Ashton Irwin: Smut

I really hope you guys will like them. God knows I will;) Copyright.© 2014 All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission by the author.

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2. July 7th- Part Two

Within a quick second, Ashton's lips are on mine. Initially, I'm in shock, but shortly after, my eyes flutter closed and I wrap my arms around his neck. His arms wrap around my waist and he deepens the kiss, his tongue running across mine. Ash pulls me onto his lap, our bodies firmly pressed together. There's so much release within the kiss, as if we both had been holding off on kissing one another for far too long. And we had.

You see, Ash and I used to be a couple. Actually, we were the ideal couple- everyone wanted to be us. We held hands everywhere we went and we kissed each other when we were happy or mad or even upset. No one ever saw us fighting or yelling at each other, because that was behind closed doors. Behind closed doors, we would scream and throw things at each other. We would get into fights, physically, and we would tell each other we hated one another. But we never went to bed mad at each other or upset, because we knew that that was the absolute worse thing to do. It doesn't matter how many fights you have or how many times your significant other makes you cry, never go to sleep mad or upset, because maybe one day, when you wake up, all that will be on their side of the bed is a note with a goodbye. Sometimes, depending on who your other half is, they won't even say goodbye.

That was what happened between Ashton and I.

One morning, I woke up. I lay there for a while just staring at the wall, my back to Ashton's side of the bed, thinking of what to say to him to apologize. Our fight was the worst it had ever been. I had had a long day at work one afternoon and all I wanted to do was lie in bed all day wrapped up in Ashton's arms, but that wasn't what happened. When I got home, he was packing. I stood some distance away as I watched him pack his clothes and other miscellaneous items into his suitcase. From what he packed, it appeared that he was going on tour. But he didn't have a tour scheduled so soon, did he? And if he did, why didn't he tell me?

I walk towards our room and lean against the door frame, mere feet away from him now. I stare down at my feet as the low words tumble out of my mouth. "You didn't tell me." My voice is a blend of disappointment and despair.

The rummaging around the suitcase that Ashton was making has now turned into complete and total silence. I wish that I could say it was peaceful or even serene, but that would be a lie. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife and everything in this relationship was hanging by a thread. "Y/N-"

"No," I cut him off. I tear my eyes from the floor and lock eyes with him, my voice still impossibly low. "You could've told me."

"I couldn't," he defends.

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" I question, my eyes still searching his. When he sighs instead of replying, I know the answer. I look away from him and stare at the wall to my right where the wardrobe that we shared sits. "That's what I thought." My voice probably sounds harsh right now but I couldn't care less.

"Y/N," he says, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see him take a step towards me.

"Don't," I firmly state.

I can see him stop in his tracks out of the corner of my eye and I turn to look at him, the disappoint and despair fading and turning into anger. "When were you gonna tell me? Or were you even gonna tell me at all? God damn it Ashton, I thought you were different!"

"I am different!" he shouts back. "I just," he says, his voice a lot more calm now. "I knew you'd act like this," he says, gesturing his hand to me.

"I'm only acting like this because you didn't tell me! If you would've told me when you found out or even months or weeks ago, things would've been different!" Ash looks down at his feet, his hands dug into his front pockets. I want to scream at him and throw things at him right now but that wouldn't solve anything, so I lower my voice and try a different tactic. "Ashton you know me, god you know me better than anyone else does. If you would've told me sooner, I would've been helping you with ideas on hotels and places to go to while in America and helping you pack. I would've been driving you to the airport and having to be pulled off of you in tears because it would be that damn hard to let you go." Ash looks up from the floor and into my eyes. His eyes are just as red and puffy as mine- if he cries, I know I will too. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?" he chokes out as he swallows the lump in his throat.

I sigh and walk towards him, stopping about two inches away from him. I lift my hand from my side and he flinches, assuming that I would smack him, but instead, I run my fingers through his hair. "Don't cry, and don't flinch, I wasn't going to hit you Ashton."

"You have before," his voice is unbearably low as he closes his eyes shut.

Hearing the words breaks my heart and I feel the first of many tears to come fall down my cheek before I swallow the lump in my throat. "I didn't mean to." I look away from him to my right, staring down at the floor. "I never meant to," I whisper.

He sighs. "I know." I lift my head and look up at him. "I know you never meant to- you've never been the type to get into fights. The fact that you do with me, it just.." he trails off as he looks away.

"Ash," I place my hand on his cheek and make him look at me, my eyes searching his as I encourage him to continue.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as he continues. "I feel like I bring the worst out in you," he opens his eyes.

"Quite the opposite."

When I woke up the next morning, all that lay next to me was a note on his pillow.

My beautiful girl,

I'm so sorry that things had to go the way that they did yesterday- I never meant for any of that to happen. Unfortunately, I had to take an early flight out and I couldn't bring myself to wake you when you looked so peaceful as you slept.

