The day goes on but my mind is clouded, trying to piece together the dreams I have been having. All of these events that have happened in my life have occurred in some way in my dreams. That is not supposed to happen. I am supposed to be able to escape reality and my dreams are to transport me to a place where I control what happens. They are not supposed to control me. And Sam… He was in my dream. He shouldn’t be there.
I think hard about the last two days that I have actually had conversation with him. He is sweet and caring and will always help me, but I barely know the guy. He is a nerd and has no friends that I know of. Well, I don’t either but that is beside the point. He is kinda cute I guess. His hair is really nice, drooping in a shaggy but styled manner, and he has pretty eyes that always show what he is thinking and feeling. His smile lights up the room. He is built nice from what I can tell but he hides under the layers of plaid and khakis. I would imagine he would be attractive if he got some different clothes and dressed up for once. But I can’t say anything because I don’t take any pride in myself either.
Then I think about the times that he has been nice. He always made sure I was ok, in school, in the hospital and when I got wet. He gave me his sweatshirt. He stayed with me all night so I wouldn’t be alone. He is so thoughtful and sweet and he barely knows me. I know we have had classes together but we haven’t been friends. And yet, he still cares.
I am pondering when I hear a knock on the door and Sam is standing there with two book-bags.
“Hey” he says, in a cheery voice, smile growing on his face.
“Hi Sam” I reply, trying to hide my realization: Sam is a really good guy and he actually cares.
He walks over to my bed. “How are you feeling?”
“I am feeling a lot better,” I say, “just shortness of breath sometimes.”
“Oh I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay How are you doing?”
“Fine. I was a little worried during school, “he tells me, but adds “because I didn’t have my English buddy to make fun of.” He laughs.
I laugh and respond “Yeah sorry my sarcastic nature was absent from your life.”
“Don’t worry, I will see plenty of it in the future.”
“Sam, why did you stay last night?”
“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to make sure you know that you have somebody here for you at all times. I mean, I am always there for you in school but outside of school I don’t know anything about you. You told me that your parents are kinda outta your life and you came down crying that day after being in the all. You need someone thorough the good and the bad.”
I stare at him and I am speechless. He really does care about me and I have never had this before. I do have the girls at home but I don’t have anyone else. No teaches, no friends, no family.
“I don’t have a good life outside of school and even in school it isn’t great.” I say, the words falling out of my mouth before I can stop them.
“I am sorry, Liddy.”
He goes and shuts the door. “Tell me.” He doesn’t ask me if I want to, he tells me and I am grateful because I can’t hide behind this anymore.
“My parents are always fighting” I start, “and then they act as if nothing is wrong. They are only focused on their careers and not me and my sisters, Lena and Lottie.”
“Lena, Lottie and Liddy. I like it” he interrupts.
“Yeah, Magdalena and Charlotte and Elizabeth. All formal name with nicknames. I love Lena and Lottie. They are twins and even though they are opposites. Lena loves art. Lottie is a sport kind of girl. I am not really anything.”
“Those are really pretty names. They seem really great. But so are you. We all have something that we are good at. Sometimes it just takes time to find out what.”
“I guess. They are the only real thing I care about. I can’t lose them. I would be broken.”
“My siblings and I are the same way. They are my best friends.”
“That is one of my biggest fears. Losing them.”
“I can see why it would be. Can you tell me what happened with school? When you came down crying?”