And I Hope It Stays Like That

Imogen-Hope is a 15 year old girl who is suicidal and is extremely close to killing herself. But when the popular boy at her school starts showing interest in her she begins to see light at the end of an extremely dark tunnel. But can Alex change her life forever, or is it already to late.

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12. Chapter 11

Imogen-Hope

So my first two lessons were English and then Science.  I quite enjoy English but I do not enjoy Science. It’s confusing, but no matter how hard I find it I always do relatively well in it. I wish I was moved down a set, it wouldn’t be as difficult and I wouldn’t feel like that much of a geek. I mean, I am a stereotypical geek, I read more than I breath, I have no friends, I and I am near enough the top of the class for absolutely every lesson. I know it’s good for my future and it will help me become successful when I’m an adult. That’s what my mum tells me. The truth is though... I don’t expect to live that long.

Anyway, back to my first two lessons. They were the same as usual, not the least bit extraordinary at all. The only difference being, I was excited for break. I was excited to see Alex. I don’t expect him to hang around with me, but maybe he will say hi...

So as my second lesson came to a close I was eager to get out and go into the canteen where I know Alex will be. Sat at his usual table with the ever changing bunch of dim-wits he calls friends. Every single day he’ll be sat with someone new, but he’s the most popular guy in school of course he doesn’t want to be tied down to the same group of friends, when he can be included in many groups.

As I strolled out of the Science building I thought of this, smiling ever so slightly.  I don’t know why I smile because I never smile. But when I think of him it just happens. This morning when he was walking me to school I laughed. It was a small effortless laugh that sounded more like a girly giggle, but it was something. I was so shocked at the sound. I haven’t heard it in about 5 months. But the second time I talk to him I giggle! I couldn’t hide the bewilderment on my face. I don’t know if he noticed how confused and astounded I was, I hope he didn’t. I don’t want him to think I’m a complete freak!

As I walked into the canteen I purposely walked past Alex’s table. I lifted my eyes from my feet and my heart started to flutter when I saw Alex staring at me. Our eyes met and, not for the first time today, I felt the world stop around me. Like it was only me and him in the world. The loud uproar coming from all the students around us had been hushed to silence. The crowd of people around us vanished into thin air. It was only me and him.

A huge smile appeared on his face and I didn’t realise but my face was the double of his. It felt like an eternity that we just stood smiling at each other before I forced myself to tear my eyes away.

Don’t let him think you’re weird Imogen. You will have no one again!

The voice in my head hissed at me and I couldn’t help but cringe at the words. It wouldn’t surprise me if he left. But I know it will hurt like hell.

I reluctantly walked away, all my concentration focused on not turning back around. I know he won’t be looking back but I do know that if I turn back, I won’t be able to turn away...

***

It was the end of the school day and I was rather excited to see Alex again. Of course I wouldn’t start the conversation with him but I would gladly wait until he starts the conversation with me.

IF he starts a conversation with you. I mean who would want to talk to you...

My conscience screeched at me. I wish she would shut up sometimes.

I walked out of the school gates having an internal argument with the voice inside my head until I was dragged out of my trance by someone yelling behind me.

“Imogen! Imogen-Hope!”

I turned to see the face I have been longing to see all day. Alex was running up to me his nose was red and he was sniffling a bit due to the cold. He looked rather cute actually.

Don’t get attached Imogen! He’s only going to leave anyway! Just like Jane!

The voice in my mind harshly reminded me of the reason I now have depression.

I let him catch up to me and greeted him with a small smile. It surprises me how much I smile around him. Not just surprises to be honest, it literally astounds me! No one has been able to make me smile for about 5 months. So to smile this much just because of someone I spoke to for the first time yesterday is extraordinary!

He returned my small smile with a huge grin that made butterflies explode in my stomach.

“Hey Imogen. Can you do me the honour of allowing me to walk you home?” he said with a fake posh accent.

“Yes you can walk me home.” I said with false boredom in my tone. I also laughed at the end of my sentence which surprised me more than the smiling thing.

“God, you had to take all the fun out of it.” He replied. I started to panic he’s already becoming sick of me! What should I do!

Alex must have noticed me having my mini panic attack because he quickly said:

“Hey, chill I was only joking.” A small sympathetic smile was on his lips and I couldn’t help but stare at them as he spoke.

Of course he was joking. Imogen you’re an idiot!

He won’t be joking much longer when he realises how much of a boring loser you are.

My little “friend” spat the words at me like acid and tears pricked in my eyes. I couldn’t cry in front of him. Not again. Imogen stop.

I smiled at Alex and carried on the journey down the road. He followed close behind and we stayed silent for a while.

“So do you want to walk to school together again tomorrow? I mean, we don’t have to but we can. Only if you want to.” He asked me the question like he was nervous. Why was he nervous I mean, he’s never nervous. He’s the most confident guy in school, hence the popularity.

I realised I had kept him waiting for an answer whilst I contemplated the reason behind his shyness. I flushed and answered quickly, not really having to think about it.

“Yeah, that’d be really nice actually. I get a bit lonely walking to school on my own.”

I shut up quickly. He doesn’t want to know stuff like that. He asked if I wanted to walk to school with him not for my life story.

We came up to my garden gate and stood there whilst we finished our conversation.

“Well it’s settled then, from here on out I will be the person you walk to and from school with because I’m not having you be lonely!” A large smile covered his face and it seemed genuine. No hint of teasing in his features, which made my heart flutter.

“Ok Alex” I giggled “I will see you tomorrow. Around the same time as this morning?”

“Yeah sure thing. See you tomorrow Imogen.”

I replied with a smile and walked through the gate knowing that for the first time in what seemed like forever, I have something to wake up for.

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