If you're reading this, it means that you're awake, and that I am not there to kiss you good morning as I always do. But that's probably for the best. You see, it wasn't scheduled that I take a flight out as early as I did, but I had to. I couldn't be there when you woke because that would make this harder.

My love- my beautiful, innocent, perfectly imperfect love- you mean the world to me. Unfortunately, I cannot give you what you want. You want a forever- no, you need a forever. And as much as I wish that I could be the one that you spend it with, we both always knew that that would not be the case. For half of the year, I would be halfway around the world, and for four out of the six months left, I would be in a completely different country than from Australia. That means that we would only have two months to spend together, but we wouldn't even have that. Those two months would be spent doing interviews and performing on shows and being on the radio- we would barely have time at all to see each other. So what I'm doing is the best for both us. We will both be able to focus more on our careers now instead of spending practically all of our time daydreaming.

I hope you understand.

I will love you forever,

Ashton. x

I remember crying so hysterically that I actually fell out of the bed. But I just kept crying. I remember thinking "he's gone. He's gone forever and there's nothing that I can ever do about it. God who will get the house? I can't have it, my name isn't on the papers." So I left. I packed my bags gradually over the next week as I hunted for a small, affordable place that I liked. And I found one. It wasn't that far from the house, but it's not somewhere that he would look for me, either. So I bought it.

The boys told me how Ash reacted when they first got back to Australia. That he was upset that he didn't see me waiting for him in the crowd when they arrived at the airport. How they all walked into the house and he yelled that he was home. How worried he looked when he heard no reply from me. How he ran all through the house trying to find me.

"When you never replied, it was as if you could literally see his heart stop beating- he was so pale, paler than usual. You could visibly see him swallow the lump in his throat. He ran around the house trying to find you, yelling your name in a panic. He searched every room before he came back to us in the family room. He was huffing, out of breath, and was bent over with his hands on his knees. The three of us didn't know what to do- we just gave each other these looks. And then Ash caught his breath and stood up. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, his eyes focused on something behind us- a note on the kitchen table. We all watched in confusion as he walked past us into the kitchen without saying a word, just this determined look etched onto his face, and lifted the note from the table. His hands were shaking as he put the note back on the table after reading it, and within a nanosecond, he was on the floor crying. He was on his knees and had his hands covering his face and all he could do was sob."

I snap myself from my reverie as I remember where I am- our house, mine and Ashton's house. We went back to being friends because we were better off that way, but neither of us ever stopped loving one another. After some time passed, he convinced me to move back in. So here I am, in mine and Ashton's house, on our bed, deeply infatuated with the passionate kiss that we're currently sharing.

I open my eyes and pull away from Ash. What are we doing? I swallow as I allow my eyes to wander around the room, looking anywhere but Ash's face which currently holds a pained expression. I can hardly bear to be this close to him at the moment, so I stand from the bed and walk towards the wardrobe still in its same place as before until I'm only a few inches away from it.

I hear Ash inhale a sharp breath before he painfully speaks a few lines from one of my favorite songs: "Why are you walking away? Was it something I did? Did I make a mistake?"

I swiftly turn around so that I am looking at him. He's bent over with his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. I silently walk over to him and get on my knees in front of him so that I am near his height. I warily reach up and gently touch my hand against his, watching as he lifts his head so that he can look at me. "Don't hide your face. And don't hide your tears."

He gives me a look before speaking. "But guys shouldn't cry."

"Everyone cries," I defend. "And yes, that means guys too. And it's okay to cry- it isn't a show of weakness, it just means that you've been strong for far too long and you can't handle it anymore."

"I should have never left," he whispers, the tears clouding his eyes once more.

"You had to." I watch my fingers as I curl them around Ashton's.

"I got back home and you weren't here, you weren't home." I swallow the lump in my throat at his words. "You left."

"But I came back," I choke out.

"Only because I begged you." Ashton places his free hand on top of both of mine. I look up at him and into his eyes only to be met by a bright fiery orange, which usually is only there if he is extremely happy, hyper, or sad.

"I would've came back even if you wouldn't have begged me."

Ashton's eyes flicker with a bit of pure happiness but they return back to doleful just as fast. He closes his eyes shut tight and whispers. "Would you ever leave again?" he opens his eyes as he finishes the last word. "Would you ever leave me again?"

I close my hand around his and pull it against my chest, bringing my other hand up to clasp around it is as well, my eyes never leaving his. "What do I have to do to make you see that I'm not going anywhere?"

He closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath before re-opening them. "Marry me."

A/N: You've guessed it- there will be a Part Three! I feel like I should just turn this into a story. I mean, it's heading that way as it is. Comment "0707" if you think I should.
I was crying writing this chapter so I really hope you love it:)

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