I walked down the road toward the mall and I see a Hetalian that I recognize but doesn’t seem to remind me of a country. “Michelle?” I say in a loud voice.
“Zara? What-- oh… You fell through that hole in your closet didn’t you? You should really get that fixed.”
“Michelle, I have had that door to this place in me closet for what is now 16 years, possibly more.”
“Really? I didn’t see it…”
That’s when I began to panic.
“Michelle, you need to come with me.”
“Wait, why? What’s going on, chica?”
“Well… long story, I have a stalker and I am meeting them at the mall in about…” I look down at me phone. “Fifteen minutes.”
“Becoming friends with your stalker? That’s cool chizz.”
I ran while pulling Michelle behind me. We arrived at the mall five minutes ahead of time and I was sort of relieved, plenty of time to get a few drinks at the mall’s bar, just so I don’t make any stupid decisions to attack anyone. Although I know alcohol will not help me any.
“Where are we going, Zar?”
“Getting a drink before I have to meet the stalker.”
“What? You--- I’m lost, since when did you become an alcoholic?”
“Okay, in Ukraine, I had my first drink and well… I started drinking. Wait-- did you just call me-- alcoholic?”
“Yes, yes I did.”
“Michelle, Michelle, this is why I have been friends with you for so long, I love your sense of humor.”
We walked out of the bar at around 7:20 and went outside.
“Hello Zara, who’s the friend you’ve brought with you?” A voice said from the shadows of the night.
“Show yourself… NOW!”
Cole of all people steps out of the shadows, I started to laugh.
“I was afraid of YOU? You were the one who was causing me all the issues for the past few hours?”
“What are you laughing at my dear?”
“One, I’m engaged--”
“Wait what?” I was interrupted by Michelle
“I’ll explain later. Second, I’m not your ‘dear.’ I belong with Ivan and him alone, I declined you in 3rd grade for a reason.”
“Yeah, because you were a popular, conniving bitch! You loved me but you refused to admit it because you’d be degraded.”
“No, I said no because you had a terrible reputation, my parents hated you, and I would be thought of as a whore, not even a person, but a toy. I had a boyfriend besides that. Now I’m engaged and you are going to try to come for me again? You pathetic piece of shit, you had someone a hell of a lot better person than I am, but yet, you are trying to throw out your chance with her by getting revenge on me? Pathetic.”
He began to grow red.
“Pathetic? You are the one who lost a boyfriend in the matter of a day in seventh grade. By the way, she broke up with me once, she came back, and now she’s leaving me again.”
“HA! So you are pathetic enough to go running back? Okay, if she broke up with you, this is the cause of on and off relationships, never good.”
“I’m lost.” Michelle says.
“Ok, well umm… I didn’t go out with him in grade school so now he’s mad, and he’s now in an on/off relationship with my friend.”
“I get it! but when did you get engaged?”
“Alright Cole, you need to seriously lay off!”
“I LOVE YOU.”
I sighed, Didn’t Russia have this conversation with Belarus, What would Russia do? I thought
“Well, you need to think about your choice, him or me.”
“That’s not even a choice!” I spit on the ground.
“Of course, because I’m the better choice.”
“I have the love of my life.”
I went up to him in me best actress position and touched his cheek, smiled, and nailed him in the face with a knockout punch and he fell to the ground.
“You little bitch, are you freaking kidding me? Get ready for your relationship to be ruined.”
“Oh no you did NOT JUST THREATEN MY RELATIONSHIP! You’re going to pay for this!” The demonic look came into my eyes and everyone standing around could see it. “Do you freaking have a death wish, Cole? It seems like it.”
“Hey, Cole, this girl named ‘Juju’ said to shut the fuck up and leave Zara alone.” Michelle said, looking at my phone.
“Tell her that she needs to keep her nose out of m--”
“This is her business, Cole. By the way, get the hell away from me and stay out of my life and away from my family, away from my friends, otherwise I’ll make sure to mess you up big time.”
“You are really bad at making threats Zara.”
“These aren't threats, they are promises.”
“They sound more so like flirty comments.”
“How does me wanting to kill you translate to flirting with you, disgusting.”
“No, it is truth.”
“You disgust me.”
“I think you are mistaken,” he pauses “You’re disgusted with Ivan.”
“You heard me.”
“That’s it. I’m calling Ivan.” I hit the number 5 on speed dial to call Ivan and put him on speaker phone.
“Hey Zara, is everything alright? Are you okay?”
“Ohhhh, that’s Ivan.” Michelle says, piecing everything together… slowly.
“Hi Ivan, I’m just going to need you to meet with me at the mall.”
“I’ll be there in 2 minutes.”
“Alright, Love you.”
“Love you too.”
About two minutes later, Ivan showed up.
“Ivan meet my stalker, Cole.”
“Wait, isn’t he dating Julie?”
“Wait ok so you are marrying him?” Michelle said
“Yes, she is my fiance.”
“We’ll get to that as soon as we are done with this whole stalking situation.”
“Wow… shit’s gonna go down…” Michelle said as she looked on
“First off, Cole,” Ivan held out the word Cole as if he’d already forgot his name “How dare you try and ruin me fiances life--” he cut himself off, “I don’t think talking is getting to him.” he looks at me with his soft smile. He finally said “Do you have my pipe?”
“No, sorry, I really didn’t think it would come to this.”
“That’s ok, I’ll find something else.” He looked around and then he picked up a rock off the ground. I touched his hand and said, “Maybe we should wait for Ju to kill him, Ivan.”
I texted Julie Do you want to kill him or should I cuz he is really getting on my nerves She responded Let me. So I said, “Ivan, we can severely injure him, but we cannot kill him.”
It became a full brawl, I finally was given the chance to fight when he was almost completely unconscious and I eventually gave him a bloody nose.