"Sometimes you have to let go. No matter how much it hurts. I didn't want to let go. I wanted to hold on tight and keep her safe, but I knew that was wrong. I couldn't hold onto her, if she wanted to let go. Maybe she wanted to be free, like a bird. I was letting her go because I loved her."
I stand outside the hospital room, taking a deep breathe. In and out. That was what my psychiatrist had told me. Inside there lay my girlfriend, my love of my life Emma. Every day was the same, just like one another. Talking to Emma, while she lay there on the borderline of death. I forced a smile on my face, and strode into the room. Emma lay on the bed, just like yesterdays. There were a lot of tubes attached to her arm, which connected onto the breathing machine. I glanced over at the nurse who was standing there, watching me cautiously. I raised my eye brows at her, and couldn't help but laughing when she runs out, afraid of me being dangerous. I sit on the chair, and grab hold of Emma hand.
"Hi, Emma! It was a good day at school today, do you remember Michael, your brother, he finally proposed to Anna." I exclaim happily, forcing a smile on my face.
I look at the curtains which were blocking out all the sun, those stupid nurses. I walk to the curtains, and pull it apart, letting the bright line shining through the windows, I open the windows letting the cool wind fly in. I go back to my seat beside Emma.
"So Emma, how are you doing? Everyone really misses you." I say, and then I pause turning to look at Emma.
"I have been really missing you a lot, not a day go pass that I don't think of you. I love you Emma I really do." I mumble, clenching tightly onto Emma hand too afraid of letting go.
It had been five months, five months since the fatal car accident. I remember that day like it was yesterday. But, it wasn't yesterday, it had been five months.
"Luke, come here urgently." my mother cries out panicking.
I didn't know what, but a feeling inside me told me that something bad had happened. I run downstairs in a rush, to see my mother sobbing her heart out, the phone in her hand.
"Emma!" my mom exclaims in pain.
"What happened to Emma, mum?" I ask, standing right in front of my mum.
"She." my mum begins hysterically, and then stops.
"Tell me!" I shout, shaking her shoulder in anger.
I hated when my mother stopped saying something, whenever something was the matter. What had happened to Emma? The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my heart beats rapidly, sweat trickling down my face.
"Emma was crossing the road, when a car hit her. The driver of the car was fine, but Emma, the car had collided at her with great speed. She's in coma." my mum tells me slowly.
I collapse to the floor, and start screaming in pain and anger. Emma!
That was the day everything had fallen apart, I brush Emma beautiful blonde hair out of her face. I think about Emma lying there motionless, it felt like to me that she would never wake up. I think about our one year anniversary of us dating.
I swing Emma around, her blonde hair flying around like it was a halo. I lay Emma gently on her feet; she turns her head to face me, and wraps her arms around my shoulders. Her petite five four figure was no match to my tall six foot figure. Emma was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
"I love you Luke." Emma tells me.
"I love you more Emma." I reply back, kissing Emma on her lips.
Sometimes it felt like that I should just let go. But, how could I just let go? I need Emma like oxygen, to breathe in. Maybe it's better to just let go. I stand up abruptly, clenching my wrist. I look at Emma peaceful form, it felt like Emma was sleeping peacefully. I didn't want to let Emma go, but I knew that it was the best decision. Tears form in my eyes, and I hastily wipe it away not wanting to seem like a baby.
"Emma. It's ok. You can let go. I don't want you to let go. I need you now more than ever. My parents have split up, and I am just being tossed around like a parcel. I love you Emma, more than I love myself. You are everything to me, and I would do anything for it to be me lying there instead of you." I begin, pausing.
"But, I understand Emma if you want to let go. I know that you're hurting now, your father's already dead since a year ago in a heart attack, your mother is in a state. Your mother would miss you a lot. I would miss you. But, I understand if you just want to let go, maybe you'll meet your daddy. I knew you were always close to your dad. As much as I want and need you, it's your choice. Emma, I love you, and always will. I will try my best to move on, and I will move on slowly, but I will never forget you Emma. You taught me how to love, taught me how to care for someone so much you would do anything for them. I'm letting you go Emma. I love you. But, if you want to let go, you can. I'm letting you go Emma, because I love you." I say, tears trickling down my cheek.
I begin walking out of the hospital door, and look back wanting Emma to wake up. That was what would happen in stories, but my life isn't a story, it's real, and Emma didn't wake up. I run out of the hospital, not trusting myself any more. I wouldn't stop living, I would live for Emma.
Later, that evening I received a phone call from Emma mother, she had informed me that Emma had left the world, with a happy expression on her face. Then Emma mother had burst into tears, and hung up. My mother had just stared at me, expecting me to make a reaction. I hugged my mother tightly, trying to remain strong, not for me but for Emma, for her mother who would be going through so much pain now.
"Mummy, I let her go." I say quietly.
"Let who go?" my mother asks.
"Emma. She is free now, like a bird." I mumble, never wanting to let my mother go.