Because I'm in love with you. The last six words spun in my head; I looked up at him. All three months I've bottled up my true feelings I had for Harry. I like him a lot. But I wasn't in love with him; I might have been if that incident didn't happen. I love Zayn; I wasn't in love with him. Because we've only been together for three month. How can you be in love with someone for three months? To be in love is far different from just loving someone. I love both Harry and Zayn.
Harry took a step closer and held my face in his hands. His thumbs wiping away invisible tears on my cheeks. He leaned closer, pressing his forehead against mine, and brushing our noses together. My hands placed on his chest fiddling with the ridiculous neck tie. His hands moved slowly from my face down to my neck. Pressing his fingers against my skin. I closed my eyes remembering his touch. Then his hands went down my back pressing me hard against him. A moan escaped from my lips. Harry chuckled, and said: "I don't want nobody else touching every part of you." My eyes flew open and escaped from his embrace. He looked at me stunned. I didn't want him to know that my body has been touched. Harry looked at his hands, and then to the bed that Zayn and I share. "You gave yourself to him?" He gritted through his teeth. He glared up at me, his eyes sad and full of pain. I nodded. "Harry," I whispered. I walked closer to him, timid and scared. Then my phone rang from my pocket, I stopped in the middle of the room. I took it out and it was a text from Jade. We'll be there in 10. Harry brushed past me toward the door. I ran to him grabbing his hand. "Please, Harry." I said softly. As fast as lighting, he had pressed against the door. His lips inches away from mine. I was about to say something but Harry crashed his lips hard against mine. A kiss of despair and anger. When we parted, he kissed them again only softer. "You've hurt me Mara. In the most possible way."
He was out of the apartment; taking my heart with him. I stumbled to the kitchen, falling against the counter and to the floor. I do regret everything. I regret getting the literature class for the fall—regret getting a ride with him—accepting his books—allowing him taking me out—eating me out—I regret letting him easily into my life. I was fool who slowing was falling for him. But was falling out of love. Did I really hurt him by sleeping with someone else? I mean I wasn't going to wait a millennium for him cause I thought he was gone for good. I just—I wanted … Suddenly I heard the familiar car engine roll up in the drive way. I wiped away my tears and ran to the bathroom. Turning on the water for a bath, and spilled a hand full of lavender bath bomb. I stripped off from my clothes and threw them in the hamper. I got in the bath, dipping my hair in and out and I laid back on the towel. The door opened and closed hearing a ton of footsteps. "Babe?" Zayn called out. "In here!" I answered back. The bathroom door opened and revealed a wet Zayn with drenched clothes. I held my hand out, "Accompany me." I told him. Without saying a word he stripped off from his wet clothes and dipped behind me. My back against his chest. His hand placed on my stomach and his head nuzzled in the crook of my neck. "The lads and Jade are going to cook your favorite—tacos. And I got you something." Zayn stretched for his jacket and from the pocket he retrieved that something. I then felt something cold against my chest; I stared down and saw that necklace that I've been eyeing the past few weeks. A silver pendant of a shooting star.
I turned to him. "How?" He laughed, and said: "After the art show someone anonymously bought three paintings. Odd really, but with that money and the few I've been saving I bought it." I threw myself at him; my arms wrapping around his neck. I was speechless from words. Then unexpectedly I kissed him hard on his lips. His hands wrapped around my body bringing me onto his lap. His lips trailing down my neck and sucked on my weak spot. My hand found his hard member but he stopped me. "It's your special day baby doll," he said as his hand traveled down between my legs. I nuzzled my head in the crook of neck as he slowly began to rub. My breath hitching up just as he puts a finger inside of me; pumping in and out slowly. I moaned into his neck trying not to let the others hear. He pumped faster and faster and left wet kisses down my neck and breasts. I dug my nails into his skin just as I was going to hit my high. He slowly takes his finger out and brings it up to his lips. Zayn kisses me and I taste myself. I rest my head on his chest and he combs my hair with is fingers. "Happy birthday babe," he whispers and kisses the top of my head.
