It's been two weeks since I've been releases from the hospital. Jade and I were a Top Value, grocery shopping for tonights dinner. Zayn says it's great news. I smelled the vegetables to see what was good or not. Jade came back from getting a frozen chicken and sack of potatoes. "I still can't believe it," Jade said. "Harry, as you're new creative writing professor. It's bad karma." "It's fate," I tell her. She snorts. "How's that fate? He probably knew what class you're taking and bam! Hello fall semester all over again. Besides we saw him with Red, no?"
Yesterday when we were out for a coffee, Jade and I saw them two get a table at the far corner. He looked happy with her. I only made him feel miserable. He was laughing and smiling like actually smiling. I only made him worry too much about me. I sighed, and stuffed the plastic bag with celery. Then I grabbed some red peppers, lettuce, carrots, radishes, and green peppers. We went to the dairy sections grabbed some milk, yogurts, and sour cream. Then when we were waiting in line at the meats, someone stood beside me. "Good afternoon Miss Mara," Mr. Styles said beside me. "Are you following me?" I asked. "Dr. Hugo said I should a close eye at you." He winked at me. I rolled my eyes.
"Don't be all wishy washy with me. Why don't you go to your precious Red."
"Yes. Miss Red, I saw how close you two were at the café." Harry lets out a low belly laugh.
I scoff. "Jealous me? Never, you're the one who's jealous."
"I'm perfectly happy with Red." "Fine."
I stomp away from him the moment my waiting number as been called. I got some steak and sliced ham for sandwiches. I turn back and he's gone. I must not let him do this to me; play with feelings. Jade came back with beer for the boys. Her face changes just as she sees me all droopy and stressed. We pay and head out of the supermarket to her car. I still don't know how to drive. On the ride back to my place, I don't tell about seeing Harry. Jade just knows I'm not myself because him. And speaking of Mr. Styles, I've got a short story due tomorrow. The topic was heartbreak; I knew what I was going to write about.
Niall put the stuffed chicken into the oven. The boys are already in their second beer, and laughing loudly. Jade was sitting next to me in bed, helping me out with the heartbreak essay. This will show him what I'm made of. I had to email the essay before midnight and it was already ten at night. He's the second guy that has broken my heart, and he didn't have to sleep with me. It started to smell really good in the apartment. We all sat around the isle counter with plates filled with chicken, smashed potatoes, and stir fry green beans. Zayn sat close to me with his hand on my bare thigh, and whispering naughty things. Then Louis interrupted by clinging his fork on the glassware. "We are all gathered in this crappy apartment with little space because Zayn has some news to share with all of us." Louis sat down and Zayn straightened up on his stool. "My art professor has offered me an internship in Paris for the summer." My heart dropped and broke to bazillion of pieces. Internship in Paris? For the summer? That's, three months from now. Everyone was a bit shock. "Have you given your final word?" Louis asked. "No, I wanted to think this over. Like a lot especially with you lads, Jade, and my girl." He squeezes my thigh and gave me a reassuring smile. I put my hand on top of his; forcing in a smile. I grabbed my glass and raised it in the air. "To Paris," I said. Everyone laughed and cheered. "To Paris," we all said together. Everyone as left and Zayn and I were washing the dishes. My dishwasher broke, and we've been lazy to replace one. I haven't spoken a word since Zayn's huge announcement. My mind was running with the thoughts of Harry telling me that I'll probably hold him back from this trip. Harry was right. I probably will. I felt a nudge on my shoulder, and looked over at Zayn.
"You've been awfully quiet," he says.
"It's … it's nothing. I'm just tired." I said waving my hand and getting back to drying the dishes. Zayn's hand grabs the dish I was drying and the towel. He pinches my chin and lifts it up.
"Don't give me that. I know it's about the internship in Paris."
"You should take it. I don't want to hold you back." I was in tears. Zayn pulls me into his chest and combs my hair. "Baby doll," he coos.
"I don't want to leave you. Why don't you come with me?"
"No!" I shout. "This is about you Zayn."
"What's so wrong with me bringing you? It's Paris babe, the city of romance."
"Expenses," I told him.
"We'll figure something out."
"No! Zayn—please understand I don't want to hold you back. This is you, your moment. I-I don't want to be that person who ruins it for you." Zayn wipes my tears with his thumb. "Okay babe. I'll take it. I won't bring it up again."
He went back to washing and I felt like I just got coal in my stocking. The Paris internship wasn't brought up and if it was—it was for Louis and Niall only.
It's March and I never felt so tired in my life. Zayn and I got into another argument about Hera. He already told his professor that he was taking the internship and was offered a full scholarship for it. Hera was going with Zayn. She was his pet for starters. And I'm horrible at taking care of pets. Things are beginning to fall out in our relationship. I thought I'd live to see this day come. All I do is cry after a huge argument and we'd cuddle. But it's that guilty kind of cuddle. I look like I haven't slept for weeks. I've got ugly bags under my eyes and they always sting with tears. In class I wasn't even paying attention to what Mr. Styles was presenting. I had a pencil in my hand, on top of the paper and I was zoning out. Maybe this will be the end? We'll break up, he'll go to Paris and I'll be twice as miserable. I snapped out when I felt my name being shouted from the front of the room. I looked up with wide eyes. Mr. Styles looked furious at me. "Miss Mara, if you didn't want to show up today—you didn't have to." I had it. "Fine!" I yelled. "I'll just leave. Anywhere is better then being stuck in the same room with you." I blurted out. I was crying when I packed all my things and skipped down the small spaces to the door. Everyone was whispering things and I bet they were wondering if Mr. Styles and I had like a thing. They could think all they want. I didn't care. I slammed the door shut and ran to the ladies bathroom. I went to the last stall and locked myself in there. Falling to the ground and crying into my knees. I stood up quickly when I heard the door open and close. Tick, tack, tick, tack. Their shoes went as they neared the end of the stalls.
"Mara?" Harry's voice echoed in the bathroom.
I exhaled a sigh of relief as I sprinted to open the stall door. I ran to him, hugging his waist and crying into his chest. He didn't say a word. I felt his arms wrap around me and kissed the top of my head. As always I felt like I was at home. I was safe from these bad thoughts. He took me to his office and we sat at the sofa he added to his space. I told him everything. How he was right and blah, blah, blah. He sat there listening to every crap I have to say about this situation. "So, he's going to Paris after graduation—and I'll probably skip a semester and visit my dad." I sat against the cushion, dabbing a tissue under my eyes. Harry was silent. He stood by his desk not even looking at me. "You're leaving Portland?" He asks silently.
I nodded and stood up. "Yeah, you know to sort out everything. My whole life is just a mess. Like a fucking disaster." I grab my bag and head towards the door. "There's nothing for me here, sir. Everything I had is slipping away." My hand is on the doorknob when he steps in front of us. "I'm still here," he whispers. Harry cups his hand on my cheek, and I'm under his spell. My hand cups his cheek and I draw small circles with my thumb. His green eyes do this glimmer flick, and my knees buckles. We haven't had a moment of pure intimacy. "You know I love you, my dear Mara." He says softly. His leans his head toward mine; our foreheads pressed against each other, our noses brushing, am our lips inches away. I let out a deep breath. "I know," I whisper. I escape from his embrace and walk out his office. I don't look back. Right now, I need to sort out my life. With Zayn leaving, my world is just collapsing and I need time to breathe.
Sigh, everyone is going their separate ways.
But don't worry, it'll get good later.
Thanks for reading.
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