34. Chapter Thirty Four
Mrs.Kimmage's words sat with me. I had a lot on my mind, and that was just another sliver added to it. How was she able to keep such a marriage of true determination, and pure love? That's all I strived for with Ornella, and I hadn't succeeded. It wasn't as though I'd stepped out. I hadn't kept secrets from her, well some; but they were regarding my childhood. Mrs. Kimmage had an affair. A child she gave up, with great heartache from what I could only assume. Lied to her husband, but then they both came forward from the shadows, where their secrets lurked. So what would I have to expose. What part of myself would I truly have to give up? My identity wasn't an option, nor would it ever be. My eyes nervously wandered around the room. I probably appeared like a cat, following a speck of dust; that no human eye could find. What if she did it for me? What if Ornella exposed who I was, just to get back at me? She had to know where I was now. The woman was bloody nuts, and vengeful. Why though? I offered her my heart. She rejected my proposal. So why keep haunting me. Why keep hurting those I love. Then my eyes stopped on the photograph. Abby was laughing, her eyes closed. I had her in a warm embrace. Her long hair cascading down her back, she was breathtaking. Then it hit me. Ornella couldn't have me, nobody would. If she couldn't allow herself to move forward, and be happy; then neither could I. She was the hawk, and I was the field mouse caught in her clutch. She'd hold onto me, until she was done devouring me; for her needs. I startled to my feet, and quickly grabbed my phone. I went to the mail icon on it, and tapped feverishly. I was impatient of its impending loading of messages. I quickly went to the composure icon. I went right to work. Dear Ornella, I do hope you're well. I was hoping we would be able to have a civil chat. I'm unfortunately away on business for several weeks. Would you be up to meeting, and allowing me to buy you a meal? Please let me know at your earliest convenience. Xx Arcanum I took in several deep breaths, before one major exhale was released. I tapped the send button on the screen, and it whooshed off into cyberspace. I felt my throat closing up, or a nasty trick my mind was playing on me. I wasn't allergic to anything. This was mere panic setting in. Next to email Abby, regarding Ornella. Hi Noodle, Bloody hell I miss you. How's Farrell? Things going well between you two? I hope they are. Things are rather quiet on my end, and it's disappointing. A fog has set in over the harbor of my mind. The thoughts and images are hidden behind the curtain of the dense moisture barrier. I miss you. I know I've already said that, but I need you to believe. Please tell me you do. Well you can't tell me right now, seeing as though I'm writing this email to you. Oh bloody hell; I must sound like a teenage girl's diary entry. Ok, I almost deleted that last portion, but left it to provide a chuckle for you. I need your laughter to fill the space around me. Right now, I'm haunted by the memories of my past. Noodle, I do love you. I'm just sorry I couldn't love you, the way you wanted me to. This is the moment where I would stroke your cheek, and you'd try, and turn away. You know I wouldn't let you. Your brown eyes would connect with mine, and you'd give me that pleading look. The tears would threaten to break their barriers. Abby please let know how you're doing. I miss you tremendously. If Farrell would like, I would fly him over as well. I don't separate mates, I promise you that. I'm not God, nor do I intend to try and be. Just thought you might need a little break. Well I best be catching some rest. Sleep well my love. Cheers Arc I sent the email, and waited to for the ping, alerting me to it being delivered. I paced the floor, and the floor boards creaked. I hit the shuffle icon on my phone. I just needed something to relive the silence, which was slowly consuming me. Sam Smith's Lay Me Down came to life. Yes I do, I believe That one day, I will be where I was Right there, right next to you And it's hard, the days just seem so dark The moon, and the stars, are nothing without you Your touch, your skin, where do I begin? It was after the last line, I was brought back to when I lived in my first flat. She looked beautiful. Her long brown hair, sat against the back of her neck in a messy bun. She wore a navy blue tank top, which had spaghetti straps. Her bra strap was exposed, but she couldn't care less. It was white, and thin like ribbon. Silk I remembered. Her tan skin was warm from the hot summer sun. Her khaki shorts were modest, and came down about midway on her thigh. Her black flip flops sat on the floor, in front of the chair she occupied. She stared out the window, as the harbor breeze blew in through the window. The smell of exhaust, and salty air were a common reminder summer was here in the city. She was content, and breathtaking. Abby was only eighteen, but you'd have never guessed it. She held herself with such poise, and grace. "Quite content are we?" I asked, walking up behind her, setting down her glass of lemonade. She turned her head, and looked up at me. Her brown eyes twinkled, "Yes I am." She smiled, and picked up the glass taking a sip. