*this pretty much is Shia LaBeouf Live by Rob Cantor. I just wanted to put it in here lol***
you're walking in the woods. there's no one around and your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eyes, you spot her...
She's following you, about 30 feet back. Gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint. SHE'S GAINING ON YOU!
You're looking for your car but you're all turned around. She's almost upon you now and you can see there's blood on her face. MY GOD, THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!
Running for your life from Dolores Umbridge. She's brandishing a knife, It's Dolores Umbridge. Lurking in the shadows... Ministry psychopath Dolores Umbridge. Living in the woods- Dolores Umbridge. Killing for sport. Dolores Umbridge. Eating all the bodies. Actual cannibal Dolores Umbridge.
Now it's dark, and you seem to have lost her, but you're hopelessly lost yourself, stranded with a murderer. You creep silently through the underbrush. AHA!
In the distance, a small cottage with a light on... HOPE! You move stealthily towards it, but your leg!
AHHH! It's caught in a bear trap!
Knawing off your leg. Quiet, quiet.
Limping to the cottage. Quiet, quiet.
Now you're on the doorstep. Sitting inside is Dolores Umbridge. Sharpening an axe- Dolores Umbridge. But she doesn't hear you enter. Dolores Umbridge. Sneaking up behind her. Strangling psychopath Dolores Umbridge. Fighting for your life with Dolores Umbridge. Wrestling a knife from Dolores Umbridge. Stab it in her kidney. Safe at last from Dolores Umbridge.
You limp into the dark woods, blood OOZING from your stump leg. You've beaten Dolores Umbridge.
WAIT! SHE ISN'T DEAD!! HEM HEM SURPRISE! There's a gun to your head, and death in her eyes. But you can do Jui-Jitzu. BODYSLAM psychopath Dolores Umbridge!
Legendary fight with Dolores Umbridge.
Normal Tuesday night for Dolores Umbridge.
You try to swing an axe at Dolores Umbridge, but blood is draining fast from your stump leg. She's dodging every swipe, she parries to the left. You counter to the right. You catch her in the neck. You're chopping off her head now. You have just decapitated Dolores Umbridge.
Her head topples to the floor, expressionless. You fall to your knees and catch your breath. You are finally safe from Dolores Umbridge.
OR IS IT????