When you kiss someone and they don't know what's going on till a few seconds after and most of the time they pull away or push you away.
Like I said.... Most of the time.
What shocked me is not that Calum pushed me away but that he pulled me closer and deepened the kiss.
I blinked a couple times but closed my eyes and let my hands go to his hair and he pushed me down on his bed, not breaking the kiss at all.
"Ashton!" I hear the voice I've missed so much yell.
Calum straddles me and has his hands in my curly hair. He pulls back and just stares at me with big brown eyes that look a little confused.
His eyes go to my wrist that's right by his face and his face turns into pain.
"Ashton what the hell is wrong with you? What were you thinking?!" I hear Luke ask sounding pissed and hurt.
"Ashton..... I'd ask what these are but I've got a feeling I already know." Calum says and I pull my wrists back.
"Ashton. Why would you do this? And don't say Calum kissed you because I know you kissed him first." Luke says sounding hurt as his voice cracks a little.
Thank god my phone goes off just at that moment.
Calum gets off me and I get my phone out see it's a text from my mum.
'Ashton, I'm worried you didn't come home after school....... So in other words get your curly ass home...... Now.' ~Birth Giver
I sigh and mentally thank her for that amazing timing.
I look at Calum and give him a sad smile.
I show him the message and he nods his head with a sigh.
He takes me home in an awkward silence. Is it always going to be like this? A really awkward silence when ever we meet?
I really hope not.
I guess if I don't want that then I've got to stop kissing him.
We pull up to my house and I sigh rubbing my face with my hands.
"Sorry." I whisper. Not only to Luke but to Calum to.
"Oh hell no. Your so not getting out of it Irwin." I hear Luke say and I can't help but feel happy he's talking again even if he is mad as hell.
"It's okay. If you want the truth, I wanted to, you know...... Kiss you again...... It's weird. I'm weird. I'm sorry." Calum rambles and I chuckle.
I give him a small smile before heading inside where my mum is probably gonna kill me.
I walk in, shutting the door behind me and my mum springs into action.
"Ashton Fletcher Irwin where the hell were you?" She asks me and I flinch at her loud voice.
"She's not the only one with a loud voice Ashton!" Luke shouts and I mentally kick him.
"Sorry." I whisper again. It seems like I'm saying sorry a lot.
She sighs and gives me a tired look. "Just go to your room please. I'll call you down when supers done."
I quickly run up to my room and shut my door while locking it also. I fall back onto my bed.
"Don't you dare think your getting out of this one." Luke yells and I can't help but feel really tired.
"Luke I'm tired yell at me when I'm not so sleepy." I know the whole idea was to get Luke to talk to me but I'm really tired.
"Ugh. I'm so- I can't. You frustrate me to know end Ash." Luke says and it sounds like he could go for a good sleep to.
Even though he's a voice.
I lay down, not even changing clothes. I pull the blanket up to my chin.
"Let's just talk now." He says.
"No. My mum already thinks something's wrong with me and if she comes in and hears me talking to myself, it won't go well." I say shaking my hair out randomly.
"Big deal. This is important Ashton." He says and I groan.
"Okay fine. Then why did you come to my school today?" I blurt out but smack my self. Why did I just say that?
"W-what? Um what are you blabbering about?" He asks sounding confused. But, I did notice some hesitation there
"Look. I don't know why I said that..... Ignore me." I say shaking my head.
"No tell me now. You brought it up now you have to tell me." He insists and I sigh.
"Fine. It's just that, there's this new guy at school. And well. He looked just like you......" I say scratching the back of my neck.
"And? I feel like there's more." Luke asks and I slowly nod my head even though he can't see me.
"His name is Luke. Tall, blonde, blue eyed, lip ring. You name what you've got, he's got it to." I tell him yawning.
"Well then. So you think I'm actually there?" He says and then laughs.
I roll my eyes. "Don't judge me."
"Ashton why would I act like I don't know you? I would watch over you with my life. I do even now. I may have acted like a dick but I'm here for you. And-never mind." He says leaving me hanging.
"Oh no. No way Luke tell me now." I say getting a little mad.
"I- I can't. I'm sorry Ashton. Just deal with that I can't tell you everything." He says getting a little mad himself.
"Why not Luke? It's not like I'm gonna go around telling everyone!" I practically shout.
He groans. "I just can't! Get that through you curly haired head Ashton!" He shouts and I growl under my breath.
"Fuck Luke I'm not going to tell anyone! I don't talk, the only person I talk to is you and barley even Calum." I sneer out.
"I just can't tell you! Fuck off Ashton! Stop talking to me! God your so fucking annoying just shut the hell up already! Why do you think I wasn't talking to you?!" Luke shouts and I jump with wide eyes. Tears just go down my cheeks and I sob.
"I-I." I stutter out with wide eyes.
"Fuck Ash-" He starts. But I cut him off.
"No. Don't you dare call me Ash." I choke out. "Fuck off Luke don't talk to me again."
I hear him choke on his own sob. And I try my hardest to block out any sound he makes.
I go to the bathroom and fall to the tiled floor sobbing. I reach under the sink and grab out the one thing I can count on and trust.
I drag the blade across my left wrist 6 times and 8 on my right. 10 on my stomach.
No sign of Luke and I can't tell you how grateful I am.
I don't think I could handle anymore words Luke has to say.
I slowly stand up and take care of my cuts wincing and biting my lip to keep from screaming.
Once I'm done I slowly and painfully make my way back to my bed. My lights off from before and I just want to sleep.
And possibly never wake up.....