After a while, everything had becomed amazing.
We texted like every single day and skyped and that, until he told me he was going on a vacation for 2 weeks and couldnt text me all the time and skype.
I felt sad, cus i would miss him.
and i did.
FUCK i missed him so much.
I didnt even text him for days, cus i knew that he couldnt anwser.
So why blow up his tablet with messages on facebook from me?
So i just waited until he could text me first so i knew he would anwser when i texted him back.
After like a week or so.
He said that he was sorry about not texting so much and all and that he was okay and then he asked if i was okay.
Ofcourse i was okay, he texted me.
Suddently he started telling me about a few girls he had meet at the hotel he was staying and all.
and i felt jealous.
He told me how they had been at clubs, got drunk and laugh and that and even touch one of the girls boobs.
I dont even know why i got jealous, but i did.
that was when i realised that i liked him.
I liked him so badly that it was going crazy in my head.
I started getting worried, when we didnt text and thought about crazy stuff like him sleeping with some girl.
But really i didnt have the right to get jealous. cus he wasnt mine.
I couldnt just tell him to stop.
Friends with benefits doesnt mean i can get jealous.
We promised each other that.
but i broke it.
and didnt want him to know, so i kept it to myself for a while.
Actually i kept for myself for a few weeks.
It killed me that when he actually got home and could talk to me again, i wasnt able to tell how much he ment to me.
A few weeks after that, he told me that we couldnt be Friends with benefits anymore.
Which was the only thing we had, that made me feel like he liked me too.
But he didnt.
He told me, that he liked some other girl and that we had to go back to just friends again.
Ofcourse i agreed.
I was stupid.
I should just have told him, and see what happened, but i didnt.
Cus i was scared, he was gonna get mad and stop the contact with me.
So i thought about him, and about his needs, so i pushed the feelings in the back as much as i could.
It was really weird, not being able to text him those sweet little messages saying how much i wanted him at that moment.
But i think i handled it pretty good at the moment.
I couldnt even send him hearts anymore.
He wasnt letting me.
I wanted to do it so bad.
Cus i loved sending him hearts and little kissing smiles.
But oh well.