I’m going to give labor really soon, it could even be tomorrow and I’m so nervous for it. I would really wish that Harry could be here with me and support me through this, but I have my mother instead and I’m really happy for that.
I have to say that I’m so tired of being pregnant and carry this big belly around. I really just want to get her out of my body. You can’t do anything when you are pregnant and have this huge belly. I have called my mother so many times, even when I have to tie my shoes. It just isn’t possible. I’m so petite and that means my stomach is a lot bigger than it is on people who is a little bigger than me. But gosh I hate this so much, she just has to be cute or it wouldn’t be worth it. I have to say that there is other private things that just isn’t possible when you are pregnant, but at least I don’t have to get a visit from the red devil every month, so that’s quite amazing.
I really just want her out now, so I don’t have to walk around and look like I swallowed a balloon. I don’t know if you knew this, but it doesn’t attract too many boys. This was definitely not how I hoped or thought my first pregnancy would be or the way it happened for that sake.
I would have liked to have a boyfriend to share it with and that could’ve been Harry if he didn’t chose leave me, just when he has to take responsibility.
So now I’m on my own and I’m terrified how I’m going to raise her by myself.
My little baby is a girl. I know I already told you and I can do it again if you want. No? That’s okay.
Nothing exciting happens until I start getting some serious stomach pains when I’m sitting and watching some tv. I panic and don’t really know what to do. I get my phone and call my mom ”Hey mom. I think it’s the time?!”
She tries to calm me down and says ”Okay honey I’m coming now, just relax okay?”
I walk as quickly as possible to the entre and get my shoes and tries to get them on, but after a while I’m starting to get mad and give up. I take the shoes in my hand and walk outside where my mom is coming in her car.
I get into the car and she drives right away.
“You are not going to give labor in the car honey..” She says, when I’m starting to panic about the fact that I could give labor to my child in the car. How could I know that she doesn’t just pop right out, which I also found out when we got to the hospital and I have to push this little devil out my private parts. It was definitely not as easy and hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I’m laying and screaming, while I hold my mother’s hand and possibly stopping her blood flow, because I hold so tight on her hand. She is trying to say some nice things to me, but I don’t listen at all. I’m in way to much pain to listen to anything right now.
When I think about it, I would probably not have a guy in here and definitely not Harry. I look like shit, with no makeup on, my hair is messy and I’m almost completely naked on this freaking bed. I don’t really think about how I look, when I’m laying there, it’s more after I start to think about how shitty I must have looked.
I think I was screaming and pushing for hours, before she’s finally out and I can relax for a bit. I get to hold her for about 2 minutes, before they take her, so they can weigh her and stuff like that.
I’m at the hospital for 2 days, before I finally can come home..