She still hasn’t answer my question. I wanted to ask her while we were on the park bench but I just never got to it. She still has never answered and always tried to avoid the question when I asked it. Normally this kind of thing wouldn’t bother be very much, but now for some reason it did. I felt like I was just embarrassing myself, telling her that I liked her and repetitively asking her to answer the question, and then I kissed her again today.
She actually kind of kissed me back today though, which was a big step up from her pushing me away from her like she did yesterday. I was a bit surprised that she kissed me back, it caught me off guard a bit and I had pulled away. This whole thing was just making me nervous. I hated that she thought that I liked her better when she had had a bit to drink and that it had made her feel less nervous around me.
This was all just so different to me and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I felt like I was maybe becoming too vulnerable, like I had already made it way too obvious that I had the slightest feelings for her.
For me it would usually be the girl who would let me know how she felt about me, not giving me much of a chase, just automatically wanting to be with me. Now here I had been telling Nicole that I liked her and not so patiently waiting for her answer. Letting her be the one with the impact over me while I just embarrassed myself and looked vulnerable.
I really disliked this, I felt like I had lost some type of power and quality that I once had when it came to girls. I was starting to become defenseless, letting this girl have the affect over me. I went ahead and walked back to my dorm room, but by the time I got back, my friends were already up and getting ready to head to lunch.
I figured that most people probably weren’t getting up until now since the campus was almost vacant when I had been out there just a few moments ago. I had gotten more sleep than many of the other people at the parties because I had left. Nicole had left early so there really hadn’t been any more reason for me to stay since she was the only reason why I had went and that corresponded back to me being affected too much by her.
“Hey,” Niall said to me once I had walked into the room.
“Hey,” I said back.
“Where did you go?” he asked me.
“Just went to walk outside a bit,” I told him, and he just nodded.
“Hey did you leave the party early last night?” Liam asked me.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“I just felt like it,” I told him, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to bother bringing the real reason why I left or not.
“Things not go the way you wanted with Nicole?” he suggested.
“Something like that,”
“So did you leave before or after she did?” he asked after a few moments, catching me off guard a bit by the fact that he knew she left.
“After…” I replied suspiciously.
“I only know because I was with Liz when Nicole came up and asked her for a key to their dorm room,” he told me, and I just nodded.
Once the rest of my dorm mates had gotten ready and dressed after just waking up half an hour ago, we all walked to the dining hall. I hadn’t realized until I was sitting at the table with the boys that I usually went to the coffee shop at this time. I didn’t see Nicole sitting in her normal spot, but I saw her friends so I figured she was already there. I was already here so I might as well just get my meal here.
By the time they called for the seniors to go up and get lunch, I was in a conversation with Niall that continued until we got back to the table and I sat down with them.
“Hey don’t you usually stay here for lunch, do you?” Niall asked me after I had sat across from him.
“I thought I might stay here today,” I told him, and he nodded and began to introduce me to some of the people that were sitting with us that I hadn’t yet met.
I knew Nicole was probably going to be pissed at me, but I didn’t want her to think that I was always going to please her just because I liked her in a way.
When I was heading to the coffee shop for lunch today, I knew that I was running a bit late because I had lost track of time talking to Liz back in the dorm. I was expecting to receive a comment from Harry about me not being on time since I wasn’t getting lunch from the dining hall, but when I walked into the coffee shop, he wasn’t there. I figured that maybe he had decided to get his lunch from the dining hall today and was going to come after awhile.
After about ten minutes I figured that he should be coming soon.
At fifteen minutes I went ahead and ordered something from the barista who had finally appeared from the back area.
“Boyfriend not coming today?” the barista asked as she mixed my drink.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I informed her.
“Yeah but you like him, don’t you?” I just shrugged as she set the drink in front of me and then made the sandwich I ordered.
“He likes you,” she told me as she placed the finished sandwich in front of me and I gave her the money I owed.
I decided not to answer her, I wanted to call her out on getting too involved in my personal life, but I just kept my mouth shut and walked back to the table.
After being here for twenty-five minutes and having finished my food, I concluded that he wasn’t going to be coming to work on the study guide today.
I went ahead and put my papers and pen back in my backpack and got up from the table. I walked back across campus to get to the dining hall so I could spend the last few minutes of lunch actually sitting with my friends for once.
I wished that Harry would’ve given me some notice that he wasn’t going to show up today so I could’ve been able to sit with my friends longer than the amount of time I was getting. I knew I had normally chose not to sit with my friends at lunch since they usually sat with a group of the boys, but today it seemed better than sitting at the coffee shop by myself.
When I made it to the dining hall, I easily spotted where my friends were sitting and sat down in the empty seat next to Liz.
“Well, wasn’t expecting to see you here,” she once she turned to see who had sat down next to her.
I was just about to answer her, but that suddenly didn’t matter anymore. I had looked at the table across from the one I was sitting at now, and I saw Harry sitting with a group of people, all of them laughing at something someone said, and I just felt something inside of me drop a bit. It shouldn’t bother me; I knew this would happen at some point, he could be friends with almost anyone he wanted so it’s not like he always has to stick around me.
“What are you looking at?” Liz asked me.
“Oh um, nothing,” I quickly said to her and focused my attention away from that table.
Liz just went with what I said and began to tell the rest of my friends who hadn’t noticed that I was here yet that I was sitting with them right now. They began to excitedly ask why I had decided to sit with them for the remainder of lunch today, but I was trying my best not to answer the question and act like everything was fine. If I didn’t want my friends to know that I was here because Harry didn’t show up at the coffee shop, I couldn’t look like I was off about anything.
My friends believed that everything was okay with me right now, so I had to believe that everything was okay too.