"I can't do that again, Malik." I shook my head and ran my hand over my face as if to wash away the recent past events. "God, people talk about trauma but... Woah, that was something... Eye opening." I paused a little "I could never say I saw it coming". I was still in shock, so much so that a tear fell fresh on my cheek. Zayn sat, his hand rubbing roughly over his forehead as he took it all in.
"Oh God." he sighed. My hands trembled visibly and I clutched the back of the chair opposite Zayn. I could still feel her hair on my cheek and the remnant feel of her body again my chest as she shook with sad tears. Never would I think that she was capable of something like that. It made me think about how long she had been doing so. Looking at her beautiful smile, the gleam in her dark eyes, I was so confused as to why the compulsion came.
"Where is she now?" Zayn looked far past me into the glass pool of offices with an empty numbness. I ran my hand through my smooth curls and tried to concentrate. It would take me some getting over, let alone her. She must have been petrified hearing me swear; bustling through the door...
"We can call this off if you still... Feel ill..." I offered, my chin still on her head, her grip tight around my back. I tried hard not to stutter, focusing on the smell of her lipstick instead of the faint lingering of sour sickness. I could feel her shudder beneath me and shake her head.
"I still want to work Sir, can you stay with me please?" She whispered the last part but pulled away from me so she could look into my eyes. Marie was no longer crying and cleared her throat taking another large step away from me. I couldn't help but to long for the warmth of her body against me again.
I put my hand on the edge of the sink awkwardly as I felt slightly helpless at her wanting to be so far away from me. "Okay, it's whatever you like really" I reassured her and tried to sound friendly and not patronising or pitying. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable around me; I couldn't imagine how embarrassed I would be if I were in her place. The thought caused a lump to form in my throat.
Was this the right thing to do? Should I have said something later on? I decided that there was not much more I could do now that it was already over. If she still felt up to do a shoot, I wasn't going to be the one to stop her. A strong voice broke my trail of thought. "Yes, it's what I want. This was stupid, can we please get passed this? I don't want to have time off or anything. I'll be okay..." Marie's voice was fluent and sturdy. It shocked me from as it had only been a few short minutes ago that she was whimpering from the tears.
"Great, sure, whatever you need. I'm going to need to check something but I'll be in my office when you're ready..." I stepped towards her and put a hand on her shoulder. I could feel her body tense a little. I searched her eyes one last time to see if she was really okay. Her eyes were almost coal dark with intensity; there was no sadness in them but a strength that I had never come across.
I recounted the morning to Zayn to take it off my chest, my mind felt so heavy and I knew that he would keep this between us. Besides, it was not the type of thing to share around. I realised as I looked down at my watch that it had been 3 minutes since I had left Marie in the bathroom, she would probably be in my office by now. The weight in my chest didn't seem to completely vanish however... I was so scared for her. It made me wonder what someone would have said or done to make her do this in the first place.
"Can I see her?" Malik's expression changed to a slightly more worried look, he stood as if he was determined to fight. His determination, instead, with trying to help Marie. My heart rate sped up and my mind fell through an overtaking guilt trip. Maybe this was wrong. I'm sure she wouldn't want Zayn to know. I had never thought about how she might feel if others knew. I felt as if I had broken an unspoken promise.
What could Zayn say anyway that would make the situation any better? Complimenting and charm aren't really the fix to the dark feelings that encapsulate us all. "No." My eyebrows furrowed as I answered plainly with an authoritative voice. "I mean, I think she just needs some space right now. The two of us might be a crowd. She's with me today anyway, I'll take care of it." I clarified, attempting not to sound so defensive and protective of her; not too possessive.
The office was still and we found it somehow difficult to maintain eye contact. Malik gave a small nod, his lips turning downwards as he sat down and flicked through his notes, his silver Macbook on his desk contrasting well with his dark suit. "Okay" his voice was small in submission as he let me go after her.
As I turned to leave, my mind went back to her and I felt an overwhelming feel of danger for her. I could imagine how broken she might be, how ashamed and hate driven she might be towards herself and how it could motivate her to do something stupid, irreversible. And although these were just thoughts, I could feel myself begin to jog through the countless offices, slipping through the hallways until I got to the, strangely closed, opaque silver door of my office.
"Marie?" I knocked twice swiftly before I opened it, getting increasingly worked up. I don't know what I had expected to see as I entered. I closed my eyes and tried to prepare myself for the endless possibilities. I heard a small gasp for air and immediately opened my eyes with a sigh.
The gasp came from across the room, the bathroom on the left, the changing room and shoot studio on the right. There again, in the changing rooms was a small groan. I trudged slowly around the corner, the door of the changing room open. A full length mirror was occupied by a tall figure, height accentuated my Christian Louboutin heels. Her hair was long against her back, the brunette curls reaching her shoulder blades and further spiralling down her back.
I leaned against the door post, pushing the door open slightly as my arm leaned above my head. Her body had stimulating effects on me, which cause a tingling sensation that was uncontrollable. Her legs were bare, her pencil skirt laying lifelessly on the floor. Her face was well contoured, the golds, bronzes and silver highlights were expertly blended.
My eyes paced her body, her lips she decisively left a nude colour. She leaned forward against the mirror, revealing more of her bronze skin and a tight corset, laced with black. The ribbon tracing her spine was a deep red. I could hear her mumble under her breath and sigh. The ribbon seemed to be a little loose as she fumbled to tie the ribbon tighter. I guess it was time to step in.
Clearing my throat, I saw her visibly freeze. I moved quickly so I stood behind her. Carefully, slowly, I pulled the loose ribbon together fast and watched as she flung her head back with the sheer pain. "Mr. Styles" she moaned and I struggled to resist a small kiss on her neck; we were so close. My lips breathed warm air on her neck as my nose grazed her skin.
Tying a bow, I sealed the corset in place and traced my hands over her skin. "You're so beautiful" I whispered along her hair, looking at our reflection in the mirror. I could feel myself growing below my waist as I felt her pressed against me in nothing but the corset. She turned to face me and I put one hand on the desk so I cornered her but didn't push her up against the mirror. I waited to see how she'd react. My fears for her were relieved and now I just wanted her.
As she turned to face me, her brunette curls fell on the line of her chest and I watched it rose and fell with every breath. I soon averted to her eyes as the sensations travelling through me were beginning to overwhelm me. Her chocolate eyes were mesmerising. "I didn't really know what to wear after this. I was contemplating taking it off 'cause it was so loose. I guess you came at a good time".
I watched her intently as talked, her lips so soft and pink; so kissable... "Mhhm," I mumbled my agreement. I was glad I came. The glass was dimmed with a dark haze and the small yellow mirror lights were all that kept us from the dark. It felt like late afternoon. I gave her a long look and up and then quickly down. She laughed, that unintentionally sexy smile on her lips.
"Are you flirting sir? She questioned and laughed, pushing me playfully out of the way. My eyes traced her as she walked to the clothes rack and picked up a long silky black kimono and the camera on the shelf above. As she walked towards me, I calmed a little but as she came closer, she pulled up a chair from the desk, pushing me onto it with the camera in hand.
My hand clasp around a familiar camera and a new lust came over me. This passion was reserved for the one thing I loved like nothing else. "Maybe" I smirked and clicked the portrait setting. We didn't make it to the studio before the clicks of the camera commenced. And even though she may not have regarded my compliment; I knew the photos were proof of her beauty. I just wished she would know.