I wake up the next morning from a terrible night of trying to sleep with all of this information. But failing miserably I just have to realize that I have to go face to face with what is going to happen even if I am ready for it or not. My real parents want to try to come back into my life again. I really just don’t understand that if they wanted me back or wanted to see me, why did they wait sixteen whole years to do this? Why couldn’t they have just made up their minds about everything when I was little? I really don’t understand how they can have the right to just decide that they finally want to come and meet me after all of these years without me.
My mother has done a great job of raising me alone to be who I am today. These people who are my birth parents that just ditch me somewhere by myself wouldn’t have been able to raise me right anyways. But I do guess that it would be nice to at least see where I came from? Like do I look like my real parents? Did they end up having other kids after they had me? Oh god I really just want all of these stupid questions answered and out of my head right now. I just really need to know the answer to the last question so badly though, even though I really hope that it is a no that they didn’t have any other children after me. If they did have other children after they put me up for adoption, did they go up for adoption too? Or did they finally decide to become parents and I just became the unwanted, unloved child that they forgot all about?
Well I guess that I really shouldn’t go that far. I did grow up being loved enough by mother. But there is always something missing by not really being loved enough by your real parents or for them to just give you up just like that for instance. I really should just forget about all of these things until I am out of school today so that I can discuss all of this with mother.
After I get done being in my thoughts I had just barely enough time to get ready before Ryan picked me up for school. This might end up turning into a regular thing with him picking me up and riding to school together. I actually really hope that it does end up becoming a regular thing because we are starting to talk to each other more and we actually have a lot of things in common. We are both only children, we both love and I mean LOVE music, and also we both absolutely despise Heather. Oh yes Heather, the know-it-all, perfect girl at our school that everyone wants to be and hang out with. I just really hate people that are like that because they end up getting enough attention anyways. She is just so rude when she is around everyone, speaking of the devil we see her running up to the car when we get to the front of the school.
I quickly say goodbye to Ryan and get as far away from the car as fast as possible because I don’t really want to see her right now. IN know that it seems really harsh for me to say but I just hate her a lot. But I do actually have another secret that no one knows about me except Heather and I but we definitely don’t talk about it ever. When Heather and I were in kindergarten through second grade we were best friends. I know, I don’t even know how we could have ever been best friends but we were. Well Heather didn’t end up starting to talk to her (popular) friends until we were in the third grade and then that’s when they started to think that they were better than everyone else. But I am the only person that knows that before she was just another boring average person that liked to be around me. So it has been a while since she has only talked to me once since then, but it was only to tell me that if anyone ever found out that we used to be friends then I would be dead. It sounds really harsh but I never will tell anybody anyways because I don’t even want to even see what she would try to do if I do actually say something to anybody.
So when I end up getting to my first hour I get so excited that we are still working on that project that I ended up finishing in class yesterday. That means that I can have a full hour just to be alone and in peace with all of my thoughts. So I have an hour to be able to figure this out about my parents. Of course I would love to meet them, but would that be such a good idea right now? Because I know for a fact that I don’t want to meet them and then get attached and wouldn’t want to leave then again. But on the other hand I don’t want to meet them since they have done nothing for me throughout my life except bring me into it. So I really don’t have anything else to say about that last fact there. Even though it would be nice to see where I did come from and everything else. Oh Raina why won’t you snap out of it? You are only going to make yourself want to meet them even more than you want to meet them right now.
As the day flew by just like the wind. It was finally time to hop back into Ryan’s old Jeep at the end of the day and start to go home. Even though this day has felt pretty short it actually has dragged on for so long. Since my real parents are all I have been thinking about today. I feel like I‘m even starting to annoy myself by thinking about it so much. But I know that I have to come to a conclusion about this today or else mother will have to pick what is going to happen for me. Even though I would like her to pick for me anyways, I am afraid that she will pick for me not to meet them and then I will not feel so good about it because I would have missed my chance to meet them in my whole life.
“Hey Raina, what has been on your mind all day today? You don’t really seem like the normal you that I know.” Ryan asks out of the blue getting me to snap out of my thought yet again.
