I am alone.
The moon shines bright in the sky with its fellow stars dancing in joyous leaps and twists.
And I am alone.
The lone wolf in the crowd.
The girl who people see but do not see.
The girl whose thoughts and feelings are concealed from this world.
You think you know me.
But you do not.
I am alone.
And alone I shall stay.
Weeping silently into the night as my soul blackens.
My humanity is almost dead.
With every silent shriek of pain, I die more inside.
Loneliness is not friendless.
For I have friends.
Yet I am alone.
You look at me with your prying eyes.
Analysing and judging my every move.
My lack of beauty disturbs you.
I do not care.
Every step I take is looked upon.
Not with envy.
Why, I do not know.
Perhaps, my exterior that hides the pain you inflict has cracked.
No, that can't be it.
Not once wince the moment I came here has it cracked.
Maybe it's the way they talk at me.
Pity me you may.
But I do not need it.
For you do not intimidate me.
The feeling that burns deep within me
Every drop of humiliation sparks the dreadful sensation
Every time you taint my body
And every time you corrupt my soul
Shame is all that I feel
Every time you lay your hands on me
Forcing yourself upon me
Screaming in glory as I scream in horror
I feel myself slowly giving in to your presence
You are my master
I am your puppet
Lying lifeless as you take away my one true gift
How could you?
You hurt, steal and shatter all the time
All the light that was once there is now replaced by darkness
So piercingly evil
Every time I see your face I see no longer the boy you once were
Instead I see a cruel, cold-hearted monster
A monster who stole my innocence
Who beat me until I was close enough to death I could taste it
The one who I had trusted in most
The one who I had confided all my best and worst secrets
You walk towards me
Yellowing teeth bared like sharp fangs
Your eyes wild and demented
The warmth in your eyes and the youth in your looks gone
The very face of insanity
I plead for your mercy today
You raise your arm and I feel the almost unbearable sting of your slap
You clutch my face and whisper teasingly in my ear
Not today sweet pea
Your breath reeks of cigarettes and alcohol
And I stifle a stray sob as you begin to unbuckle your pants
How could you?
Rape and abuse your own family!
I once saw you as my hero
My prince charming!
My knight in shining armour!
You may be my brother by blood
But you are not my brother in my heart
You are my prison, Tomas
And you have me trapped!
I walk alone down the empty streets
Drowning in my despair and helplessness
Betrayed by own flesh and blood
Mummy, why do you watch on?
Why do you laugh is Tomas hits me and rapes me?
Daddy, why did you leave me here?
Why did you turn your back on me when I needed you most?
Tomas, why do you do the things you do to me?
Is it because you long for the one thing you haven't got?
My brothers, why are you so hateful and cruel?
What possessed you to turn your backs on family?
I know that I am vulnerable
I know that I am weak
Pathetic and useless
This family is built up on foundation of lies
Beautiful on the outside
But ugly and twisted on the inside
You ask me constantly why I am the way I am
I never answer because you already know
You know that you are all the reason why I am so fucked up on the inside!
Why I wake screaming and crying from the night terrors!
Why I crave love yet flinch away from the mere thought!
Why I have become an empty shell that is only a fragment of what it used to be!
I want to rip your limbs of you one by one
I want to make you watch as I skin you alive
I want to hate you for what you have done to me
But I can't
My own heart forces me to love you all unconditionally
Despite all you have done
My heart still clings on to the past
All of those good times
They are my comfort
My anchor to my sanity
They will be my undoing