4. Chapter 3
Today is Monday. I’m no different to everyone else in the world. I hate Mondays. But then again I hate Fridays as well, and Saturdays, and every other day in the week. I guess I am different to everyone else. I don’t have to guess. I know I’m different to everyone else. I’m the only depressed fifteen year old I know. The only fifteen year old that I know that wants to die.
I can’t lie anymore. To myself, to my parents, to... well to be honest there is no one else I could lie to.
I want to die and no one is going to change my mind about that. The only thing that is stopping me from killing myself now is my mum. My dad just cheated on her, she has no one else but me. I couldn’t do that to her. She may get on my nerves but I still love her. When I think of that though I get this feeling in my stomach that makes me rethink everything. Guilt. But even when I rethink my situation (my life) I always come back with the same conclusion. I am not needed. I am worthless. I shouldn’t be here. I should die. No matter how hard I try to stop these thoughts they always creep back to me.
But anyway back to it being Monday. I woke up this morning put on my glasses and threw my hair up into its usual ponytail. I don’t make much effort for school. Why should I when nobody notices me? Every morning I reluctantly get into my uniform and skip breakfast because... well I’m fat. I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch for 3 years and yes, I am anorexic. I haven’t been told by a doctor but yeah it’s pretty obvious. I look in the mirror and see an ugly fat walrus like creature that really shouldn’t go out of the house to burn the eyes and memories of the innocent people outside. Well nobodies innocent but they don’t deserve to look at my face as punishment.
I go to school not wanting to walk through the front doors. But then again I walk home not wanting to walk through the front door to my very own house. I have no escape from my depression, even when I sleep I dream of what I truly want. Nothing but lonely darkness but some people would call that not dreaming at all.