“Oh it’s nothing, just something really dumb and you probably don’t want to listen to what I am thinking about anyways.” I reply since he most likely just asked to be nice and really doesn’t care.
“It’s alright if you don’t want to tell me, it’s totally fine. I was just wondering what was happening, but if you do want to tell me sometime I would listen just so you know.” Fine I guess I‘ll have to tell him now since now I know that he is listening and not blocking out every word that I tell him.
“It’s really nothing, just something that is going on with my parents.” I admit to him.
“Oh well your mom seems like she is a really good person and well I have never met your dad so I don’t know about him.
“No not my mother my real parents have decided that they want to finally see me again, I probably should have told you that I am adopted before right now.”
God I probably should have told him before now. He’s most likely so confused right now because of what I said. I am so stupid, this is why I don’t tell people anything about me normally. I am not even sure if anyone at my school even knows that I am even adopted in the first place. I guess I was just certain that people would have realized that my mother wasn’t my real mother for some reason. Well maybe it is because I have fair skin and blonde hair, while mother has fair skin and dark hair. So people could have thought that we were related but other than both having fair skin we are total opposites.
“Wow well I guess people learn new things everyday them. So have your real parents ever tried to talk to you before until now?” Ryan asks me.
“No that is the thing, they haven’t tried to see me until now. That’s why I think it’s so weird that they have waited sixteen years to come and see me, when no one was stopping them for coming to see me sooner in my life.”
“I don’t know either, I think that it’s kind of weird that they are doing that too. Sorry but can we talk more about this later since it seems like we are back at your house now?”
“Yeah of course, we can finish this conversation tomorrow, or if you want you could come over later and we could do our homework together and talk about this too.”
“Sure that seems like it would be fun, here’s my number. Call me later and I‘ll come over Raina, bye.”
Wait did that really just happen? Did I just effortlessly get Ryan’s phone number or am I just in another one of my daydreams? I really didn’t know that I could have that much courage to even ask anyone over to my house especially asking Ryan. I guess since we have been talking more everyday I have been becoming more confident in these type of situations. Alright I am feeling like being awkward again I just want to go inside and run up into my room to get back into my little bubble until I get to socialize with Ryan for the second time today.
When I in walk into the house mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner already. I don’t know why though since it’s still only about three o’clock, why does she have to start cooking now?
“Mother, why are you starting to cook dinner right now? Isn’t it a little too early for that?”
“Oh yes it kinda is but Raina sit down real quick. They, I mean your parents wanted an answer quicker than we expected since they are only going to be in town for just a little while longer.”
“So what does that have to do with anything right now going on today then mother?”
“It has to do with today because since I had to give them an answer, they are coming over for dinner tonight to get to meet you and talk to you for the first time. I thought you would have been excited for this right now.”
“I am excited that I finally do get to meet my real parents after all of these years. But today I have a lot of homework and I was already having Ryan over later so that we could do our homework together.”
“Well you can still be able to do that just later tonight, because either way you are either going to meet your parents before you do your homework tonight or after. They will be here in about a half an hour or so. Homework with Ryan will have to be postponed to later then got it?”
“I got it I will just go upstairs then and get ready to meet them and then call Ryan to tell him that he will have to come over later then.”
“Alright honey, I will call you down if they end up getting here earlier than they said they will be coming over.”
Great then now I have to quickly go upstairs and go call Ryan to tell him that he cannot come over until later. Also I have to change into something nicer than the sweatshirt that I am currently wearing right now. So I just throw on a new light pink sweater on over my leggings to look a little nicer than I look now. Then I throw myself onto my bed with my phone and the piece of paper that his phone number is written on. So I flip open my crappy phone and start to type in his number in and hit enter to call. I just get more nervous every time the phone rings into my ear. Then after a couple of rings he finally answers.
“Hey Ryan about you coming over tonight to do homework with me… can you maybe come over a lot later or not come over tonight?”
“Oh no it’s fine if I can’t come over if your mother doesn’t want me to.”
