Another couple weeks had passed again since the New Year’s party occurred, and I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to anyone that nothing had been resolved with my friends. I’ve probably mentioned this plenty of times, but this whole thing was ridiculous. I just wanted it all to end.
There were only a few more months until the school year was over so that was what I was currently looking forward to. Harry and I had briefly touched on the subject about life after graduation as far as college went. Harry said he still had no idea what college he wanted to go to, so I took that as I good thing for me since then I could probably easily convince him to just go to the college that I was going to.
I wasn’t going to say anything yet because I wanted him to decide on his own and not feel obligated to go to college with me or that I was expecting him to.
So this week Becca has made a few more attempts to talk to me when I was walking to class or the coffee shop in the morning, but I’ve gotten to the point where I make a point to avoid her so I don’t have to have those awkward encounters with her.
Becca would be nice to me and everything when it was just us walking to a class or something, but the moment that Liz or Christina showed up, she would shut back down and ignore me again. That’s what made staying in my dorm room feel like crap now.
I think now I liked it better when they would gossip about me while I was in the bathroom because at least they were acknowledging my existence even if it wasn’t the best acknowledgement and they were thinking I couldn’t hear them I’m guessing, it was still something. Now they were just flat out ignoring me whenever I was around and it really bothered me. I’ve been beginning to learn to just not let it get to me all that much though.
I was slowly starting to just get used to it and accept the fact that this was probably how it was going to be from now on. They were obviously done with me so I guess that I was going to me done with them as well.
I knew that Becca wasn’t completely done with having me as a friends, but I was at the point where I didn’t know if I wanted to still be friends. Even though she was the only one who didn’t seem to go ballistic when she found out, she even went outside with me to talk about with me and just discuss it all. She also had given me that information about Christina that I hadn’t known.
The way she treated me when Christina and Liz were around was what really made me not want to hang out with her as much anymore. If she really wanted to be my friend again, she shouldn’t be worried about what those two might think.
Of course though she couldn’t do that since she was too damn worried about the way people saw her and in this case she’d rather have one person not want to talk to her than two. I also believed that the only reasons she had been talking to me at all was because of that constant need to have everything like her and accept her. And if I weren’t talking to her, then that need wouldn’t be completely fulfilled.
These last couple months of school were probably the most stressful, and I was probably making them more stressful for myself than I really needed to. There was just so much going on right now besides all the schoolwork; things that I seriously had no idea were going to happen. And since all this conflict had happened, it was affecting my schoolwork in some minor ways.
For one I didn’t have the genius Liz to help me out when there was something I didn’t understand from a class. Now I was left on my own to study and do homework even though it was a lot more fun when I did it in a group with my friends.
I did have Harry to study with, but he wasn’t exactly the easiest person to talk about school related things with. It was a given that he just wasn’t interested all that much in school. Of course I was pressuring him a bit more than I should with studying since these last few grades at the end of the year were pretty important since those last minute grades can either make you or break you.
He was doing a good job at keeping his grades up and I really wanted to continue that just in case he did decide to go to the same college as me. The application deadline was soon and I really wanted him to make up his mind.
The college I had applied to wasn’t so advanced that they wouldn’t accept Harry’s grades, but with the grades Harry told me he had in previous years in high school, he better hope he keeps his averages high now and writes a damn good essay for his application.
I was relieved that today was the first day of the weekend since I really did need a break from the pressure of classes for too many hours a day. I just wished the school year could be over already so I could get away from all of this stress and conflict.
I was currently heading to the bus stop because Harry texted me telling me to meet him there so we could head out to the pizza place downtown.
Harry greeted me with a hug when I finally approached where he was waiting at the bus stop. I probably didn’t have the most enthusiastic greeting back to him as I should’ve, but I just had a lot on my mind right now, and of course Harry seemed to notice.
“You okay?” he asked me as we sat down on the bench.
“Yeah,” I lied and of course Harry gave me a disbelieving look.
I sighed, “I’ve just been thinking about everything, my friends, college, everything else,”
“What about them?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve never really realized what bitches my friends could be,” I began.
“I feel awful for calling them that, but that’s pretty much how I feel about them at this point, mainly Christina and Liz,” I told him.
“Well if it makes you feel any better I’ve always thought they were bitches,” Harry said with a slight laugh.
“Why did you never say anything?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “They were your friends and I didn’t want you to get mad if I said anything bad about them,”
“Well now I wish you would’ve. I wish I realized how rude they are. I wished that I didn’t have them holding me back all this time from being with you. I was so worrying about them finding out that I didn’t realize that it wasn’t a good friendship I had with them if I was trying to hide you from them. The four of us didn’t even have that close of a friendship since we weren’t even planning on going to college together,” I said.
“It’s just upsetting that I’ve pretty mush lost the only friends I’ve had and I hate the fact that they’re going to leave for college hating me,” I added.
“Hey,” Harry said, “You can’t worry about them anymore, don’t beat yourself up over this. They’ve made it clear they don’t need you, so you obviously don’t need them, okay?” he said and I nodded.
“I’ll be your new best friend,” he told me and I let out a small laugh.
“I’m serious, you don’t need those judgmental girls, okay? I’ll go with you to college, I will go with you wherever you want to go, it will be me and you, you and me, and that’s all that matters,” Harry said and reached his thumb to my face to wipe away a tear that I hadn’t realized was there.
I couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence so I just nodded and leaned over and pressed my lips against his. He was all I wanted and everything I needed and I hated that it took me so long to realize that. It was just me and him now though and I couldn’t ask for anything more.