A single step forward, It feels to far for me. It really does. I feel as I walk towards that room, That room of darkness... I can't deal with anything any more. The most important thing to me has gone. we knew our line of work was dangerous, but not this bad. I never expected that he would just disappear while my back was turned. But he did. In a second he was gone, Gone from my life, from our work, from everyone's life. In a single moment. I still think it's my fault, that I could have changed it somehow. That it could have been me not him. But that won't get me anywhere I always think. Best to put the past behind you. But it's just to hard
I still sit at home and sometimes, out of habit, I make him his coffee...3 sugars and a tiny bit of milk. Just how he liked it. I carry out my tea along with his coffee. Just for the realisation to hit. He's gone. And he's not coming back, As much as I beg.