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was just beautiful, and caring. There was a spark there. She set her glass down, and looked at me. "Hi." Her voice was soft, and sincere. "Hello love." I smiled, and looked at her. I gently held her hand in mine, and she blushed. The music played softly in the background, and I tugged ever so gently on her hand. "Arc what are you doing?" She questioned. I gave a bashful grin, and pulled her to her feet. I placed my hand on the small of her back, the other within her hand. Quietly, I let my body move with the rhythm of the music as it played. "Quite the dancers are we?" She smirked, and let her head fall back. I smiled, and slowly came to a stop. I couldn't stand her hair being up anymore. It was beautiful, and I wanted to watch it move, as we danced. My hands carefully removed the elastic, and I deposited it in her hand. "Wow." She blushed shyly, and slid it on her small wrist. "Shall we continue?" I asked, stepping back into formation, and she joined me again. She laid her head, against my chest. I swore once her head connected with me, my heart skipped a beat. I tightened my grip slightly, not to hurt her. I wanted her to feel safe, secure. I leaned down, kissing the top of her head. I felt her intake of air, before she let out a deep sigh. "Sweetheart is everything alright?" I questioned, slowing us to almost a stop. She shook her head, and looked up at me. I stopped dead in my tracks, "Abby please tell me what's wrong?" I held her face in my hands, searching frantically for any sign. She moved her hands, firmly holding onto my wrists. Her gaze locked on mine. "Arc?" She spoke ever so softly. "Yes?" I smiled, trying to reassure her everything was alright. I felt it wasn't. She stood up on her tippy toes, and pressed her warm soft lips against mine. Her grip tightened on my wrists, as I felt myself struggling to remember to breath. She'd taken me completely by surprise. She gently pulled away, and blushed. "I'm sorry. I just had to." Her voice was soft, and on the verge of a giggle. "I guess so." I was stumbling for words. "Arcanum, come with me." She smiled, and took me by the hand. I followed behind her, watching as her hair swayed with her movements. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I wouldn't fight with her. I needed to see what she was going to show me. She'd gone for so long in life, with nobody listening to what she had to say. Nobody bothered to look, at what she wanted to show them. She stopped at my bedroom door. "Please trust me." She asked, almost as though she feared I may reject whatever it might be. She turned the knob, and opened the door. She stepped in, pulling me in tow behind her. It was then, when she let go of my hand, and walked over to my bed. She crawled on top of the covers, and laid down looking up at me. "Come lay with me please." She looked at me with her large brown eyes. There was excitement within them. I did as she had asked. I smiled, and crawled on top of the covers. I was about to lie down beside her, when she pulled me towards her. "Abby?" I questioned quietly. I hovered above her now. I peered down at her beauty. "Kiss me Arc. Just kiss me please." She asked with such kindness, and need. Her hand came up, and stroked my cheek. I obliged, and gently placed my lips upon hers. The connection sizzled, like electricity. My heart started to beat faster, as did hers. Her arms moved, snaking around my neck, pulling me closer to her now. Her breathing had changed, and her heart was beating rapidly with excitement. "I love you Arc." She whispered against my lips. "I love you too." I smiled, returning the words. They were sincere, and heartfelt. Her fingers were entwined in my hair, her eyes closing slowly, as I continued to kiss her once again. Her lips feverishly returned the kiss. Her hands gently tugging at my hair, as her kisses became longer, more passion filled. I couldn't resist this. She was everything I ever wanted, and more. "Arcanum, please don't stop." She whispered by my ear. Her lips were now just below my ear, against my neck. Her warm breath sent shivers down my spine. She kissed my neck softly, as she inhaled deeply. I moved my neck, exposing more of it for her. I couldn't allow her to continue in this alone. My lips found the crook of her neck, and I placed a soft kiss. A moan of pleasure slipped from her lips, and I smiled. "You're breathtaking sweetheart." I spoke softly; my voice was slightly deeper at the moment. I could feel her smile. "You're quite handsome yourself." She grinned, and wiggled slightly underneath me. I placed a kiss on her shoulder, and she exhaled. My hands carefully cradled her body, and she pushed herself against me. Our chests came together, our clothing separating us. I smiled, moving the straps from her shirt, and undergarment off her shoulder. I wanted to place soft kisses against her skin. Show her how much I truly embraced every aspect of her. "Arcanum, that feels amazing." Her fingers played with my hair, as goose bumps rose where I had placed my kiss. "As it should my love," I smiled, continuing. My lips proceeded to the end of her shoulder, and she exhaled. It was a sigh of contentment. I started from her shoulder, across her collarbone, stopping at the base of her throat. A soft gasp and a moan of arousal filled the space between us. "Oh." Was all she said, while her fingers moved from my hair to my back. I proceeded once again, kissing along her other collarbone. I gently slid the straps off her other shoulder, and continued to trail kisses. She shifted a little, whispering. "Please don't stop." And so I did not. I had never undressed a lady before. Nor had