Hey guys!! I'm writing this at school but this May or may not be my free period lol. So I just really haven't been feeling good lately and not like the 'I'm sick' kind more like the I'm 'tired' kind. But I hope you guys like this!! And please just remember never hurt yourself there are people who love you (like me!) and care about you! if you ever feel like that dm me on twitter!!
Here's the next chapter lovelies!! enjoy!!
"Find out what?"
"Uh no-nothing." I stuttered nervously. Shit.
"No seriously what? Just tell us you know you can tell us anything." Ashton said looking me straight in the eye. I shivered a bit. When he looks a me like that I feel like a little kid getting yelled at. Probably because he's like the over protective older brother.
"No seriously. It's nothing, Ash." I said. My voice was firm but I can't get over the way he was looking at me. I'm like sobbing on the floor like a baby on the inside.
"Bella...don't lie to me. You know I can tell when you're lying." He said. Damn, if looks could kill, I'd be dead.
"I'm fine Ash, really. I just didn't get much sleep last night and I have a headache. I'll rest a bit and I'll be down in a while." I said.
"Fine," he reasoned. "but we need to talk when you feel better." I sighed but nodded.
Walking up the steps, I could feel their eyes on me. It was making me uncomfortable. Finally I made it up the steps and nearly ran to my room.
My breathing. My very heavy breathing was all I heard. I blocked everything else out. I couldn't hear the boys playing video games. I couldn't tell whose voice it was swearing at the tv. I couldn't see some of my room. The walls were closing in on me. My eyes were drooping and I felt that I was about to pass out.
"Uh, oh my g-god." I whimpered holding my head in my hands. Someone must've heard me because soon enough one of the boys-or Ben or Jack because they got here late last night-was holding me trying to calm me down.
"Shh, shh. It's okay babe, you're okay." He held me close as his fingers ran through my hair multiple times. He used the other hand to rub my back and held me a bit tighter.
Whoever it was grabbed me around the waist and knees, softly laying me on the bed. He got in beside me and held me as he did before.
Soon my heavy breathing turned into sobs and I buried my face in the guys chest. I heard his heart. It was beating so fast, was he really that worried? I listened to his heartbeat again and tried to pull away but he grabbed my arms.
"Ow!" I winced tugging my arms away. I was now able to see and hear everything clearly. "Bella. I'm sorry what's wrong did I grab your arm too hard. Oh my god. I'm such a failure." He said, close to tears.
"No Mikey. It wasn't you I swear. Don't cry please. I hate seeing guys cry it makes me sad. Especially one of you guys." I said wiping stray tears that fell onto his cheeks. My hands were still shaking a bit from the panic attack.
"Then what was it?" He asked a confused look on his face. I can't tell him. He cares about me just as much as Ashton does. All the boys do.
"Mikey, can I tell you something? You have to promise not to tell the guys or anybody. Okay?" I told him. I need to do this.
"Bella you're scaring me. Just tell me. You can trust me." He said with a bit of fear in his eyes. I let out a shaky breath.
"Okay, uh, remember when me and Luke had that big fight the other day?" He nodded, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. My heart was pounding and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.
"Uhm, well, after I went to my room I went in the bathroom and I, uh, I might have, uh, swelve hermd." I said covering my mouth for the last bit of the sentence. He furrowed his eyebrows once again.
"I self harmed, Michael!" I semi-yelled. His eyes went wide and his face went pale.
"Show me. Now." He demanded. I sighed.
"Mikey, I don't want to. You'll hate me." I sobbed out, begging him.
"Bella I won't hate you I couldn't hate you. Just show me Bella." He said coming closer. I jerked my arms back and started backing up.
Suddenly I hit the wall and Michael was right in front of me. "Bella, let me see." He said more softly than last time. I shook my head and pressed myself further into the wall.
He then, gently grabbed my upper arms and brought them around. I tried keeping them behind me but he was so dang strong, like seriously when did he get so buff and broad and tall? It's kinda hot...
"Bella, I'm not gonna hate you. I won't tell or show the boys. I promise." He said. I looked into his beautiful green eyes and nearly went weak at the knees.
"O-okay." I whispered.
He took my arms and lifted my sleeves up. Michael gasped and gently ran his fingers over the new red marks across my forearm. When he looked back at me I felt the need to cry. The look on his face was one of disappointment and sadness.
"Bella," he whispered, wiping tears on my cheeks away. "you need to tell someone about this. Someone professional that can get you help. And if you don't I will."
"No Michael! Please! The boys would find out. Ashton can't find out at all. Ever. I-oh god please no Mikey.." I pleaded.
I started to fall but Michael caught me. He picked me up setting me on the bed. Michael bent down so he was eye level with me. "Bella, if this continues and gets bad enough I will. And don't think I won't." He said with a warning look.
Suddenly, I felt the need to strangle him. "Michael. It's not just that easy to stop self harming. It takes a lot of time and effort which is what I need." I said standing up again.
He got up too, he was now towering over me. "I know. I'm gonna give you time but I'm also gonna help you." He said taking my hands in his.
'Maybe I shouldn't strangle him'. I thought.
"Thank you Mikey." I said reaching up to kiss his cheek, which was actually hard. I'm only 5'2...
"Could you, uhm, bend down a bit maybe?" I asked. Michael just chuckled and nodded. When he bent down I gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
He pulled back and looked at his feet like they were the most interesting thing in the world. Soon he looked up and he had this adorable, bashful, shy grin on his face and he was blushing. (A/n: GUYS I WENT TOO FAR WITH THAT ASDFGHJKL AAAGHHH)
"Awwh!! Mikey you're blushing! You're so freakin cute!" I exclaimed pinching his cheeks. That made his face an even darker shade of pink. And he thinks he's punk rock. Please this boy is a kitten and nothing he says can change it.
"Shuddup..." He mumbled.
I hugged him tightly. "You're a freaking kitten Michael! Cuddle with meee!!" I exclaimed. He rolled his eyes but laid down and cuddled with me.
What a nice way to fall asleep...
a/n: Hey I hope y'all like this!! It took me like an hour to write. Not that that matters lol. ANYWHOO!!! I like freakin love you guys so much y'all's comments on this story make my day bc it lets me know you like it!! Alright I hope you love this and buh-bye my lovelies!!