Picture someone with a smile always glazed on their face and a cheery tone in their voice. Picture someone who seems to have it all. Picture someone who some wanted to be but then picture what you don’t see, but if you can’t see what you don’t see then how are you supposed to be able to imagine it?
Most people have that. People say that the hate the fake but most people are. Most have something that they try to hide by being something that they’re not, like in my case, happy.
Who’s your fake doppelganger that you try to hide?
Running into a pole was not likely for someone who was normal but in my case that’s how I came back to reality.
I shouted out a few curses and rubbed my forehead to ease the pain.
I heard laughter behind and me. I turned to see my older Sister, Ivy, snickering.
I pouted and said, “it’s not funny” And ended it with a stomp of my foot.
“Y-yes, I-it I-is.” She said trying to control her laughter but failing.
I jutted out my lip with a fake pout, turned away and continued walking home.
The morning after, I woke up with a killer headache from hell. I moaned in pain and rolled over to see my just lovely sister smiling creepily down at me.
“Good Morning. How did you sleep?” She said grinning.
“Just well, but I feel like a train just rolled over my head,” I said while sitting up. I squinted up to see her dressed in her usual headband to tame her wild curly red hair and a green dress with an apron that was covered in different splattered colors of paint.
“What time is it?” I continued while I stretched out of bed.
“6:30, remember you have school to go to.” She answered while tugging at her apron to loosen the strains that kept it around her waist.
“Oh,” I all but replied. Today was the first day of new school year, nothing out of the ordinary but different teachers.
“Do I still need to work at the bar after school?” I asked her while walking to the bathroom to take a shower.
“Yeah but not right after, maybe a few hours after though.” She replied but seeing me taking off my shirt, she shook head at me and left the room.
I stepped out, the mirrors were foggy and I was dripping water onto the bathroom tiles. Grabbing a towel from the hanger I began to dry off while looking at myself in the mirror.
A figure stood in the mirror. The image of me but not really me. This is how people perceive me, but not how I perceive myself. Red-forest green eyes, black onyx hair, dimple on each cheek and broad shoulders that filled up the mirror. Tattoos of different images were drawn on my skin like a canvas. For each moment that seemed perfect either a word, an image, a symbol, were inked.
But what I perceived myself was way different. All I saw was someone filled with hate for himself and scars that racked their arms. They were faded but if you looked closely, not most do but if you do you see them.
What is the definition of beauty, of sexy, of perfection?
The answer was left unanswered as I pulled up my boxers, and fixed by hair.
My sister stood outside the bathroom door, holding herself in the ‘I-have-to-pee-stance’, “out of my way! I have to pee!” She whined as she pushed me out of the way towards the bathroom.
Shaking my head, while snickering at her, I walked into my bedroom to get dressed.
“Are you ready yet?” I heard my sisters’ voice from the outside of my room.
“What time is it?” I asked her instead of answering her.
“7:00.” She replied.
“Yeah, I’m about ready, just need my coffee.” I responded to her first question.
“Have it right here.” Her voice carried out from behind me.
I looked to see her standing with the door open and coffee in hand.
I smiled, and took the warm chocolate, caramel substance from her hand.
“Now I’m ready.”
I think people who take pictures try to capture perfect unexpected moments. Ones that people rarely see, ones that you don’t plan, ones that catch you off guard and those are the best moments.
We try our hardest to capture them on a camera and rarely succeed because those moments, that happen are quick little seconds, the time that it takes to adjust the camera and focus is to slow and we miss them
The moment that was happening right now is the best moment. Friends that haven’t seen each other since last year were crowded around their cars, teachers were catching up with other co-workers, and the best of all was the laughter, excitement and joy in their expression, but it’s hard to capture it all.
Adjusting my camera, I centered, zoomed and finally captured it. Well Kind of.
This was a new year. New moments are going to be made and bad ones are going to be forgotten, unless laughed at by their peers.
“Syn!” I heard an overly excited voice come from behind me.
Cameron, my blond hair, blue eyes, cliché jock of a best friend stood an inch or so shorter than me, behind me.
His sparkling ocean blue eyes shined with joy as he ran to hug me.
He squeezed me tightly and said, “A new year means more freshmen girls.”
Cameron was a natural ladies man. He just needed to flash that million-dollar smile, and twinkle those blue eyes and women would go crazy.
I was as well but I never slept around like him. I might occasionally flirt but it didn’t mean anything.
“You know that’s illegal right?” I asked him, as we broke apart.
“You know, you working at Daily Sin is illegal right?” He responded back snarky.
I poked my tongue out and replied, “You’re just mad because my sister won’t give you a job there.”
My sister, Ivy, had recreated a bar that surrounded the idea of the 7 deadly sins.
The over consumption of drinking, the idea of playing poker without a limit, the half naked women who danced provocatively on the bar tables and the most popular of them all, the cage fights that people were allowed to bet on.
The bar was the most widespread of the town. Everyone went there, if they were too young they got fake I-D’s.
He pouted, “Well we should join the gang in the cafeteria,” Was his reply.
“Yeah, we should,” I responded but thought for a second and then added, “you go inside, I need to take a smoke.”
He nodded but he said with a frown on his face, “you need to quit, I’m, no we, are worried about you.”
All I did was nod. I was too deep in thought.
I spaced out, I remember him turning around and heading inside. I also remember the fumble of the lighter and the inhale of the cigarette but nothing else.
Thoughts were racing about in mind; the one that I seemed to dwell on was the fact that I didn’t know what I was going to do after high school.
Was I going to go to college and get my English Degree in Journalism, was I going to use the inheritance after I graduate to travel and maybe stay there, Or was I going to stay working at Daily Sin?
There were too many options, to many decisions that needed to be made after senior year. I didn’t want to leave my sister but I needed to get away from people. I needed to clear my head and start liking myself. I needed to clean myself off, stop smoking, drinking and sinning.
Dropping my cigarette underneath my foot, I smashed light out angrily.
My Goal for this year was to be happy.