Feelings were such stupid things. Sometimes they just couldn't make up their minds. Amanda didn't know how she felt about having killed John Standish or the Sage or whoever he was. There was remorse, of course, and regret. But something else. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Something that, put plainly, scared her.
Amanda wiped her face with her hands, but nothing could remove the image of John's body from her mind, or the blood she had washed off her hands moments ago. She understood Lady Macbeth's words. The blood just wouldn't come out, no matter how much water she used to clean her hands - they'd always be guilty, she'd always be guilty. Amanda sat up on her bench and she watched as Berg approached her.
“Are you alright?” he asked gently, taking a seat next to her.
Amanda huffed. She didn't want his sympathy, she didn't want anything from him. So she stood up, “I'm going to take a walk,” she announced.
“I just,” Amanda cut him off, “I want to be alone.”
Berg regarded her and then said, “You've changed.”
Amanda said nothing.
“Alright,” he nodded, “call if you... have anything to report. Or need anything.”
“Of course,” Amanda replied, and left the corridor.
She entered an office and sat on the floor against a wall.
Had Daniel always felt this way? So confused and troubled and guilty?
How much blood were his palms slick with? What had he done to removed that guilt, that burden of knowing that he had taken a human and robbed it of its life? It? Life was an it now?
Amanda touched her head, as if that would help search for him in her mind. But all she could find was her memories of him. Nothing more. Amanda sighed. She shook her aching, aching head.
This was too much. Too much to deal with at once.
Amanda's head jerked up at the sound of voices and she immediately reached for the gun in her holster and cocked it back. She took cover behind a desk, peering out the top. Her jaw dropped. This just kept getting more and more fucked.
Amanda sucked her breath in and stood up and raised her gun.
“Shaun, Rebecca,” she said, “Don't move.”
They jerked around and froze.
Rebecca's face softened, but Shaun's remained hardened.
Amanda stared at them in silence, her hands rigidly holdif her weapon. What was she doing? She saw John again, his voice taunting her, asking her to shoot. She lowered the gun and held the desk for support.
“You both need to leave now,” Amanda said, “There are Abstergo agents everywhere.”
“Amanda...” Rebecca said, stepping forward, “We thought you were dead.”
Amanda glanced at Shaun, “You didn't tell her?”
“You say that as though it was my obligation to,” Shaun said, dismissively.
“Tell me what?” Rebecca said, looking from Shaun to Amanda, an uneasy look creeping onto her face.
Amanda felt her heart jolt in her chest, “I'm not an Assassin anymore, Rebecca. I never was. I've made my choice and it's with the Templars,” she confessed.
“What?” Rebecca frowned with eyes widened, “Amanda, no! They're the bad guys!”
“If there's anything to learn from any of this, it's that there are no bad guys here,” Amanda said, “But I haven't got the time to explain. If Shaun can manage to yank his head out of his arse, he might explain it all to you. Right now, you have to leave. There's at least twenty guards above you and twenty below you - and they know exactly what you look like from the pictures they've extracted from Desmond's phone.”
“And why should we trust you?” Shaun asked.
“What other options do you have?” Amanda replied.
“We're here to get John,” Rebecca said, “We aren't leaving without him.”
“John's dead,” Amanda said, her voice shrinking to a bitter whisper, “I killed him.”
The words would never stop tasting so wrong. Like gun-metal and blood in her mouth.
“What?” Rebecca gasped.
“You're lying,” Shaun barked.
“I have no motives to lie, to either of you. In fact, if I meant ill, I would have lured you into a trap. But I've seen enough blood for today,” Amanda said, raising her head to look at them, “He meant the same ends for both of us - Templars and Assassins.” She was about to tell them that was working for Juno and only Juno, when she stopped. It didn't matter what she felt about Shaun and Rebecca - they were still Assassins, not Templars.
“And why would that be?” Shaun said.
“Confidential information,” Amanda replied.
“There isn't any reason for us to believe you. You betrayed us.”
“I betrayed no-one and - believe it or not - this is the second time I'm protecting you,” Amanda looked at the door, “And the last time. Hope and pray that we never meet again,” she made for the door, “You have to leave. Now. I'm not going to say it again,” Amanda held the doorknob and turned to Rebecca, “Enjoy that dress. You looked amazing in it and,” she turned slightly to Shaun, “your hair looks good,” and then left the room.