Zoey stormed out without saying a word.
"Dude that wasn't cool." I referred to ashton
"What do you want Michael?" He sighed
"Open up your eyes."
"And see what?!"
"The idiot inside you."
"Fuck off would you?" He opened my fridge and took out a beer from it
"I did. She wouldn't take it."
I threw my hands in the air and walked upstairs back to my room. Whatever happened between them is none of my business anymore.
*one month later*
That night is still hitting the back of my mind. I keep hearing the same awful things he said to me.
After that night, I managed to get home by myself. My phone kept buzzing from getting text messages and calls I didn't take, so I smashed it on the floor. I guess I overreacted about it, because my screen is now cracked, but it really pissed me off.
I didn't went to school for a few days also. I faked illness and fooled dad.
Work was also out of my mind.
And now, that it's been a whole month, I hoped to feel better. But I don't. I feel exactly the same like when I left Michael's house. They say time cures pain, and I'm still waiting for it to cure mine.
In this month I also managed to be friends with Emma again. I told her everything, cried on her shoulder, and she supported.
It felt pretty good letting it all out.. Like I'm not the only one who needs to take care of those problems.. Feeling.., even though they're mine.
Being in classes has became something meaningless. Like I'm some kind of a robot. Living has become meaningless. I found myself being absolutely disconnected from the outside world. I had Emma and that's it.
We took out our books from the lockers for the last period.
"So there's a p.."
I heard mumbling but ignored them, focusing on my books instead
"Zoey..." It shook my shoulder
"What?" I turned around to face Emma
"You're doing it again." She meant the robot thing
"I was just asking you if you want to go to that party tomorrow night?"
"I don't know.." We started walking "as you can tell.. I'm not in the right mood for it."
"Parties are made to cheer people up."
"I hate dancing anyways."
"So just dress up nicely and watch some sweaty drunk people rub their bodies in other sweaty drunk people."
I smiled to her sentence.
I didn't smile for a long time.
"For me?" She pouted
"Yay." She clapped her hands cheerfully "why won't you come for a sleepover tonight and then we'll get ready together tomorrow?"
I had a headache so I rubbed my temples constantly "I'll ask my dad."
"I'll be fine."
I got in the car where dad has waited to pick me up.
"Can I go to Emma's tonight? There a party tom.."
"We're having an important conversation tonight. You can't go." He cut me off
"After the conversation then."
"You can't go. End of story."
"Why are you reacting like that? Did I do something?"
"I don't know.. Did you?!"
He gave me a cold look and turned back to the road.
I didn't say anything for the whole ride, and when I left the car as well.
He scared me with his reaction honestly.
* lost in stereo lost in stereo *
"Why aren't you at my house yet?!" Emma screamed from the other line
I pulled the phone away from my ear "I can't go."
"I don't know. My dad says we have a conversation to do. Hey listen I gotta go. I think he's here." I hung up
I sat in the living room, pretending to watch the tv, waiting for him to start already.
It sounds like I can't wait to talk to him already, which is true. But not because of that reason. I don't like being yelled but the curiosity kills me. I need to know what this is about.
He sat across me and started.
"Turn the tv off please."
"I didn't do anything."
"Look Zoey, I'm giving you a chance. Is there anything you want to tell me maybe?"
I hesitated. Does he know? He doesn't.. And from who? Did ashton tell him, to get an even bigger revenge? I don't know anymore
"Can you tell me what this is about? I didn't do anything wrong dad."
"Oh didn't you? Okay.. So umm.." He made himself more comfortable by moving his body a little bit "who's Ashton?"
"Don't play yourself stupid and answer to the goddamn question." He raised his voice
I've never seen him react this way before.
"He's my boyfriend." I managed to pull out "my ex-boyfriend."
"And how old is he? Hmm?" He asked. And by his tone you knew he already know the answer
"And well.. How old are you Zoey?" He asked rhetorically
"I..I'm sixteen. What is that all about?"
"And how long do you know this guy?" He ignored my question
"Since we moved."
And a surprised look spread on his face, which showed that it was something he didn't know, compared to our ages.
"What am I supposed to do with you?! Have I raised you wrong? Did I make mistakes? What am I supposed to do so you'll understand it's wrong?! Dating 20 year old boys is wrong! Why did I have to say this to you? Wasn't it was obvious?! You lied to me. You're grounded."
I didn't say anything cause I mostly felt humiliated. I wasn't surprised I was grounded also. It had to come.
"I understand." I hugged him "and don't worry, I won't see him again." I went upstairs to my room and crushed on bed
None of this mattered to me. Not me being grounded, not being able to go to the party tomorrow, being forced to give him my phone and laptop. None of this mattered.
I didn't feel alive. Since that night, a month ago, I didn't feel anything.
*skips Saturday and Sunday*
So I basically missed the party. I wasn't bothered about it, I was bothered about Emma who doesn't know anything. She's probably thinking I ditched her and didn't return her calls or something
"You bitch!" She partly yelled which made a small group of people notice us
"I can explain." I lowered my voice to make her lower hers too
"It's better be good." She crossed her arms
"My dad found out about Ashton."
