How much I had broke him in to pieces, how much pain and feeling that did he really feel. I wanted to fix the friendship and bond we used to go. But I had already shattered it before. He was all alone, and he was angry and upset, he had felt a lot of hatred and rage all because of me, and mostly most of it was targeted at me.
Then my ex best friend killed Andy Davies, and tried to kill me. Thankfully, my parents woke up, and saved me in time. My ex best friend went to prison; he was only fourteen years old. I had turned him in to a horrible, cruel, cold blooded murderer. I had destroyed his life. Even though he tried to kill me, it was my fault as much as this. It was because of me, that he did this. My entire fault. I tried to apologize but it was too late, he got sent somewhere far away from me. The last thing he said to me was “I will make you pay Niall Horan. Even if I have to search the whole world, I will hunt you like a predator and a prey, and hurt you like you did to me. I will watch you scream with pain and agony. I will take everything away from you. Just as you had to me. I will kill you if it is the last thing I would do.” From that day I had missed him so much. It was my entire fault. My fault he became this. My fault for not trusting, and hurting him. All mine. I had killed him heart and soul. I had destroyed him. We used to be best friends. Now we were enemies, because of me he is hurt, because of me he is alone, afraid, abandoned, lost. I had told everyone his most biggest and precious secret. His sexuality. Him being gay. He had told me, he had trusted me more than any body else. He was afraid to tell any one about him, and yet he told me his secret, hoping that I would keep it that way secret for life, and carry it to my grave. But because of me, so many people knew, because of me, his whole life had flashed past his eyes. His whole life had been destroyed because of me. I remember how we used to be; where one went the other followed, like two peas in a pod, always together like a jigsaw piece, alone we were nothing, together we were special, we were complete. But I had shattered that. I had broken his trust for me. I had broken all the friendship we had had. I had killed him that day I hurt him, and told his secret.
I wiped the tear that had brimmed in my eyes, and clenched my wrist as a tear slipped, and trickled down my cheek. I wiped my face. I held on to the photo graph of me and his, taken seven years ago. Me, and him, my arm around his shoulder, both of us smiling in to the camera happily, not even knowing of what was going to happen next because of me. Me, with my blonde hair and blue eyes, sticking out my tongue for the camera, and him smiling in to the camera, his middle finger up. Our eyes staring in to the camera, our eyes twinkled with joy and friendship. I look at the picture again, and again. It was taken when we were thirteen, just before I had broke him, just before I had told his secrets. Just before I had hurt him. My entire fault, that he was broken. Sometimes I wish, the day he had tried to kill me, that he would have just won it. After all, I kind of did really deserve it. The picture was taken before our world had been turned upside down. Before I had cruelly betrayed him. Before I had told all of his secrets to the world. Before I had hurt him. Sometimes I wished, whatever happened the year after was just a cruel nightmare, and never really happened. That we were still best friend. I wish I had trusted him before, it was my fault. I wish I had not trusted the bullied. Only I would trust the wrong people. Not trusting the people I should trust, and trusting the horrible evil people who should never be trusted with. I broke him. I wish we could go back in time. I wish I could change what I did, what I did to him, change our future. Maybe if I had never betrayed him, by breaking and hurting him. We would have still been friends. I hold the picture to my heart, the picture still meant so much to me. The picture when everything in my life was all easy and perfect. Before everything had drastically changed. I clench the photo tightly, as my heart pounds rapidly. I take a deep breathe, and turn the photo over, exhaling again. There in my handwriting it reads
Epic Niall Horan and his amazing best friend (brother) Trevor Daniels.
Thirteen is the time to be young. Our future together, as brothers, as best friends forever. Food is amazing too. Niall.
Then underneath it says in my little kid handwriting Trevor my amazing crazy best friend the jack Daniels, and in Trevor handwriting it says my food loving, awesome best friend the Irish, I love you man.
I hold the photo so tightly, and then wipe all the tears that have trickled down my cheek. I did not want anybody else to know. What I did, they would all hate me. I placed the photo under my pillow, and took a deep breathe. My past would always run up to me, but that did not mean I could not keep running away from my past. Knowing one day, it would run up to me, and find me, but that day I would be ready for anything. I waited for the day; the day would change every thing. Every thing. The day Trevor would find me, the day he would be ready to begin hurting me, just like I had hurt him. The day he would find me, after all these years of hiding. I knew he was still alive. Some where, maybe really far, or maybe really close, too close for my liking. He would be hunting me down like a predator and a prey, he would be watching me, waiting for the chance to hurt me, maybe planning a horrible, terrible, painful plan right know. Waiting for his chance to take his hold on me. I did not know where he was, maybe he was a thousand kilo meters away, or maybe he was so close to me. Closer than he should be. Wherever he was, he was planning to hurt me, and he would hurt me. He would kill. Me.