Harry and I had been at the party for maybe closer to an hour now, possibly longer than that. We really hadn’t done all that much so far to be honest. We arrived, we went and got some food, and then we sat down at the table that we are currently at.
All we pretty much have been doing was eating our snacks that we filled our plates with, along with our drinks, and talking. I found it quite amusing how the red fruit punch that Harry had chosen to drink had left his lips bright red and gave a faint red tint to his teeth and on the skin above his mouth.
I could tell he would disagree with me, but it was still fun to tease him for it. He had seemed like he was acting a bit off tonight, but I couldn’t really tell. I’m sure it was probably nothing, I’ve just been overly stressed and worried in the past few hours and I’m most likely just over analyzing things.
I honestly don’t think over estimating things is a bad thing now because I under estimating the ability and the fact that my friends would find out about Harry and I sooner than I thought and in a different way than I thought.
The whole time that Harry and I have been talking tonight, I have pretty much been the one in conversation while Harry would make a comment every now and then. I supposed that that was the way that it usually was, but it just felt different tonight. His comments and attempts to engage in the conversation held less effort than usual, and every now and then he would be looking around the room.
This night wasn’t as ideal as I thought it was going to be, but I wasn’t sure exactly what I was even expecting. I thought about going ahead and telling Harry about how my friends know about us now since the night was just kind of average so far, might as well add this and then maybe Harry will utter more than half a sentence every few minutes. I kind of just wanted to wait to tell him though; it didn’t seem right to give him this information.
Then again I thought that it would be best to wait to tell my friends about Harry and I and look where that’s gotten me. I also needed to ask Harry about him telling Liam. I was still almost pretty positive that he was the one who gave Liam that information that resulted in Liz finding out, and then obviously the rest of my friends.
There was no other explanation other than Harry told Liam, and that bothered me quite a lot and I really wanted to confront him about that. He needed to tell me when he told other people so I could be aware. My friends finding out and causing this whole mess really was Harry’s fault as much as I really didn’t want to admit it.
I wasn’t going to call him out on that at all when I told him because it wasn’t worth it, but it was true. A small part of me couldn’t help but wonder if Harry had told Liam on purpose, knowing that this might happen.
I knew the idea was ridiculous and I should even entertain the thought, but I couldn’t help it.
I tried to think of a way or reason that Liam would have to mention Harry and I’s relationship to Liz, and I’ll admit that I came up with a few legitimate reasons, but my mind kept drifting back at the possibility of Harry hinting to him or something to tell Liz, or maybe he flat out told him to tell Liz, maybe he told Liam how stubborn I was about telling my friends about us and Liam agreed to help him with carrying out a plan to have my friends find out once and for all so we didn’t have to keep hiding everything when they were around.
I needed to stop thinking about this, it was just stressing me out and that was the last thing I needed right now. I’d sort of hinted to Harry a bit that someone was up, not necessarily that something was wrong, but that something was different. I could tell that he had been a bit confused when we walked into the party an hour or so ago and I was still holding his hand.
Normally I wouldn’t be holding his hand at all tonight at a party where my friends could be seeing us anywhere at anytime. I will admit that it was nice to be able to do that. That’s the one part of me that actually got to relax tonight for the first time in awhile being out on campus with Harry.
I didn’t have to worry about my friends being nearby and wondering why I was sitting at a table eating and talking with Harry, or why I was even there at all. I didn’t have to be paranoid and looking around the room for my friends to make sure that one of them wasn’t watching us or looking at us weird or something.
Tonight I couldn’t care less if my friends or anyone for that matter say Harry and I together, and I didn’t give a crap about what anything might be thinking. That seemed to be the greatest part of tonight so far.
Perhaps the night would be better once it was time to head up to the rooftop. That was always my favorite part of the New Year’s party every year. It was going to be different not being up there with my friends, but at least I would have Harry with me.
I couldn’t help but feel guilty for the fact that I probably wasn’t going to be all that close with my friends anymore from this night forward. I could hope that everything would go back to normal with them, but I knew that nothing would ever be quite the same ever again.
I was going to miss hanging out with them at every part and going out to dinner with them and shopping every weekend that we were allowed to go off campus. I supposed that I wasn’t the only one who was beginning to stop doing those things with them. Liz hadn’t been hanging out in our little group as much anymore either ever since she started dating Liam.
The only difference between me and her situation was that everyone knew about them and my friends were completely okay with it, especially since she’s always claimed to like him and never to hate him, and the fact that when she was gone we always knew she was with him, but when I was gone I would always have to come up with some excuse to give them and hope that they would believe it.
I realized that the four of us hanging out all the time was already coming to an end anyway. This was our senior year and we were already about to start the second semester. The school year was going to be over before we knew it and then we’d be going our separate ways, hoping that we’d all keep in touch.
We all had different aspirations in life and different people in out lives that were going to lead us to separate colleges probably in completely different locations from each other. We were never those friends who planned on going to college together because we knew that it was never going to happen with the way we all wanted our lives and careers in the future to go.
If we all went to the same college, at least one of us would have to make a sacrifice. I knew that almost all colleges would teach the same courses that we each wanted to take, but some offered more in a certain subject than others.
Some colleges were better well known for certain majors and it would just make since to go there if that what they’re known for instead of a different place that couldn’t give you education in that major just as good as the other. I could only hope that the fate for Harry and I would end up different.
I honestly had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, and I wasn’t even sure if he knew. In a selfish way I was okay with that though because it might mean he’d be more willing to go to the college that I was going to.
I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard someone announcing that we were able to go up to the rooftop now.