They say it's worse to live a life of fiction, as you're not really living at all. As I shuffle back into my stuffy cell, my cell mate Violet smiles down at me. "Hey, roomey. You feeling okay?" Violet was in prison for theft, she only has 8 months left here. She was so nice, in all honesty. She made my time here a little easier.
"Thanks, Violet. I'm fine." I lied.
"Okay. I have my sesh now, see ya' in an hour." She hopped out of her bunk, and headed away with Anne. I lay on my bunk, and cried. I pulled out my picture of Ashton from under my pillow. "I miss you so, so much. But I'm coming. Soon. I've tried Ash, but I'm not strong. Not like you were. I'm sorry." I continued to sob.
Also from under my pillow, I pulled out a small plastic wallet of various tablets. I wasn't even sure what was in there. Violet has helped me get them, after weeks of desperate crying. "Ash, I'm ready now. I'm on my way."
I pulled my hair into a messy bun, exactly how Ashton liked it. I washed my face, and shaved. I wanted our reunion to be perfect. I sat on my perfectly made bed, and poured the dozen pills into my palm. I threw threw them into the back of my throat, allowing myself to be finally free of all the endless pain. I lay on my bed, smiling like crazy. Finally, all the suffering I'd ever felt was gone. Everything, from my dad, to Ashton's mum. To what I did to Ashton. Finally, I could be with him. After months of suffering, finally I had done what I wanted. And for the first time in forever, I felt happy. Damn, it felt so good. I lay still, clutching Ashton's photo, longing to hold him. I was smiling like crazy.
Then it began. I don't know how to describe it. I was happy, then I started to go numb in my toes. It worked its way up my body, till I was numb all over. It felt amazing. My eyes, felt weak. So I took one last look at Ashton's smiling face. I closed my eyes, one at a time, and felt my teary eye lashes lie peacefully on my face. My lips felt cold, and my lungs were tight. I don't remember the point where oxygen no longer wanted my lips icy touch. But in my last few moments, my whole life did not flash before my eyes. However, every happy moment did. From playing dolls with my dad, to kissing Ashton. I felt one last smile spread across my cheeks, before letting myself slowly and peacefully drift into eternal abyss.
I won't give you the details of heaven. But holding Ashton in my arms for the first time in almost a year, felt amazing. I stared into his eyes, which looked like deep green pools of life. "I love you, forever." I said.
"I love you more, forever."
Thank you so so much for all the nice comments about this movella. People have asked me to write one final chapter, so here it is I guess. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I felt that some people are too afraid to talk about suicide. And I didn't want to make her death dark, and horrible. Because for her, it was her key to freedom. And I wanted that to be made clear. However, I don't want to encourage suicide. So if anybody ever wants to talk, even if we don't know eachother, i'm always here. Because even though suicide can be a release, you are worth saving. 💛