The previous windows that were open on my computer lit up. I had multiple notifications on Twitter once again. Tumblr, Facebook and then my email were next on my list. My heart just about dropped to my stomach. I saw I'd received a few new messages. I prayed to whomever my creator was that Abby had gotten back to me. I took a few deep breaths, as my fingers glided across the track pad clicking on my inbox. It wasn't Abby. Instead it was my publisher. My book was now being released in Australia. I should be ecstatic, but I wasn't. I put out a tweet to my fans sharing the good news. Tomorrow would be the big cover reveal. Now the task of going through the mentions, retweets, and favorites. I started looking and the retweets were already flooding in for my Australia news. I tried to respond to as many tweets as possible. Then there it sat her personal twitter account.
@itschattyabby guess I'm having a date with a fictional boyfriend again. Hmm which one. Hope he likes Chinese.
@itschattyabby hyacinth bouquet left on my stairs. Guess he's sorry...
@itschattyabby Chinese, book, bed... #lonelyfridaynight
I swallowed, feeling my balls kick them self. I decided to tweet out.
@corvusnubia I feel like the worlds biggest jerk. Being a man isn't easy. We don't easily pick up on clues
@corvusnubia The Heart of Life - John Mayer. This goes out to Olivia, from Micah.
Then the next thing I know, it’s been retweeted multiple times. Twitter followers marked it as a favorite. Then I saw she had marked it as a favorite. Then I was notified of a reply to the tweet.
@itschattyabby Richard Marx Hold on to the Nights
I was all too familiar with this song. So now I wasn’t sure if she was directing this at me, or if she was just so angry, she would send me in a tail spin. I loved her, but I hadn’t pined after any sort of a relationship, since breaking up with Ornella. She just didn’t possess what I sought out. She had her own agenda, and expected for me to wait around. I couldn’t anymore. Then again, I’d had hoped she’d wait for me. I remember when we broke up. It was as though she’d not even cared.
“I hope your life goes the way you want it to.” I spoke to her, and watched as she looked around.
“Yeah you too. I need to get going.” She pecked my cheek, while she was on her tippy toes and left me standing there, in the middle of Faneiul Hall.
It was New Years Eve. I was in school in Boston. I shivered as that memory came back all too vividly.
I went back to my iTunes library and hit play. I Miss You by Blink 182 came on. The lyrics were so haunting. It fit Micah, and Olivia’s relationship. She was missing who he was. He was missing her. I’d left my readers with such a cliff hanger. What would happen to then in the next book.
“Olivia please listen to me. I’m sorry.” Micah spoke, choking on the words.
She whipped around, “Sorry. Sorry. You son of a bitch. You’re only sorry because you really screwed up this time. Have fun. I’m not waiting anymore. I miss my Micah.”
I could hear Abby saying this to me. “I miss you Arcanum. I miss my Arcanum.”
Oh I was delusional. I was creating some fake relationship we’d never had. She had posted a few songs, and then her tweets. Was she just angry I didn’t answer her, or was it worse. I was going to try once more, and see if I could lure her out from behind her computer screen, tablet, or phone, what ever she was on. So I rummaged through my library until I found it.
@corvusnubia Incubus - I Wish You Were Here
I sent the tweet. Then once again, it’s been retweeted multiple times. Twitter followers marked it as a favorite. Then in my newsfeed popped up her name. I was excited until I saw what she’d chosen.
@itschattyabby Hate Me - Blue October
She’d picked the the hardest part of the song to digest as her tweet.
@itschattyabby Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand. And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
I sighed, and listened to the whole song. She was feeling guilty for blowing me off. Hate Me was her apology song. Abby looked beautiful on the outside, and she was on the inside as well. Truthfully though, she was a fallen angel, like myself. I never pushed her deeply into divulging her secrets. I never could divulge mine. My mother had her reasons for naming us after religious characters. It was her way of seeking forgiveness. Emily lucked out with the normal of the names. Arcanum was an interesting name. After all it is middle name. I choose to go by, Arcanum Daath Corvus when writing. Everything combined means, The Vital Wisdom. It was symbolized in the story of the Garden of Eden, as the tree of Knowledge. I remember the interviewer who’d done her research.
Mandy Glinski: Well it’s a pleasure to speak with you, or should I say type to you.
Arcanum Corvus: *laughs* Likewise my dear.
MG: May I squeal. You called me DEAR. Fan girling over here.
AC: *laughs harder* Fangirling seems to be a new term, that’s been coined rather fast I see. I don’t think I’ve ever fanboyed ;).
MG: *Fans self* Ok back to questions. Now your name is quite interesting. I know you’ve been asked if it’s real, and it is. Where does it come from. Latin?
MG: So a pseudonym that’s latin for, what I understand to be; quite interesting. Now would you mind explaining? I’ve done my research, but I don’t want our readers raising an eyebrow.
AC: Well it’s derived from The heart of Gnosis. Gnosis is a Greek Noun for knowledge. The heart of Gnosis is The Great Arcanum. It’s a vital wisdom. Many of the ancient cultures, well they possessed the great wisdom.
MG: Now according to the Webster Merriam dictionary I’ve come up with,
mysterious or specialized knowledge, language, or information accessible or possessed only by the initiate —usually used in plural
AC: Correct *gives a mischievous smile*
MG: Well your name seems quite fitting. What is it about mystery, that you like so much.
AC: Have you looked up the definition of mystery in your dictionary recently?
MG: Nope but I am now.
AC: *sits back in my chair, and leisurely reads a Nancy Drew book*
MG: *sighs* Multiple definitions Sir. So what should I go for?
AC: *sets down book and rubs chin thoughtfully* How about a religious truth that one can only know by revelation and cannot fully understand.
MG: So it’s a religious pseudonym for you.
AC: *shrugs and winks* The beauty of mystery. It can also be something not understood, or it’s beyond anyone’s understanding. Actually better yet, a secretive quality, or character.
MG: Did you just actually wink?
AC: When writing, I frequently act out with myself a scene. I think that’s why my neighbors avoid eye contact now.
MG: Why is that?
AC: They probably think I’m schizophrenic.
MG: *laughs* I’m sorry.
AC: I’m not. I was kidding about the neighbors. If I didn’t act out scenes, how would I know how they should unfold in the story line.
AC: My dear, I’m writing a script. The only difference is, nobody is acting it out.
MG: You’re extremely insightful. I appreciate your time. You’ve been a pleasure to speak with. I can’t wait to read the new book. I wish you all the best of luck.
AC: Thank you. I enjoyed sharing my time with you. Keep “Fan - girling.” ;)
I wish you the best of luck, in what ever your future may bring.
It was late. It was after midnight, and I was unable to sleep once again. I grabbed the photo album from college off the shelf. I sat down on the couch, and flipped through the pages.
There was a black, and white photograph. Abby was on her tippy toes. I towered over her. She looked up at me. Her perfectly sculpted nose pointing up in my direction. I leaned down touching mine to hers. Cassiel had snapped the picture.
“Bloody perfect I say.” He grinned.
I just looked into her beautiful eyes. They were warm, and soft. Today they were green. I gently caressed the photo.
“Eskimo Kisses.” That’s what she called them.
I needed an Eskimo Kiss right now.