"In the absence of love we hold onto those who we have fleeting moments with, in some naive hope they complete those times we have yet to live." -unknown
It's been a couple of days after our date and I can already tell you I like the kid. Maybe not like some infatuation or anything but I can't really ignore the smile that graces my features or the slightest tinge of rose that hits the apples of my cheeks when he calls me. And that's the thing. He always calls. I asked him one time why he doesn't just text me and he said that he doesn't want to lose the real person connection that we have. Whatever that means. Even though it annoys the hell out of me, I still respect it. We'll send the few occasional texts back and forth but other than that his voice is the first thing I wake up to and the only thing I fall asleep to. It's like he tapped into my daily routine of nonsensical things I do, and now I can't stop it. Just another something to add to my list I guess.
I'm surprised my mother hasn't been asking me any questions on why the constant smile on my face or 'why are you actually happy for once?' But then I remember that my sister is going into her dream college as a sophomore (even though she's only a senior in high school at the moment) and my folks couldn't be any more proud cause god only knows they barely made it past high school. I'm only in the 11th grade and I can already tell you that I've made it farther than my parents have.
They believe in the whole "ensuing our dreams and life goals that we failed to accomplish ourselves into our kids might make us feel less miserable" kind of parenting. So that's how I ended up playing the trumpet when I was in third grade. I never particularly liked it cause to be honest, at the time I didn't even know what it was. And also, that's how my sister got into pageants. I use to be jealous of her when we were younger cause she got to dress up and act like a brat all she wanted while I had to sit in a room for 2 hours a week with an old lady who yelled at me for bad embouchure and posture. But the older we got, the less I cared for what she had done. At this point anything she does is out of spite.
Of course no one believes us when we tell people we're sisters. "What? You guys looks nothing alike! And not to mention how your sister is way hotter."
I honestly don't know why everyone is in love with my sister. I mean yeah she's gorgeous with her long brown and curly hair and green eyes. And yeah she could pass for a model with the makeup she does and how perfect her figure is but if anyone really knew her like I do, they wouldn't even give her a second glance. And not to mention that her name is June. You can thank our mother for that one.
She's a total bitch to put it into simplest terms but that's apparently how you make friends. It's beyond me, really. I'm surprised people didn't try and make friends with me just to try to get to my sister. But they probably realized how much of a waste that would've been so they ignored me altogether. Which I'm not complaining about in the slightest. I'm just glad for people like Jackson. For people who actually care about who are and not what you are. My other friend Elly is like that too.
Elly goes to a different school so we don't see each other as much as we'd like to but that doesn't stop us from talking for hours on end on the phone or visiting each other on the weekends as much as possible. We're quite the interesting mix also.
Elly has quite a bold personality that comes off very sassy but it's in the funny way. She's a true diva but like I said it's in the funny way. Her appearance matches her personality quite well. She's mixed with a beautiful light brown complexion, dark brown eyes, tamable curly hair (that I envy), and is a whopping 6'2 in height. She completely dwarfs me when we stand next to each other but I don't mind at all. Not to mention how on point her makeup always is. I mean she always looks ready for the runway.
"It took me 2 years to get where I am today with my makeup," she told me. I asked her how many makeup tutorials she's watched on YouTube and she said she's lost count.
I invited her over since we're both on spring break and my family is leaving to take a walk through the campus and dorms that June will be staying at, even though the school is only 20 minutes away. I asked her why she just doesn't stay at home. She rolled her eyes and scoffed at me. "Please, I can't stand one more night here. No more parents nagging me and you to annoy me. But don't worry, I'll be visiting some if you ever get lonely."
I only asked her to stay so my parents didn't have to spend the extra money. I'm just scared they'll run out by the time I go to college.
"Trust me, I want to leave too."
After baking brownies and jamming out to State Champs, Elly and I moved our party to the basement to watch reruns of America's Next Top Model and talk gossip. These were the prefect times to tell her about my little boy dilemma and I'd knew she'd want to hear all about it. I haven't exactly told her that I'm in love with Jackson but she has a pretty good idea. She has no idea about Milo though. She's always asking about my love life considering it's peak has been at a solid 0 while hers always gives the same answer of "It's complicated."
"Elly I need some advice." I didn't know how else to tell her about my situation so I just thought to go for it. No point in hiding anything.
"That's why I'm here, duh. Now what's the problem?"
I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second. Just go for it.
"So...there's this boy..." At this she jumped and squealed and practically toppled over me on the couch. I had to save the brownies from falling to their death.
"Oh my god, who is it?! Is it Jackson? I knew you'd guys would always make a cute couple."
Hearing this made my heart lurch a little and the dull pain to come back. She didn't know.
"Well, sorta. I mean there's another guy and he's really sweet and he likes me a lot."
"But, I just, I don't necessarily feel the same. And I feel bad about it but my feelings are consumed by Jackson. I mean it's not my fault I fell in love with him. It just happened!"
"Wait wait wait, you love him?!"
"Yes." My voice went quiet.
"Well why don't you do something about it? Oh my god, you guys would be perfect for each other! Call him up right now and tell him, I'll even arrange a date for you-"
"He has a girlfriend." At this she stopped her rambling and looked at me with an unreadable expression.
"Why didn't you say anything to him?" I looked down at my feet feeling my eyes burn with tears.
"I didn't want to ruin our friendship with him not feeling the same way. I was right." I felt Elly wrap her arms around my shoulders and rock back and forth a bit. Her voice was much quieter now.
"Well what about that other guy you mentioned, what was his name?"
"Milo." I said with a small smile forming on my lips.
"Do you like him?"
"Not as much as he likes me but yes."
"Then there you go! Focus your attention and emotions on him. Not to the point where you're forcing yourself into anything but where you're comfortable enough to let one thing go to make room for the other. I'm also not saying to completely forget about Jackson either, but distance yourself in a way where your laboring emotions are detached. Not your friendship. It may be hard, but only time will tell."
"God, you sound like Wendy Williams." We both laughed as she wiped a stray tear from my face and gave me a hug.
"I only try for you."
For the rest of the night we painted our nails and talked about anything that came to mind. Elly was showing me how to make a hair mask to tame my curls a bit when I got the phone call.
"Hey Ells can you grab my phone? It's probably Milo at this ungodly hour." She came back in the kitchen with a confused expression.
"It's Jackson." My whole body whipped around from washing my hands in the sink to the doorway of the kitchen where Elly stood looking concerned.
"What?' I asked in disbelief.
"Well are you going to answer it?" I nodded and slowly walked over to Elly and gently grasped my phone out of her hands. I took a deep breath and answered.
"December!" I heard a lot of shuffling on the other end along with a couple of sniffles.
"Jackson, are you alright? Where are you?"
"I'm at a friends house and I'm drunk." His whole speech was slurred but I could still tell what he said. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Are you okay?" It was silent on the other end and I started to get worried. "Jackson please answer me. Are you okay?"
"Not really," He whispered.
"Why what's wrong?" He waited a couple of seconds to answer and when he did, my blood went cold.
"I just...I love you so much."