I placed the rose gently on top of Joey's grave as I could feel a tear slip down my cheek and onto the muggy grass. I stood there, looking down at the words carved into his marble-stoned grave. I was the last one there after his funeral and I couldn't bare myself to look into anyone's eyes at the service. The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow back the gallons of tears, wanting to burst down my cheeks... But, I kept a straight face the entire time.
I kneeled down so I was exact height with the grave and I rested my hand on top, feeling the smooth marble rubbing against my skin. The softness reminded me of Joey's hands running along my skin and the gentleness of his lips against my own.
"You will always mean the world to me, Joey. No matter how far we are away from each other, you'll always have a special place in my heart." I brought my fingers to my lips, kissed them, and I placed them on his grave.
I walked into school for the first time in a week...and I cannot explain how overwhelming it was and how fast my heart was beating. Walking through the same doors that Joey and I had passed through, so many times in the past. My locker, where him and I shared our hugs and kisses before classes. The smiles, the laughs, and the love.
My first few periods were full of stares and 'I'm sorry' from multiple people. I didn't want sympathy, I didn't want people to feel the same pain I felt, which was too strong and too great. But after my second period ended, I grimly made my way to my third period class, Algebra. Walking into the class, seeing the seat usually filled by Joey's presence, empty and cold, made me look away and squeeze my eyes shut has I did my best to hold back the tears.
"Um, Chloe, I just wanted to say... that I'm really sorry...for everything I've ever done to you."
I opened my eyes to see Nicole Williams looking at me and I was soon suddenly being embraced within her arms. I could tell she meant this apology and I could feel the hole in my chest start to shrink, slightly, as we continued fulfilling our truce. I hugged her back tightly and she soon pulled away, smiling at me.
I could tell that hopefully we could make a friendship out of this.
I hugged my stomach as I ran my way to the girls' bathroom. The cafeteria food obviously didn't go down the right way, which explains why I'm hauling myself into one of the stalls, before throwing up everything I had eaten that day. I held my stomach after I had finished throwing up and I placed my hand on my forehead, checking for a fever. I was burning up and I could tell that I needed to vomit again.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" I said to myself. I closed my eyes and stood there, seeing if I needed to throw my brains up again; but my stomach soon settled back to its' original state. I made my way to the mirror and I stared at myself. My eyes had deep circles underneath them and my mouth was curved in a frown. My face looked like it had aged 5 years and I looked so tired, it was unbelievable how much of what happened could cause me to physically change my faces' entire demeanor.
The anxiety and stress of Joey's death had finally taken its' toll on me. My stomach began to churn again and I hauled myself back into the stall, while throwing up the rest of my food.
"So, Miss. Carlson, when was your last menstrual cycle?" My doctor asked. I didn't answer her back right away because honestly, I didn't even know let alone remember. I figured the stress had messed up my cycle somehow and caused me to be late. "Um... I don't know, to be honest with you." I said, while gulping down the saliva in my mouth.
"Have you been sexually active lately?" She asked. I thought back to when Joey and I had made love after we made up from our argument...But what does that have to do with anything? "Um, no not that recently but I have maybe a few months ago?" I said, while looking her straight in the eyes. "Have you been experiencing sickness, weird eating habits, increased fatigue, mood changes... any of that?"
I checked off every symptom in my head with a 'yes'. I looked at her while biting my lip and I nodded my head each time, responding to her questions. That's when the final words coming out of her mouth, changed my entire future, forever.
"Have you considered the possibility that you may be pregnant?"