“No, no it’s not like that at all, she said that you can come over just not right now my real parents are apparently coming over right now. So would you mind coming over around six-ish instead of right now just so everyone isn’t over at one time.”
“Six o’clock is just fine just call me again if that changes, bye Raina see you then.”
“Okay, bye Ryan.”
I hang up my cell phone and think about how that actually was way easier than I had expected that conversation to be. So I go back downstairs and long and behold my real parents are already here and sitting on the couch with mother in the living room waiting for me to get there. Then I was just wondering why mother didn’t call me downstairs when they got here. Oh my god now I just feel terrible that they have been here the whole time waiting for my for however long it probably has been. But I really hope that now they sort of know what I have been feeling waiting for them for the past sixteen years. I get a good look at them and they kind of look just like me which is weird seeing for the first time.
“Hello I am your mother, Margret.”
“And I am your father, Robert.” They say smiling at me.
“Hi, um I guess I am your daughter Raina.”
“Raina, what a beautiful name. You look just like your…”
Then I saw someone get up from behind them and I am pretty sure that I completely lost it.
“Sister.” Robert said finishing the sentence for them.
I cannot believe it, I actually have a real sister. So many different things are going through my head right now. But I can see that she does clearly look like me, or maybe I look just like her? Even though I think that I am older than her. But this one question just keeps running through my head over and over again. Why did I get put up for adoption and she didn’t? Why was it just me and not both of us or neither of us?
Everything possible is just going through my head right now trying to figure all of this stuff out. I have a sister, a real actual sister. It’s just so weird that I could have lived my whole entire life and not have known about my parents or that I even have a sister. Just it is so unreal how life can change so fast in such a short amount of time. Also I am not quite sure what I am supposed to do now that I have actually met them now.
*Briiing, Briiing, Briiing*
Since we have been talking for a while my phone starts to ring and I totally forgot that Ryan was coming over so that we could do our homework at six o’clock. My real family is still here and I don’t know when they are going to leave, so this could not have ended up working out worse. I just hate my luck with having to time out things. But of course my real parents and sister are still here and Ryan is now going to be here any moment also.
Before I could do anything to make them or him to go away the doorbell rings and mother opens the door and lets him into the house. Now it seems that everyone is confused and I am just very embarrassed. Because I just met my real parents a couple of hours ago and now mother is letting a boy into our house to see me. Well this is just plain wonderful.
Before I could do anything to have him go away he is already in the house and mother is introducing him to everyone in the living room. Great, just great, my life is about to be officially over. I just met my real parents and now they probably think that I have a boyfriend now too. What else could possibly go wrong today of all days?
I sink lower into the char that I am sitting in as Ryan walks into the room that everyone is in, not really wanting to deal with any of what is happening right now. As I mentally try to disappear but realizing that can’t happen, I try to get ready for what is about to happen. But all of a sudden my mother tells something to Ryan making him all of a sudden say...
“Well it seems like you all are busy right now so I guess I‘ll come back another time. See you later Raina.” He says before heading back out the door where he just came from.
Now this is worse than what I thought could happen. Now I don’t even have a kind friend that could possibly say to help me get through the rest of this awkward interaction. Well now I have came to the conclusion that I am helpless here, I slowly start to sit back up in my chair hoping that what happened wasn’t that big of a deal to anyone.
But of course again with my luck my new little sister full out jumps up kind of yelling, “So who was that? Why was he here? Are you two dating Raina?” If I couldn’t tell that she was going to be annoying beforehand this was definitely going to be the dealbreaker
Of course not taking a long time to think about it to make it even more awkward I just answer her straight forward with the simplest form of the truth as I could, not really wanting to talk to her anyways. “That was Ryan, our neighbor, we were supposed to work on homework together tonight, and no we are not dating thank you very much.” I said trying not to sound very rude already since they kind of have only known me for basically a couple of minutes so far.
“Well I think that you two are dating and that you are just lying because you don’t want us to know.” She says which is just making me so annoyed that I want to just scream at her because nothing is working out today.