"What's out there River?" The Doctor said as he walked around the console towards the door. He got no reply. "River? Hello?" He got to the door and had to gently push her out of the way so he could see what she was looking at. He gasped and noticed River too was wide-eyed.
"Who the bloody hell are you and what are you doing in our dorm?" The lanky ginger on the bed on the other side of the room asked.
"I'm not entirely sure...actually, that's a lie, I know who I am but I am not entirely sure what I am currently doing in your dormitory, which, according to my spaceship, does not exist." Ron looked at the Doctor incredulously and the Doctor just about managed a "sorry I crash landed in your dormitory" grin. "See thing is we kind of crash landed, my wife and I, see we were on our way to send an abandoned slitheen egg back to Raxacoricofallapatorius when i accidentally put the TARDIS into 5th gear instead of 3rd and then it started going click, click, click, click, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh and then I realized we were crash landing-"
"No you didnt, I did," River interuppted.
"Yes, yes, yes, whatever, anyways, then after a bit of rubbish driving from River over here the TARDIS ended up...well...here, I sincerely apologise, as soon as the engine has rebooted we will be out of your hair." The Doctor was slightly out of breath and looking hopefully over at Ron. He then glanced over to Harry, who looked an awful look more attractive than he was ever portrayed as being. His glasses weren't round like they were supposed to be, instead they were large, square frames, which accentuated his incredibly well defined jaw bone. His hair was longer than anyone would've expected and it nearly covered up his scar, which was just about the only part of him that indicated his identity. "So am I correct in thinking that you two lovely young gentleman are Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley?" The Doctor asked cautiously.
"How the hell do you know that!?" Ron inquired, his facial expression getting increasingly confused. The Doctor didn't quite know how to answer this question and his mind fumbled for an answer.
"He...he's the boy who lived, right? You know, the one the whole wizarding world knows about?" The Doctor was praying that, like Harry's appearance, this wasn't another story detail that was drastically untrue.
"Yeah, I am, but, who are you? You...you said that that blue box is a...spaceship? I mean come on, like all of that stuff actually exists!" Harry stuttered.
"This is coming from you! A wizard!" River retorted. "Sorry, but if magic is possible surely it is perfectly reasonable to believe travelling through time and space is possible too."
"She has a point," Ron said, looking River up and down, then nodding to himself in approval.
"Oi you! Ginger! Don't go...doing...whatever...that was at my wife!" The Doctor said defensively. This pleased River greatly and it took a lot of self control for a grin to not spread across her face at her husband's goofiness. "Look, if it's possible could we please just park here for..." The Doctor looked at his wrist despite the fact he wasn't even wearing a watch. "We'll be gone in six hours."
"How can we trust that you're not death eaters?" Harry said looking fairly skeptical.
"You can't...but I'm pretty sure death eaters don't dress like this." The Doctor replied, pointing out his bow tie and fez.
"Yeah, death eaters don't dress like complete idiots." Ron said sarcastically.
"Hey, watch your mouth, I think you'll find bow ties are cool." The Doctor grinned proudly.
"In what world exactly," Ron smirked.
"In Gallifrey thank you very much," the Doctor answered indignantly.
"Gallifrey? You're mad! Have you taken some ecstasweeds?" Harry inquired with a raised eyebrow.
"What's that? Some kind of wizard version of ecstasy?" The Doctor joked.
"Yes," said a girl who had just popped her head around the corner, "sorry, I know I'm not supposed to be in here but I heard talking and I was worried," Hermione said as she slid into the room, wand at the ready. "Who are you and what...is that?" She said waving her wand in the direction of the TARDIS.
"Hey! Don't wave that thing at the TARDIS! You'll mess with the mechanics!" The Doctor said, jumping in between Hermione and his blue box. "This is a precious piece of machinery you silly girl!" Hermione was now raising her wand at him, "silly...wizardey...girl" the Doctor stepped back with his hands in the air. "Sorry, please don't hurt me," Ron and Harry were trying to conceal their sniggers.
"Bloody hell Hermione, put the wand down," Ron sneered, "I don't think they're gonna hurt us, I mean look at him! He's wearing a bloody bow tie and a fez!"
"Bow ties are cool!" The Doctor repeated.
"Well, look, this really isn't practical having a massive blue box standing in the middle of your dormitory, one of the professors is bound to notice! It doesn't look too heavy..." Hermione observed moving towards the TARDIS putting her wand away. "I'm sure we could move it."
"That's not...you probably shouldn't...it's...a lot...heavier...than it looks," the Doctor stuttered.
"Yeah, and you also told us it was a spaceship," Ron commented, his voice smothered in sarcasm.
"If you don't believe him why don't you look for yourselves," River said, pushing open the TARDIS door. The three reluctantly stepped through and once they had gone through the usual routine of stepping in and out of the TARDIS a couple of times, with a spellbound look smacked across their faces they finally all turned to face River and the Doctor, who both looked incredibly smug, which greatly annoyed Ron, who was always skeptical about aliens and time travel. "Exquisite isn't it?" River asked.
"Yeah, it is," Harry replied stroking the TARDIS door. 'Silly sentimental boy,' the Doctor thought, but chose not to say out loud, he didn't want them casting a spell on his TARDIS. "I'm sure we can still move it, we'll put it in the corner and cover it with the invisibility cloak, that way no one will walk into it or see it." They all moved to one side of the TARDIS and pushed as hard as they could, moving slowly forward. Incredibly slowly forward. Eventually they had got the TARDIS into the corner and Harry covered it, and it suddenly disappeared. "Now you two need to go sit inside until you can leave."
"Ah, now, you see, there might be a little bit a problem with that..." The Doctor said cautiously. "The problem is River and I were the ones driving, quite recklessly and the TARDIS didn't like it, which is the reason she started acting up and obviously subsequently causing our crash landing and I can imagine she's still fairly upset so it's best for us to just leave her to it until she's calmed down a little," the Doctor looked at the three young wizards hopefully with a cheeky half grin on his face.
"Well then what are we supposed to do with these two, they can't just walk around school with us," Ron exclaimed, "imagine explaining that to Professor Dumbledore!"
"As much as I hate to admit it, Ron has a point, I cannot get expelled just because two space-hoppers have landed in your dormitory," Hermione added. "I shouldn't even be in here anyway, this is a boys dormitory! I'm leaving and you two are going to work this out all on your own!" She then left swinging her hips and flicking her hair in a way so sassy even River was a bit jealous of the confidence and sass that Hermione seemed to emit which was never mentioned in the books.
"Maybe it's worth visiting Hagrid, he might be able to think of something," Ron suggested, seeming genuinely proud of himself for coming up with an idea.
"Yes, that's a good idea," Harry agreed, "we'll have to be careful though, I heard Snape's on duty tonight, maybe we should use the secret passage." Harry, Ron, Hermione and Hagrid seemed to be the only ones in the school who knew about the secret passage, which lead directly from the Gryffindor common room to a trap door just outside Hagrid's hut. "You two hide under the beds, if anyone comes in it'll be bad enough us being gone, but you two would be dead if they found us gone and you two here." The Doctor nodded and slid under Ron's bed while River slid under Harry's. "We'll be as quick as possible, don't move a muscle."