I ever seen a woman, in the nude. Her hand continued down my back, to the bottom hem of my shirt. She gently tugged at it. I smiled, hating the slightest separation between us, even if momentary. I straightened myself, as I straddled her carefully, and pulled my shirt off over my head. I watched as she blushed, a beautiful pink. "Are you alright Love?" I asked watching her, as she grinned, then bit her lip softly. I leaned down once again, placing a soft kiss on upon her lips. My hands gently caressed her arms, and slid her straps back onto her shoulders. She looked up at me, taking my hand placing it at the bottom of her shirt. "Abby?" I questioned looking at her, feeling the fabric underneath my finger tips. She nodded, and smiled. Carefully, I slid the fabric up, exposing her soft skin. Her abdomen dipped, as she inhaled deeply. My fingers brushed ever so lightly, across her ribs. I slid her shirt over her head, and left her lying on my bed, in her satin bra. Her shirt fell to the floor, and I leaned down again, kissing her with more passion. My chest was pressed against hers. "Arc, help me sit up for a moment please." She smiled, as her eyes twinkled. I shifted myself, allowing her to sit up. I smiled, pulling her into m lap. I leaned in, placing soft kisses on her neck once again. My hands explored her back, gently caressing her skin. My fingers stopped at the clasps of her bra. "Please." She asked softly. "Please what my Love?" I asked, not willing to move forward without her consent. "Please, it's ok. Help me remove my bra. I want to feel your skin on mine." She smiled, looking up at me. I moved slowly unhooking each clasp. Her breath hitched, once the last clasp came free. Carefully I slid each strap off of her shoulder, replacing them with soft kisses. I slide the satin over her arms, and into my hands with such ease; letting it fall to the floor, joining her shirt. She moved in my lap, so she was facing me. She pressed her chest against mine, kissing me. Her fingers slid into my hair. To feel her soft, full breasts against my chest was undeniably breathtaking. I placed my hands on her back, holding her against me. Taking her in my embrace was only the beginning of this moment. She smiled, and leaned back looking up at me. "Hello." I smiled at her. "Hi." Her smile was full, and happy. I watched as she carefully slid out of my arms. She lay back on the bed, looking up at me. I never broke my eye contact with her, I just admired her beauty. "Please touch me." She spoke with a slightly nervous tone. I did as she had asked. I leaned over, stroking her cheek. She nestled against the palm of my hand. A purr came from here, as her brown eyes softened. "I will never touch you without permission." I smiled, and leaned down kissing her neck again. "Please Arcanum, I trust you." She whispered, almost as if it were a plea. My lips traveled, tracing patterns on her skin carefully. Her slight squirm and soft giggle made me smile. I finally had made my way over her collar bone again, to the base of her throat. Her fingers stroked the back of my neck gently, as I started to kiss down the middle of her chest. My hands moved carefully, caressing her cupping her breasts within my hands. The moan she released had awoken something within me, I'd never felt before. "Oh God, Arcanum." Her voice startled me. Her back arched slightly at my touch, and I waited gauging my next move. She relaxed again, against the mattress, and so I continued. My hands started to massage her breasts. I moved with precision, and carefulness. I never grabbed at her, or moved vigorously. She was my precious Abby, and that's how I would handle a beautiful woman. I felt myself becoming aroused, and I felt somewhat embarrassed. My erection pressed against my shorts, and I knew she could feel it. I whispered softly to her. "If I'm hurting you, promise you'll tell me." I pressed my lips to her breast, placing soft kisses all over. Her fingers stroked my neck, as she lay quietly with her eyes closed. Her breathing had become heavier, and she would shift every so often. "Arcanum, you're fine. We're fine. Please don't stop." She spoke with a different tone, one of excitement. I moved my hand from her breast, up to her cheek stroking gently. My tongue gently caressed her nipple, feeling it swell underneath the warmth of my mouth. "Mmm." Abby's moan was amazing. She pulled me against her, not wanting to let go of me. Our passion for one another, continued. I caressed her soft skin. I refused to move forward, without her permission. She slid out of her shorts, and kicked them off the bed. She laid there in a simple pair of cotton panties that were covered in a simple floral print. I followed her cue, and removed my shorts as well. They made a small thud, as they hit the floor. My wallet and keys were still in them. She giggled, and looked at me. I lay beside her, holding her carefully. Her head nestled in the crook of my arm. "Arc, will you please touch me. I've never been touched, and I want it to be with you." She looked up at me, and I kissed her forehead. "Sweetheart, I've never been with anyone in any sort of intimacy." I was honest with her. I had to be. She was my best friend. "Then we'll be each other's first." Abby smiled, tracing small patterns, over my small patch of chest hair. "Are you comfortable?" I asked her stroking her back gently. "Yes I am. Thank you." She smiled. I let my left hand, squeeze her right hip gently. I moved it