21. 28th July ~ Rose
I choke back a sob, as I watch my only hope leave... Maybe forever. I wasn't sure anymore, and everything that I was sure about was gone. Would I ever see him again? What if...what if...no! I couldn't think like that. I hold out a hand, wishing that the empty air wouldn't be so hollow. I start to move my legs meaninglessly, not noticing I was walking along the pathway of the river that run through our village. I faintly heard the screeches and wails of cats in the distance. It must have been that old bat, Mrs McDearingly. I tune out and fell the soft earth between my bare feet, staining my skin green and brown. My crimson hair hangs limply beside my face, like curtains. I breathe in the crisp air and watch the water trickle past me.
I remembered the old myth that running water washed off faeries curses. Maybe if I felt the icy water close over my head, and my awful brown eyes close for the last time, and I would take my last breath. Maybe this curse of being so lonely, whilst knowing my only light in this world was away facing Death directly in the face, could wash away. If it could be so simple. I shake the thoughts out of my mind. No. This wouldn't bring him back. I sigh and sit by the river bank. I dip my hand in, my fingers tracing the pattern in the water, the cold spreading numbness throughout my hand like a spider's web. Thoughts spin like a thousand dancers in a ballet, pounding like an elephant Mother had shown me when she took me to the Zoo when I was a lot younger. I remember my father there, like a ghostly figure. Or like a hallucination. We laughed, like we did before Father fell ill. She looked beautiful when she smiled. Her smile stretched out and her eyes crinkled and glimmered with joy even when it was raining. I smile sadly at the fond memories, and I start to think of Edward again.
Maybe if I thought of him, he'd be back. I could see his startingly green eyes shine brightly in the light, his mussed up blond hair brushing my face as he held me in his strong and tan arms, his freckles disappearing as he wrinkled his nose in that adorable way it does when he concentrates. So many maybe's. Maybe, He would return. Maybe, He would...die. Maybe, He would live but remain a broken man. So many stupid maybe's. I was sick of maybe's. All I wanted was Edward back with me again. But a single maybe sticks in my head, It's voice echoing in my head. It filled me with the only hope I could think of.
Maybe I could go to War.