Rain and the night sky became a nice cover for me as I am awake for another night. I didn’t have a dream but I can see the points of the volcanos on the crest of the horizon when the sun was out during the day before. I felt each drop stroll down my face and red hair as I stared into the death clock.
Each drop was helping me hide my shame as I saw another gain of sand fall gently to the bottom of the death clock. I felt heavy with thought as I looked up to see my sword lying on the stump across from me.
“Am I worth it?” I asked myself as I went back to the clock. The thunder roared around me as if it was answering me back. I know that I am so close but how much longer do I have and can I handle the fact that someone has to dice, or even an entire town?
I can’t answer these questions myself as I wondered though to my sword. I felt the tears stream my face as I slowly grasped the cover of my sword and the clock in the other. I wished that I could talk to Bill about what I feel because all I saw was someone dying for me once more. I didn’t care whom it was I just didn’t want to live for some reason.
And then that vision that face was someone that had saved me and I him. Was it worth it when he left this world? A flash of lighting let me see the sand and I didn’t see myself in the reflection but the Spellbound that I used to know with the one I know now sleeping behind the glass that I looking through.
I place the glass on the stump and wish there was something else but I am so close to forgetting whatever I had done in the past and renewing my future. Is this worth it since I had made so many mistakes and so many others had fallen to where I should have gone? I am nothing but a ball of darkness and secrete wishing that I could be forgiven and release the chains but I know that that is wishful thinking.
“Am I worth it?” I asked myself again wondering the answer and all I kept turning to the same answer as I reviewed everything that had happened in my life. I pulled the sword from its slumber it rejected the offer as I forced it out.
“Mistele?” I hear Bill behind me and I didn’t want him to wake. I turned around and here he is looking at me like I had gone mad. He glance at my sword and the shadow of the death clock by me as a flash of lighting shown the redness of my eyes and the sword in my hand. I looked away and dropped the sword. It sounded like a section of my life ending already even though I did nothing. I felt worthless and running around in circles though so much in this journey that it will become endless though I see the town over the horizon.
“Leave me alone Bill.” I said and he tilted his head and smiled knowing better. I looked down and I had enough of the sadness and guilt. All that I wanted to do was run, run from all of this. I feel alone and in solitude, forgotten by the world and written off by my kingdom.
“Why so could use your sword?” He sassed and I glanced up at him and I could see life in his eyes while all I saw was death. I turned around to see that my clock is only leaving grains where there should be piles though I wished I could do more.
“Leave, me …ALONE!” I shouted and was answered to the rumble of thunder. I am crying now and using my nails as razors on my skin, something that I had never done before as I am letting my darkness win.
“Come on Mistelle..” Bill sighed as he was reading me like a book as all I was thinking about is my death clock. How much longer do I have?
I turned around and swiped it to the ground and sat down into its place. The clock landed on the ground in a hard thump I let all the tears wash over me to where I couldn’t breathe. I wished that I could be stronger but I would be living a lie. I had been living a life that had been through so much destruction and yet so perfect before I fell. The rain was becoming a friend as it was washing over me once more as a cold blanket but I wished that I could become part of the blanket.
“Talk to me.” Bill was now trying to get into my face and I turned away quickly. I didn’t want him to wake I didn’t even want him near me.
“I am fine.” I growled as a hint that Bill was just making it worse.
“Come on what is going on Mistele? You are just going to shorten your life more than what it already is, look.” He tried to reason with me and then he grabbed the clock. The slow grasp was like he was trying to think carefully on what to say next. I forced myself to look and the lighting flashed once more to show that there is a hole on the top of the glass and I was frightened but at the same time I didn’t care at all.
“And?” was all I could choke out. I couldn’t tell him that I was scared and alone inside since that would make him look at me differently. I felt the pressure become weights on my chest and it was all feeling instead of my condition.
“We don’t want you to go away I know you better.” Bill tried to be funny but I found it offensive that he would think that it would be a grand time to say something like that. I looked at him and he took the message immediately. His smile droop as I felt like I was sinking more and more into despair.
“But I am not sure that’s the problem.” I finally broke a little inside and Bill tried again to cheer me up but all I wanted to do was die right then. The rain was starting to get to me as I shivered with the cold.
“Then tell me it Mistele.” Bill said and I wasn’t sure at all what to do this storm inside is more intense than the one that is around me as Bill placed a blanket around me though he must know that it barely helped me out but it made me feel a bit better.
“I don’t know how to start.” I mouthed as all I could think about was just grasping my sword.
“Then start whenever and whatever you do don’t smile.” Bill switched the subject and I wasn’t ready for him to switch it. I glared at him in question then he nudged me. It felt wired that someone would try to be kind to me but I saw it as a time to dump my sorrows onto him.
“Well I had been placed on a pedestal for so long. I was living a life that wasn’t the best but at the same time I loved it. But when I was struck it is like the darkness surrounded me and wanted me into its realm.
“Oh, well, you can leave all that right now or after we get that stone if you want.” Bill sighed and I knew it was my turn to throw him into a loop. We sat in silence for a bit as my blanket got soaked and the storm played it song of solitude.
“I can’t.” I finally breathe. “But, I am unsure that I truly want to go back since I know what I am going to get.” Bill glared at me and then to the muddy ground.
“You had been through a lot, I get it.” He said and I looked up and wiped off the tears.
“But I feel like I had failed my Kingdom.” I said and he looked away deep in thought as if he was pondering what to say next.
“I know you haven’t. Besides they would understand…” Bill said and I jumped up in rage knowing Bill isn’t helping me.
“No they WON’T!” I yelled and started to grab my sword but Bill was right in the way.
“You don’t know that.” Bill was angry now like he had all right to be but now he has a suicidal lady near him whom keeps looking at her sword as if it is her salvation.
“I do. It had always been like that since the grand quest of my youth!” I cried out but bill held me with a tight grip.
“Then you better not smile about it.” He is at the same sentence again and I have no idea what the heck he is doing since he is now grinning from ear to ear like a monster that knows that I want to be eaten.
“Why would you say something like that?” I tried not to laugh but Bill’s grin was so huge and hilarious for the moment that I couldn’t help myself.
“Don’t smile! You are not allowed to smile at a situation like this.” Bill’s voice cracked and I never heard it crack before as I busted out laughing and Bill just kept harping at me with the same routine till I was crying for a different reason.
Soon after a long laugh I felt a bit better as I looked over through the rain as the thought of death still loomed but it wasn’t as big as before. I glanced around and found my sword to place it back in its holster for a moment and went to place it in our makeshift tent. I felt a tear roll down my face thinking that I almost ended my life this night but yet someone was there for me and I am glad. I started to regret what I had done and I came to a conclusion that I can’t be trusted with my own sword for a long time.
“Bill.” I called out and he came to my side with concern written all over his face as he was possibly thinking the worse. I held out my sword to him and he swished his face in confusion. “I can’t be trusted.” I explained and he softened a bit as the calmness with a blast of kindness that went off like fireworks in his eyes that matched the silent lighting strike that was around us.
“Yes you can be trusted.” He chimed and closed my hands for me while I was presenting my sword to him as if it was an offering of my own sins.
We were silent for a bit as I hear the storm soften a bit outside and I spotted the death clock still in Bill’s hands I couldn’t help myself but I swung my hands around him as a thank you. Bill looked happy as I grabbed the clock one hand and the sword was held in the other as like a symbol that Bill was a part of as well as he held did the same just mirroring me. I happened to look at the clock that was between us and it was still at the same amount of sand saying tonight was not the night to die.