slowly, squeezing her thigh. I watched as she smiled, shifting from her side to her back. She slowly opened her legs, exposing herself to me. "Please touch me." Abby requested, with a sense of anticipation. I moved my hand up her thigh, and slowly over her, cupping her over the panties. I could feel her warmth, and excitement of my touch. "Please Arcanum." She placed her hand on top of mine, pushing slightly. I hooked my thumb in the top of the panties, and tugged on them. Carefully I slid them off, and she pushed them off to the floor. I looked at Abby, as her eyes locked on mine. I gently caressed her, not wanting to hurt her, or cause discomfort. She was warm, and soft. I gently touched her, exposing her soft petal. My thumb carefully stroked it, and a whimper of pleasure assured me she was all right. "Oh Arcanum please don't stop." Her hips pushed up, against my hand. "I won't baby." I leaned down, kissing her neck, continuing the motion with m thumb. Her moistness grew, and the moans were more frequent. I shifted my hand, sliding a finger within her carefully, making sure not to cause pain. A louder moan was expressed, and she shivered. "Oh continue please." She begged, reaching for my hand. I smiled, and proceeded to slide a second finger inside of her. She continued to moan, and I loved it. To know I was causing her feelings, of pleasure were amazing. I looked at her, and moved slowly down the bed. I lay between her legs, and looked up at her. "Arcanum," She questioned me. I gently pressed my lips against her, removing my thumb letting my tongue take over. Abby's hands were in my hair, holding on as she moaned. I let my tongue caress, and taste every ounce of her. I wasn't greedy, but I wanted to continue. Her beauty was stunning, and I could feel her tighten around my fingers. "Arcanum, I can't." She was starting to gasp. "Sweetheart, don't hold back. Please let go for me." I smiled, and continued to take care of her. My hand kept moving at a steady careful pace. Her back arched off the bed, and she pulled my hair; as her moans filled my pad. She was unraveling, and the way her body twisted, and turned was amazing. After she had come down, I moved kissing up her body, until I was inches from her face. "Arcanum, that was amazing." She smiled, stroking my cheek. "That was beautiful and breathtaking Abby." I smiled, feeling her touch against me. "Arcanum, you've never been with anyone before?" Abby asked softly. I shook my head, "Never beautiful. You were my first." I smiled, kissing her softly. She licked her lips, and looked at me, "Arcanum please make love to me. Be with me. I don't want to be with anyone else." Her hand stroked my cheek once again. "Abigail are you sure?" I questioned, not wanting her to make a hasty decision. "Arcanum please," She shifted, sliding her hand inside of my boxers. I swallowed, feeling her stroke me. She was firm, but gentle at the same time. The sensation was something I had never felt before. I looked at her, and swallowed. "Arcanum please I want to feel you within me. I want it to be with someone I love, and who loves me back." She looked at me, continuing to stroke me. "I don't have any condoms." I had never had any need for them before. "Arcanum, I've been on birth control since I was fifteen. I'm eighteen now. Please, baby?" She never let go or lost focus. I slid my boxers off, and looked at her. She smiled, letting go of me, so I could reposition myself. I moved carefully in between her legs. She was exposed, and beautiful. I watched her carefully. She reached down, taking me in her hand again. She brought me against her. Taking my tip, she carefully rubbed me against her swollen petal. Her moan caused me to stiffen up. I smiled, and carefully moved her legs, into a comfortable position for her. "Are you ready?" I asked, looking into her eyes. "Yes." She smiled, moving her hand. I positioned myself, so I lined up with her. She watched me, as I pushed into her slowly. She smiled, and moaned her eyes closing. "Arcanum." She moaned, as my name left her lips. I leaned down kissing her, as I started to move slowly. Her hands tangled in my hair, as I started moving in, and out slowly. She was breathtaking, and mine. She was my beautiful first love. Her back arched, and I pushed into her farther as we climaxed together. She was panting, and I was trying to catch my breath. Her eyes were closed, her hair spread out across my pillows, her legs wrapped tightly around my waist. I leaned down, cradling her face in my hands, kissing her with rich passion. "I love you Abby." I smiled, stroking her hair. "I love you Arcanum." Tears of happiness slid down her cheeks. I moved carefully, and covered us with a sheet. Her head rested gently on my chest, as she laced her fingers with mine. If this was euphoria, I never wanted to leave it. My phone chimed, alerting me to a Twitter notification. I was brought back to the harsh reality I was living in now. I sighed, unlocking my phone, and went to the app. I had a notification, and decided I had nothing better to do, so I checked it. @MsBlack @corvusnublia I like to think that we had it all We drew a map to a better place But on that road I took a fall Oh baby why did you run away? Great lyrics for your story don't you think? ;) My jaw hit the floor, faster than a penny being dropped from the Empire State Building. Ornella had read my email, but chose not to respond. I truly felt as though, the devil himself may have felt mercy for me.