3. Emotional shit. (TRIGGER WARNING)
I saw him at the station today, I couldn't help but think back of the nightmares he gave me, the sleepless nights, the pillow stained with tears and the broken me.
It wasn't really my heart, it was something more deep inside of me, because it wasn't really my heart that got hurt, it was a part of me that I lost, the part of me that kept me strong, the part that held me back from breaking down, that was the part he took away from me, a little girl had to grow up too fast and now finally after so many years I’m slowly getting that back, and now I’m stronger than last time, I’m ready to fight, and I will. I just sat there and looked at him, I tried to see all the good things but I couldn't help thinking about how he made my life a living hell, how I’d come home crying, locking myself in the bathroom and believing something was wrong with me and letting the sharp cold razor resting in my hand until that one day where I gave it admission to scratch my skin, In reality there weren't anything wrong with me and there isn't anything wrong with me now.
Now I’m sitting like a warrior and I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore, I feel sorry for him, for people like him, people that makes others feel miserable so they can feel like they’re worth something. I wish I knew that back then, I wish everybody knew, that there’s nothing wrong with being who you are, the only thing there’s something wrong in, is not accepting who others chooses to be.
Please know if you ever felt like you're not good enough of felt like life isn't worth living, please not that you will get over it, things will clear up and you are not alone. Please talk to someone!
It's not weak asking for help, it's a very strong thing to do, and it's the best for everyone, because you have so much more to experience and nobody wants to lose you.
I'm proud of you for being where you are, my precious little sunshine x