Deep breaths, in and out, I held my head tightly until it felt like it would burst. If only it would. I sighed with exhaustion and ran my hand through my hair as I walked my way back up the river to my mom's house. With hope, today would be one of her better and more 'generous' days. Have you ever had a moment in life when you ask why something happens to you? Key words being 'Have you ever had a moment in life', here. Well, with me, that question changes to 'Has the moment ever been life'. Sure, everyone complains about it and has good days and bad days where they say, 'Why did this happen to me, of all people?', but, they don't realize how lucky they are. They're normal. They go through hormones, gossiping, and over-protective parents. Me? I go through panic attacks, verbal abuse, and a mother who can barely even remember my name. People ask me where my dad is in all of this. I....just...well, I really can't bear to tell him about it. He's a real teddy bear, a softy. Not really the kind of dad you go to when you need him to beat up your ex-boyfriend. When it comes between the both of them, my dad's the only real parent I have.There comes a time in some kids life when they think about running away to escape the horror that is the parents that wouldn't give them a cell phone. I had dreams like that once. I used to dream that my mom would go back to normal and I would be able to get mad over something like that, but...I can't anymore. Instead, I just hang out back here in the woods until I'm ready to face her. Guess there's no time like the present, right? I shook out of my thoughts as I reached my dilapidated home. It's easier to fend off my mom when I'm focused, and not day-dreaming. Almost on cue, I heard yelling from inside.
"Lukai? Where are you, you lazy brat? I thought I told you to go make dinner for me and your father! Today IS our anniversary, you know; and I want him to think that I went to the trouble of cooking dinner. ANY WORD OF THIS GETS TO HIM, and you will regret my decision to keep you alive." This was my mom. All of you pitying me;don't. This isn't even one of her bad moods. I held my head high as I strode inside with a grin.
"Hello mother. How are you today? Not to worry, I've already begun to make both of your favorites- Lemon drop soup, Marinated Chuck-Roast, and Peach Pie,"
She sat back with her eyes glazed and a smile plastered to her face. This meant that her medication had kicked in and she was beginning to mellow down. I was surprised-she usually only took it once every couple of months.
"Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Your father and I had begged for a girl, and we finally had one," She looked up at me with utter joy and clasped my hand, despite my flinch. Force of habit, I guess.
"When they let me hold you, I smiled and smiled. I looked down at you and saw the same glowing features my grandmother had. If only you could've met her..." She drawled on.
I had met her. We used to see Great grams at Christmas before mom got worse. Memory loss was a symptom of the drugs her doctor prescribed her.
"I love you too, mom. So much. I just want you to know that, okay?" I choked out with my mouth trembling.
She nodded with that same smile, and she looked just like she had before;bliss, and at utter peace with the world. This moment was brief, though. They happened often. My mom would be like she was every now and then, and I would always try to break her free from her addiction state so she could be like this all the time. As soon as I do, she always snaps back to her horrid state. Almost instantly, her eyes turned back to a dark brown as she squeezed my hand hard enough that I heard a loud snapping sound. I looked at her no longer with the kindness I held for her mellow self, but instead with utter hatred and fury. Clenching her arm just enough for her to drop my hand, I flipped around to face her.
"I made dinner for you and dad. Don't expect me to make your meals ever again, though." I glared at her with defiance. I had been planning on leaving home for a long time, and today just happened to be the push I needed to set it into motion.
"Where do you plan to go? Great Gram's is too far, and even she wouldn't stand for your crap," She spat back without a care in the world.
"Into the woods, where I belong. I already set a message down for dad in our secret place, so there's no way you can make up some barbaric story on why I'm gone," I almost yelled this.
She looked at me with a smirk and a laugh as she turned back to face the television. Just like that, mom had given me up to myself without so much as a word or good-bye. As much as I hated her, the move still stung, and I felt a tear run down my face as I grabbed my weapon and walked outside with only a backpack of clothes and memories to keep me company.