It was February 2010 and I was lying in my bed with some quavers and my laptop. I was watching some YouTube, one of my new favourite channels, sprinkleofglitter. Louise was adorable, in fact I don't think I wanted to meet anyone more, she did frequent collaborations with Fiona, a lifestyle and beauty youtuber. Louise was pregnant with 'baby glitter' and I would give anything to be with that baby, but I wasn't.
Work was slow and boring, and I was feeling very unhappy, to make it worse my parents were getting a divorce, I was worried and feared what was to happen, I knew when joe returned from the trip with his friends he too would be devastated, at least he still had his dream job, even if roof thatching was a strange dream it was better than being stuck in an apprenticeship that I had come to hate.
The next morning I popped into town to have a hot chocolate with Kate, she walked over to my table and peered over my laptop screen, "what are you working on?"
I shut the laptop and slid it away,"Nothing important, and anyway I'm here to see you, we haven't spoken in ages with you in the top office," Kate had been promoted to Vice President the previous month, and although she wasn't a great friend I still missed having someone to talk to.
" well believe me there isn't much to talk about, work, work and oh! More work, surely you've been up to something else though Zoe,"
I shook my head and looked at the lid of my cup " Actually life has been a bit stupid lately," I took a sip of my drink and looked up at Kate "I'm a bit lost," I mumbled over the rising murmur of the crowded shop, I glanced out the window and it had began to rain, everyone had come in for shelter I supposed.
"Oh Zoe it can't be that bad, what were you doing on your laptop?"
"Nothing," I assured her, but Kate being Kate she dragged it over and flipped it open, " Oh Zoe it's a blogging website! I knew you would come around, its perfect!"
"But I'm still not sure," I said over the murmer that was now a loud chatter, "I don't think I can"
"Of course you can Zoe !" Kate was thrilled but I wasn't so sure, she turned the laptop towards me and showed me a blank page, "come on Zo the internet is waiting for you!"
I stared at the blinking cursor and shook my head "no, I can't"
"You can Zoe!"
"Kate I can't!" I said feeling those butterflies again
"You can!" By now some of the people in the shop were looking at us and I was not comfortable,
"Kate , NO!" And then I snapped, I don't know why, it wasn't like bit was a heated conversation, but anxiety took over, my breathing was quick and sharp and my head started to hurt. " i need air!" I pushed my way to the door Kate called in the background "Zoe wait!" But I shoved the door open and ran into the rain, I didn't calm down until Kate came out with a glass of water and managed to console me , though after my little panic attack I don't think she was planning on another coffee date anytime soon.
I still had other friends like Jenny and Alex but they were too far away, I think I traumatised my only available friend.
On the train I got an email from the boss 'I am so sorry to notify you of this but we need to make some job cuts, we will be watching you the rest of this week and will decide who needs to stay.'
I got off the train and saw a crowd of girls about my age, I wondered what they were doing when I saw her! Louise! She was signing books and taking photos, I managed to squeeze in and get one but as I glanced back to the crowd I think she had pretty much forgotten me.
I got home and lay on my bed, I needed a friend.