The fighting continued.
I can't believe how dumb i was for blaming him for everything.
Some day, i just suddently lost myself.
I didnt know, what i wanted or who i actually was.
I wasnt acting like i used to.
I was tired, mad, sad and annoying all at the same time.
For anyone, but mostly Brandon.
I acted like a bitch to him, he couldnt do anything right at that moment.
and then one day i snapped.
I started telling him, how i didnt trust him with other girls and how sad i was for not being there with him.
I kept dreaming about him having sex with some girls from Ireland.
It made me even more jealous.
I never told him about it.
I still hasnt.
well now i have.
but yeah, i was so scared that he would leave me for some girl back in Ireland, he could actually kiss and make love with.
and at some point i couldnt take it anymore.
I went crazy.
I got mad at him for nothing, ignored him, yelled at him, blamed him.
I remember thinking that he was the reason for all my unhappiness inside of me, but i was wrong.
I didnt want to believe that it was true, even if i was the one who kept telling that.
I should have trusted him.
I told him about how i felt, and it made everything worse.
I didnt tell any of my friends about our relationship problems, and just kept everything to myself.
I was filled with secrets, hate, love, jealousi, and all that.
I felt like i was on fire and there was no one to stop the flames from burning me down from the inside.
I tried to remind myself how much i loved him, and how crazy i was about him.
But a part of me didnt believe it and kept on letting everything get on him.
I guess it's just true what people say-
People change, and sometimes its not a good thing.