That's what lurks in my head, screaming until I go mad. That's what has wrapped its cold claws around my heart, freezing it so I can't feel. That's what has taken my soul and ripped it apart, or tried to. It didn't succeed, so it dug its claws in and marred the silver ghost of my soul, scarring it. Some of those scars still try to bleed. They make me want to bleed, because pain is the only thing I can feel. Sometimes it's the only thing I want to feel. The monster has sewn my mouth shut. I can't tell anyone its secrets, the secrets that have become mine. The secrets I wish I didn't have. The secrets that could end up killing me.
There wasn't always a monster in my head. Just dreams fed by my love of books and movies. Fantasies were woven by what I saw on TV and in the pages of books. Adventures formed, full of creatures with wings, tails, and magic. Fictional characters, created by other minds, came to life to aid me in my quests. By day, I was a cheerful girl with a big smile and an even bigger heart. By night, I was a character in every book and movie I had ever experienced and loved.
But then those dreams faded, and a monster took their place.
I still dream, but now they are dreams of real people, real places, real events. They are secret wishes and fears. Sometimes they make me happy. Other times, they make me afraid. And when I lie in bed at night, cloaked by artificial starlight and quaking with fear, the monster laughs. As it laughs, I slowly lose pieces of my mind.