It's been really hard living without Jayne, we have been talking a lot though, like a lot. All the spare time I have I will be on my phone, talking to to Jayne. Yeah we Skype, a lot. But it really isn't the same without her cuddles and kisses.
I always wonder how she is doing, even though she says she's fine when I ask, but I knew she is hiding something, I don't know what though.
It's only been about a week, and it has been absolutely amazing! The 1D boys are really cool guys, I am so happy that we have made it here. In London, this is something that we all only dreamed of. The only thing I don't like about it, is me being here, experiencing this, but doing it without Jayne..
It's been a full on week, to tell the truth, without Calum I am so lost. He always asks if I'm ok, I always say yes but to tell you the truth, I'm really not.
I did something that I already regret. I really don't know how to tell Calum. I have hidden two things from him actually..
Number 1 thing is that I have been so fucking depressed lately I didn't know what to do, I still don't know what to do to be honest. But what I did was so fucking dumb, why did I do it? I started to cut... I regret it so much right now. My mum doesn't know about it, it's just me.
Number 2 thing is, well, it's kinda hard to say this but I don't think we used a condom... So you guessed it.. I'm pregnant.. I really don't know how to say both of this to Calum, how will he react! Fuck I really didn't think this through at all. What the fuck is wrong with me!
I decide to take my mind off of that and listen to All Time Low and text my friend Amalia to see if she was busy. I need a friend right now..
Sorry for not updating at all, there was something going on with the publishing, it was happening to all of them, it wouldn't let me write anything, but I thought maybe I should update now. So I just wrote this like just then so I hope you enjoy!