I leaned against a tree one cold autumn morning with a cigarette burning away in-between my fingers. A few minutes ago the homeroom bell rang and it will be a few minutes more before I went to class. These cigarettes have become my clocks. I inhaled and exhaled, looking into the clouds that formed in front of my face. In the whitish gray, I saw blood covering my Mother’s sobbing face and a calloused fist gripping the neck of a broken bottle with a blood covered wedding band on the ring finger.
My breaths grew heavier and harsher as I blew out the smoke and I was trying desperately to exhale the memories I saw in it when I heard a voice.
“Hey.” I heard and I looked to my right and saw a girl. Her hair was buzzed on the right side and the hair on the left was cut to the length of her ear. Her black jeans were torn at the knees and thighs and she wore a black long sleeves that were rolled up her forearms. She, like I, had a cigarette tucked in between her fingers.
“Hey,” I said back with a wave that barely left my side.
“School started. Shouldn’t you be getting back?” She smiled a small weak smile and took in her cigarette.
“Soon. Shouldn’t you?” I retorted as I took in mine. I didn’t see the reason to even attempt a smile.
“Soon.” She smiled a little longer till it fell away from her face. We both stood silent blowing plumes into the air. I watched her exhales wondering if I could see what memories she was trying to blow away. I hadn’t even noticed she had been staring at me.
“You’re kind of cute,” she said breaking the silence and before I could reply she had thrown her arms around my neck and locked her lips to mine. Caught off guard, I eventually reacted and put one hand with my cigarette on the small of her back above her ass and the other around the back of her head. Her tongue seemed eager and played with mine. Long moments passed as we shared nicotine coated breaths until she pulled back.
“Do you think I’m cute?” she asked as she opened her eyes. I looked at her again paying attention to detail. Her hair was an ebony color and her eyes were jade. She had hollow cheekbones and her body said frail. Her nose, however, was crooked as if it had been broken once before. Her forearms had a crisscross pattern of thin familiar white scars running up them. She was battered but cute I supposed.
“I suppose,” I said. For a moment her face flashed with a happiness that wasn’t there before but only for a moment because the weakness from earlier came on again.
My cigarette had burned down to the filter and I dropped it. My boot came down to crush it out as I said,
“I should go.”
“Oh.” She generally looked sad, “will you be here when tomorrow then?” she asked and I nodded.
“Ok.” The sadness left her face and she stared blankly into the distance. She dropped the cigarette and I spun and started for the school. I looked back for a moment just out of curiosity and sure enough, she lit another cigarette.
It was fifth period and I was roaming the halls avoiding all the teachers who give a damn when I heard a familiar, weighted voice.
“Hey you.” I spun on my heels to see the girl from earlier with a similar smile that looked awkward on her visage. She was quickly walking towards me until she threw her arms around my neck. Her tongue had that same eagerness when our lips locked and I may have reveled slightly more than I wanted too. She may have been what I, and anyone else with a mind could see a walking self-destroyer but she definitely had talent.
She used her weight and pushed me into the closest bathroom until I was up against a stall door grinding her and her me. I felt all around the door till I felt the handle all while still swapping saliva. We pushed through the stall and I swung the bolt to lock it as she worked my belt. Her lips left mine and I pushed my pants down. In mere seconds she was on her knees with my cock in her mouth. My head went back and my hands to her head as she bobbed up and down my length.
She worked my cock for a minute or so, sucking and licking, until her mouth pulled back and she looked up at me.
“What do you think of me?” she asked completely catching me off guard. I searched my endorphin mind for a response.
“Honestly?” I asked finally.
She nodded, “honestly.” So I sat thinking of the words. I thought I found them,
“I think you’re a girl who has given up. You were promising but lost it. High school kicked you in the ass, and sex became the only way for you to feel pretty and wanted. It’s that lie you tell yourself when you throw it all at guys like me. I also think you have asked this question before but never really wanted the true answer. I think you want out of life.” She asked for honesty.
She knelt there in front of me. Her stare was looking to nothing and her jade eyes were blank. I stood there with my pants down and heated. Moments past and thoughts crossed her mind until she took me back in her mouth. She sucked and licked then said,
“Thank you.” I didn’t acknowledge it of course as I came in her mouth. She spit a little and I looked at her. Her jade eyes were tearing. She stood and pushed through the door of the stall leaving me behind leaning on the wall and panting. The fourth period bell rang and I pulled up my pants.
The next morning came and I was leaning on the same tree and in the same spot as yesterday. I watched the smoke again and my memories but occasionally I looked around. Minutes went by and my cigarette was down to the filter. I dropped it and crushed it.
“I guess I was right.” I lit another cigarette and watched into the smoke. In the cloud I saw a buzzed haircut, crisscrossing scars and tearing jade eyes.