Three day's into our relationship we shared our first kiss. It was the most funny memory I have, he placed his jumper over our heads because I didn't want to kiss him in front of people as it was my first ever kiss. Eventually my confidence grew and we would occasionally kiss in front of our- oh wait no- my friends. Most of my friends didn't like him, and now -because I’ve regained my sight towards reality- I understand why. He was a “Neo- Nazi”, a homophobic – which I despised as one of my best friends is gay- and racist. He also stole and lied about many things, he was a drunk and in honesty he verbally abused me.
I never realized any of this until he left me. And thank the lord he did cause now I’m better, stronger and wiser.
Any way’s back to the story. On that same day we kissed, he told me he loved me – of course by “accident”- its funny how my stomach churned and my head went all haywire.... no one had ever said that before. I don't know why I believed him, but I did. Stupid... stupid... stupid.... A week in and he decided to get me a bracelet- a horrible looking thing- and of course, I treasured it....
Now I realize how ugly it is. Hehe.
Then one day I had the idea to ask how many girls he'd shagged before me- bad decision and I should of left right then and there. But I didn't- “13” is what he said down the phone.... My jaw dropped, my heart sank and my stomach churned. WHY GOD? WHY? 13! SERIOUSLY! - MAN WHORE ALERT- Sadly I didn't take that much into account when he gave me his ring-which I made into a necklace- and promised he'd never hurt me – lies- I was fickle and stupid and well.... Blind. Totally and utterly blind.
Now I look back and think “why did I stay? Why was I stupid? Why did I waste my time?” but I know I can't take those 7 months back – if only I could.
About a month and a half in I lost my virginity to him by the line “It's either dick or nothing” after he'd used his hand on me.... Evil rotten bastard. So yes I became “MRS 14!”
God knows how many girls he's shagged now, I wouldn't be surprised on more than 20. Haha.
After losing my virginity- and god damn it was a painful memory- all he seemed to want to do was have sex and watch TV in his room. No dating, no cinema and even no shopping- well OK shopping on a occasion when HE felt like it- He then started calling me “His bitch” to his friends. NO. JUST NO. That's when the verbal abuse kicked in.
At some point he found out he couldn't be a Marine – which was his life time dream- and so he started putting me down saying things like, “you'll never be a writer.” and “think of a job not a career”. Those things stung a lot. Like he was meant to support me and instead thought I was stupid and talentless.....
Eventually I was diagnosed with Depression and anxiety- this might have been before I met him- and so I started having therapy. Seeing a counsellor, talking to people. And what was his response..... “JUST GET OVER IT”. No lie.... JUST GET OVER IT! Was what he said. And what he always said to me when I said I felt scared or down....
I still have depression but it's slowly getting better and I’m getting more help with my anxiety. Things are looking up for me.
6 months in and my parent's allowed us to go on a little vacation- a caravan holiday. Which was pretty decent- One night he got me drunk on orange juice and whiskey.... I don't remember much, other than feeling sick and having sex.... The next night I stayed off the alcohol while he downed the rest of the bottle... then he did the most stupid and scary thing possible.... HE PROPOSED! I mean, WHAT THE HELL! You don't do that 6 months in! No. And stupidly I said “yes” but mainly cause I was scared.... he was drunk after all....
God what a stupid and pathetic bastard he was. He even called me his “Fiancée” after that. Haha. I found that very amusing.
Oh my. I'd forgotten a very important event. Two month's in and he stripped off in front of my friend- who was a girl and who he clearly fancied- he called me “ kill joy” because I got upset and angry. Well he did just pull his jeans down in front of another girl. Wouldn't you be angry? His excuse, “Sometimes I want to get drunk and topless. It's not a crime honey”. Well if I’d of pulled my top off in front of his friends he'd be angry, yet it's fine for him to do that to me.... Weird huh?
And in honesty. That moment was when I lost trust in men.... ALL men. I still don't trust men now. How could I? I'd been used and abused...
So that's my first chapter of my life. On the 7th month. He dumped me. And 3 days later took my now ex best friend on a date. Going to the cinema and then for dinner is a date right? Cause she didn't think so.
Shall we continue to chapter two? The second guy I dated- and perhaps worse than the first.... I really am blind-