"Oh my god."
"You okay?" She leaned in for a hug and i hugged her back
"I don't know what to feel anymore honestly." I rubbed my face forcefully with my palm and then realized I probably messed up my make up. Great.
I walked to the bathroom and she followed me.
"Go to class you're gonna be late." I stopped her
She listened to me and left.
After about 15 minutes or so I headed to the class as well, being late.
I opened the door and walked in slowly, hoping not to get the teacher's attention.
"Miss Adams thank you for joining us. May you explain the reason for being here just now?"
"Sorry I had a thing to do.." I walked to my seat
"Does that 'thing' includes the principle involved?"
"It was a personal thing Mrs. Berry." I placed my books on the desk
She dropped the subject and continued with the following material. When the bell rang I grabbed my books and walked to the door.
"Miss Adams please come here for a seconds." Mrs. Berry asked before I could dismiss her class
She waited for everyone to leave and then closed the door.
"Look.." She started walking towards me "you're definitely going through something. Your grades aren't the same as the old ones and now this.." She literally stared in my eyes "make sure you don't have any distractions when you study for a test." She took out an F from her bag, which turned out to be my test "I know the material gets harder and harder but we're almost at the end of the year. I know you can make it." She smiled lightly
I smiled back "I will. Thank you." I took my F and left the class.
I went to put my books in my locker.
The rest of the day has gone pretty quickly and before I noticed, I was already home having lunch with Alice and dad.
"Finish here and go to your room." Dad said before clearing his plate and sitting in the living room, watching sports.
"I heard what happened.. I'm sorry." Alice looked at me
"Don't be." I cleared my plate as well "it's a relief actually." I faked her a smile and went upstairs.
For the past few hours I laid in bed thinking about my life.
I'm not happy, I'm not sad, I'm not upset, I'm not mad. I'm nothing.
I feel like I'm dead. Like existing doesn't really matter anymore cause who will miss me?
Dad? Who's angry. Alice? Who will do just fine without me. Emma? Who was without me until now and I'm sure she can handle a whole life time being like that. Ashton? Who doesn't love me anymore.
He didn't actually say that, but it's clear. His eyes were different, he acted different.. He's changed.
For a minute it seemed like he's tried to make a fight just for the break. To make it easier I guess. He's a jerk.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear everything out of my head. Emma, dad, Alice, Ashton. Everyone.
I felt my hair being stroked by someone. A pretty voice sang to me familiar words but yet, strange. I opened my eyes with a smile.
"Mom?" I frowned "what are you doing here?"
"You have to let it out honey. Don't keep it inside."
"What are you talking about?"
"Let it out." She got up from my bed and started walking
She didn't stop
She left through my door
I woke up.
"It's was just a dream." I calmed myself
I got up to check my door. To be sure.
No one was there.
I looked at my wall clock and it showed 4am.
I started getting ready for school because I knew I wouldn't fall back asleep after what happened and went downstairs to cook some breakfast.
"Good morning." I smiled to Alice who has just woken up
"What did you do?" She rubbed her eyes walking to me "it smells great."
"I made pancakes."
"Mm" she tried to steal one
I pushed the plate away "wait for dad."
"Rude." She walked away disappointed
We all sat to the table, getting breakfast.
"It's really good Zoey." Alice commented
"How did you manage not to burn it this time?" Dad smiled arrogantly
"I dreamed about mom." I don't know why I said that
He put down his fork and I guess he's lost his appetite. Alice just stayed in shock.
"What was it about?" Dad took a sip from his coffee
"She just stroked my head and sang to me."
Alice dropped her fork "excuse me." And went to her room
Dad got up and clears his and Alice's plates, without saying anything.
I went to check on her.
She was in her bad, crying to her pillow.
"Hey what's wrong?" I rubbed her back in circles
After she managed to control her words she started. "I just wish I would remember the feeling that's all."
I wiped a falling tear from her cheek "the fact I dreamed it doesn't say I remember her." I smiled lightly to make her feel better
"Did she has a face?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did you see her face?"
"Well yeah bu-"
"Then that's it." Tears again "you remember her."
I ran to my room and then back to hers again.
"What's that?" She asked
I showed we a picture of us four. My mom held her as a baby, my dad hugged my mom with one arm, and I was on my dad's shoulders. We looked so happy there.
"I think it was on your first birthday." I added
She ran her index finger on mom's head like she's trying to touch her.
It made me sad.
"I just gave you this so you'll remember you can't 'forget' her. She's your mom. And if you want to dream about her, there's your face."
She caught me by surprise and hugged me. I hugged her back.
"Alice you're late for school." Dad yelled from the living room.
I wiped her tears leftovers and she took her bagpack and left.
I stayed on her bed instead of doing something else. Just.. Looking at that picture. Trying to forget the fact those moments can't come back.