GCSE courswork, please read

This is another section of my English GCSE coursework. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. Thank you


1. Jungle

A tangled trap, delicately positioned in the centre of a great but ghastly green world, full of clatters and creaks, splashes and screams, with little silence, but you can hear it's every thought. The exotic exterior makes it look like a fun playground for naughty children. But it's not. It is like a cactus, drawing you in so that you'll touch it's sharp spikes to reach the water that lies beneath. It keeps you wanting more, but at a cost. Until in the end the noise and pain overtakes you, and you are nothing more than a puppet, playing a part in it's perilous show...

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