I couldn't bring myself to move from where I sat at the table. I just looked at her. I'd basically ripped out her heart, and dropped it on the floor. I could swear I heard the gasping of her soul, trying to stay alive. I straightened up, and stretched out my stiff muscles. I looked at the clock, and decided there was no returning to sleep. I pushed off the table, and walked into the kitchen. I stood there in just my bottoms, and stared at the doorway to the living room. My phone buzzed on the counter. I saw Ornella had sent a message. I keyed in my password, and was brought to the message.
‘Arcanum I hope you're ok. I know we've not spoken recently. I was hoping to meet up? If you're not busy this afternoon, say 3:00? Starbucks on Congress St.’
I read the message, and looked back up towards the doorway. Abby stirred again, the leather of the couch groaned. I waited, but heard not foot steps. I brought my attention back to the message on my phone which awaited a response. I stared at it for a few minutes. Then I decided to reply.
I hit send. Before I'd even set the phone down, she'd replied
‘Great! Can't wait to see you. I miss you.’
I set my phone back down, and weighed between a cup of coffee, and a glass of Brandy. I looked at the cupboards above my counter. I contemplated long and hard.
"I wouldn't suggest drinking this early in the morning. Coffee is a better choice, that's my opinion." Abby was leaning against the door frame, with her arms crossed looking at me.
I smiled at her, "Coffee?"
She shook her head, "I"m going to head home. I need to get some things done. Tell Emily I said thanks for dinner last night."
She turned away without a word, and walked down to the hall where she'd left her sneakers. I set the mug down and walked out quickly.
She was just balancing, sliding on her beat up pair of converse on.
"Hey stay for a bit. Let me shower, we'll go have brunch."
She straightened up, and pulled on her peacoat.
"No I need to get home." she pulled her hair from underneath her coat.
I watched as it cascaded down her back. I kept praying she'd stay.
"Come on please. You need to eat."
She buttoned up her coat, and responded without looking at me, "I have food at home. I have a place where I live. I pay rent, and I buy food." She was being snide with me.
"Abby that's not what I'm saying. Please, don't do this."
Her head snapped up, and she looked at me with the coldest hazel eyes I'd ever seen.
"Don't do what? I'm not doing a fucking thing Arcanum. I'm going home. I'm not hungry. I'm not going to stay here, and pour my fucking heart out to you, and you're not stable or whatever."
She shoved her bag over her shoulder, and whipped the door open. The rattle from the glass, startled me. She didn't look back, just like Olivia didn't look back at Micah. I couldn't move. I stood there paralyzed. My best friend had just left, and didn't look back.
I waited, but she wasn't coming back. I padded over quietly, and shut the doors, and walked back into my living room. I flopped down on the couch, and picked up the blanket that was covering her. I brought it up to my face, inhaling deeply. It still had her scent. What I would do to have her sitting her with me. I let my head fall back, and closed my eyes. I listened to the wind howl outside. I wondered if she'd gone home, or had she gone to study. Was she at a Starbucks, or a smaller coffee shop. Was she walking through the Public Garden's, or was she just sitting there on a city bench.
I sat there for several hours in my apartment, unmoving. I watched as the overcast sky, was fought by the sun trying to break through outside my window. Each wanted their time to shine. Was today the day of fights, or struggles. It was 1:07pm according to the grandfather clock, which sat tucked in the corner. I'd decided that if I was going to meet up with Ornella, I needed to get ready. I showered, and went through my closet. I couldn't make up my mind. I grabbed my phone about to text Abby, and ask her, but I decided that wouldn't be a good idea. She had no idea I was meeting up with my ex; plus no more fuel needed to be added to her fire. I took my time, going through my shirts. I finally found a white long sleeve dress shirt, along with a fitted black sweater and pulled both off their hangers. A pair of navy blue jeans, and black dress shoes. Once I was completely dressed, and ready to go. I grabbed my glasses, and put them on. I didn't have the patience to deal with my contacts today.
I went downstairs, making sure everything was turned off. I flipped on the lamp in the living room, because I'd assumed it would be dark by the time I'd return home. I made sure I had my wallet, keys, and phone, and snagged my coat off the hook. I buttoned up, almost as if I were preparing for a blizzard. With Ornella’s personality, she sure as hell could be considered one. . I shoved my gloves in my pocket, since this was October in Boston. The weather was always so temperamental. I plugged my headphones into my iPod, and grabbed my book, and took off out the door. I locked up behind me, and made my way down to the sidewalk. I looked up at my home, and it just looked as sad as I felt. I pulled out my iPod, and scrolled through the music, before starting my journey. I decided on the band 10 Years, and the song Dying Youth, then started down the damp sidewalk that lay before me.
As I approached the Starbucks, I saw Ornella inside the small shop. She sat in a rich purple chaise chair. There was a matching one across from her. She was buried in a book, her legs crossed like she was speaking with one of her patients. Ornella never looked comfortable when she sat. It was as though she was always ready to jump. I never quite understood why. She'd changed during our relationship, and I never knew what prompted the accelerated change. I would have supported her, no matter what. She just decided abruptly, that she couldn't do it. That killed me. I had planned on proposing to her while we were in university together. She quickly pulled away. It was as if overnight, my Ornella had disappeared, and was replaced with a doppelgänger. She looked up from her book, as the barista set down to coffee's in front of her. Great she'd ordered my usual. What was this impromptu visit regarding. I inhaled deeply, regaining my focus.
"Think Arcanum, don't fall for her tricks." I nodded to myself, and crossed the street, and entered the small shop.