The next morning I woke up sore to the bone. Bedsheets tangled in between our legs and a total mess of plastic cups and plates. I sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and saw that it was only Zayn and I. Fuck, I don't even remember what happened last night. I know that we ate tacos and played a few drinking games. Zayn was sleeping beside me with his back to me. I laid down and traced the tattoo he had on the back of his neck. My chest felt empty. How can he do this to me? Harry, out of all people. Zayn saw the necklace he gave me and Jade covered for me that she gave it to me. I'd wear it but not for him because I had too for Jade. Zayn squirm when he finally felt my finger trace his tattoo. He's a heavy sleeper. He turns and wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer. "Today we spent the day in bed," he kisses my neck. "Naked." "That sounds like a great idea but we should take Hera for a walk." I suggested. Hera jumped on our bed the moment she heard her name. She jumps onto Zayn's chest and barks loudly in a happy way. Her tail waggling and her tongue out; Hera licks Zayn's face. "Alright, you girls are impossible." He gets out of bed, naked and walks to the wardrobe. I follow behind and choose some underwear and clothes for the day. We clean up the place and eat a simple breakfast; cereal and yogurt. After that I take Hera's leash and clip it to her collar. Zayn takes a bag of dog toys, treats and doggie bags in case Hera does her business in the park. Hand in hand we walk out the apartment. It was a good morning, the sun was out, clear skies and the air was fresh. Once in awhile Hera will pull on her leash every time she sees another dog. "I think we need a Zeus for Hera," Zayn speaks from beside me. "We can have little pitbul puppies around the apartment." I see Hera smell an old phone booth and squatting down, peeing. Little pitbul puppies it's as close to actually having a baby. "That'd be lovely," I told him. He nodded in agreement. "It'd be a huge family." I worried at the word family.
I know we've been together for three months and all that jazz; but even bringing up the word family is risky. One of us might think wrong of it. Having a family would be nice in the future after I graduate, but to have one now, no. I know Zayn didn't have the intention to make a family; he was talking about a family for Hera. We reach the park and I unclipped Hera's leash from her collar. She's a well trained pitbul. Zayn drops the bag on the grass and takes out a tennis ball. He speaks to Hera in a baby talk type of way. She gets excited and when she's excited, Hera barks out loud. Zayn throws the ball across the park and Hera chases it. I sit at a near by bench and watch both of them have the fun. My fingers play with the shooting star necklace as I wonder how did Zayn cross my path. I smile at the memory of him and I first meeting one another. Pumping into him and falling on my ass. Making a complete fool of myself. Then he invited me to the café without knowing nothing about me.
"Babe," Zayn shouted. I look up to find him running toward me. "May you get more water for Hera?" He gave me the empty water container and I walked up the small hill to the restrooms because the drinking fountain was in front of it. I looked back down to see Zayn and Hera laying under the tree. Walking around the restroom, I filled the water container. Then when I turned to walk back down, my body slammed someone else's making us both fall down. I opened my eyes to see Harry above me. He was breathing heavy and sweating. Harry was shirtless and only wearing running green running shorts. "Isn't this a sign?" He asked still on top of me. "Of what?" I said already annoyed. Harry catches his breath before getting off of me and lending me hand. "That you should break up with your dumb boyfriend for me." He says it with such pride. I scoff. "In your dreams sir, and Zayn's not dumb he's graduating this year." I told him walking passed him but he grabs my arm to hold me back. "Then what? He's going to leave Mara, and you're going to hold him back to pursue what he wants. And what about you?" Anger and guilt fills me inside and I pull my arm from his grip. "Stop it! You don't know nothing of what Zayn wants or what I want." I walk down the hill almost in the verge of tears but I held them in. I didn't want to that what Harry said is true.
We were back in the apartment because gray clouds filled the sky and it started to rain. Zayn and I were in the bath. Surrounded in our silence. I haven't said nothing to him since we left from the park. The image of Harry on top of me covered in sweat and breathing hard on my neck, staid in my mind. Zayn moved making me come back to reality. "Hey, is everything alright?" He asks worried. I lay against him. "I'm not holding you back right? Cause if I am—"
"Whoa baby, where'd you get that idea?"
"I just—it just popped into my head." Zayn caressed my cheek.
"You're not holding me back baby doll." "But what about after you graduate, you're going to stay because of me and for my fault you won't be able to do what you want." "Look at me," and I did. His hazel eyes soft and they sparked. "I'm already pursing what I want baby because of you. You've encouraged me to do these art shows when I was insecure about my work. Because of you I love doing what I do. Mara, I am grateful to have you. We'll live in the present baby. When the future comes and change our paths than only what we feel in here we'll know what's right for the both of us."
I hug his torso and kiss him on the crook of his neck. "I love you," spill right out of my mouth. Zayn smiles and kisses me on the lips. "And I love you."
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