“Do you know what ‘Kristallnacht’ is?” Lynn asks me. I nod and start to explain it to her, even though the Second World War is not my favourite time period in history, history is still one of my favourite subjects.
“Thanks, would you mind if I turned the radio on?” Lynn asks when I’m done explaining to her.
“No, I can’t hear it anyways, it won’t bother me.” I laugh and push my laptop towards her. After some time I can see her slightly bobbing her head, assuming that there’s a song playing. I return back to my books, only one more chapter to go.
All of the sudden I can feel Lynn hastily tapping my shoulder, begging me for my attention. “They’re playing ‘She Looks So Perfect’!” she signs happily at me. I give her a weak smile, my obsession with Ashton had gone just as fast as it had come. The past two months I have tried to focus on school more, all of my tests were studied perfectly for, all of my assignments were done and handed in well on time. Anything to keep myself away from the music side of the internet, which is not that difficult considering I can’t hear it anyway. The radio is never turned on, I never zap to the music channels on the TV, I don’t even follow music artists on twitter – not even Ashton– I am pretty secluded from the “World of Music”.
Suddenly Lynn starts, what I assume must be, screaming while flapping her arms around like a retarded penguin, a thing Lynn and I refer to as “fangirling”. She pulls out her phone from her pocket and dials a number. Her fangirling still hasn’t died down.
“What’s happening? Are you alright? Don’t forget to breathe.” I sign at her while laughing. She lays down her phone and puts it on speaker, so she’s able to use both her hands to sign at me. “Beth! 5 seconds of summer! They’re giving away backstage passes! You could meet Ashton!”
Before I can even give her a response she starts talking to the radio DJ on the phone, bless her for signing along with what she’s saying.
“Hello, my name is Lynn Mealing and I’m here with my friend Beth McKenna.”
“Hello ladies! What are you up to right now?”
“Studying for our history class to be honest.”
“Hard working girls I see! So, you’re the first callers to come through, congratulations! Now, if you could give me the answer to the following question you win tickets to the “Where We Are” concert on the first of June in the Etihad Stadium in Manchester and backstage passes to meet the boys from 5 seconds of summer. Does that sound good?”
“Yes!” Lynn yells in the phone.
“Okay! What do the 5sos boys have to show up with to get you to run away too? A plane ticket and …?”
Lynn quickly responds with the correct answer, after discovering Ashton was my soulmate she became a huge fan of them. After her response all I see is Lynn fangirling even harder and saying “thank you” over and over again. The phone call lasts a lot longer than I expected, Lynn tells me that “they have to know some details”, which I’m guessing is my address because they’re going to have to send us our tickets.
When she’s finally done with the phone call, she throws herself on me in a ball of warm excitement, long blond hair and a grapefruit smell, nearly suffocating me with her tight hug. When she lets me go, she’s radiating happiness, smiling bigger than she ever has. I can’t smile back at her though, I stare at my hands and realise that I’m terrified.
Lynn notices, turns up the music, pulls me up from my bed by my hands and dances with me through my room. I can’t hear the music, but I let her drag me around while I copy her movements. After a while she stops dancing and tells me: “You’re meeting your soulmate! This time you’re really meeting him!” while pulling me into a hug and planting a kiss on my cheek.
One again I wake up to seeing zero days on my timer. The fact that I’ve been through this before doesn’t make the second time any easier, if anything it makes it even worse. Today Ashton will wake up with the exact same numbers as me, which will probably terrify him. At least I know who I am meeting, all the interviews and keeks have slightly prepared me for this moment. Ashton has no clue who he is meeting, he’s probably expecting a really pretty fan who knows all of his songs, who can enjoy all of his songs, a girl who is just as excited and outgoing as he is, he’s pretty much expecting Lynn. The fact that I know I’m nothing like her, nothing like the girl who would fit him perfectly is the worst part.
Then realisation hits me, what if his timer is not set for me, but set for Lynn? I know Ashton is not Lynn’s soulmate according to her timer, but can Lynn be Ashton’s perfect match?
I drag myself to the bathroom, feeling the ice cold water hit my back is causing me to shiver, yet I do not change the heat. The water numbs the feelings and thoughts that are racing through my body and mind right now. In a forlorn attempt to make myself feel better I shave my legs.
It’s nearly 12 when I walk into the kitchen, I slept surprisingly long, which is good, it leaves me with less hours to worry.
It’s immensely hot, people pushing me left and right, I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s nearly too crowded to try and sign, so instead Lynn and I just give each other worried looks. But as soon as they walk out on stage I forget about the sweaty bodies around me, I forget about the crowd and all my attention focusses on the back of the stage, right where the drum kit is. He looks perfect in his black vest and matching bandana and I’m pretty sure I forgot how to breathe. My eyes stay locked on Ashton while my right hand searched for Lynn’s, I hold it tight afraid that if I’ll let go I’ll lose my sanity along with it. I’ve never experience a concert before and it is one of the most terrifying and thrilling experiences I’ve ever had.
Normally I don’t really get invited to parties, because apart from Lynn I don’t have any real friends. People don’t know how to communicate with me so they just don’t. Due to the fact that I’ve never really been to any parties and the fact that my parents and Eliot never really play loud music, I was oblivious to how beautiful it is to feel the music pounding in my chest, like a massive herd of elephants is running through my body. And I love every second of it.
I’ve never been this happy, scared and sad all at once, happy to feel music, to watch them play, scared to be this close to my soulmate and sad because I can feel the music so clearly. I can see how much passion they have for what they’re doing on stage and everything is so real that I can almost hear it. I feel so close to hearing a sound, yet I know it’ll never come. I’ve never heard a sound in my life and I have no idea what it must be like to hear them, but sounds must be amazing if it draws this many people down to one stadium to enjoy them together.
The concert ends way sooner than I wanted it to and before I can fully realise it Lynn and I are walking backstage on our way to the meet and greet. We’re one of the last people to go in and immediately my left wrist starts giving the little clicks again.
There’s so many people.
Cameras are flashing and girls are jumping up and down.
The amount of security is insane.
But then again the fans are insane.
I spot Michael, there’s a girl clinging onto him for dear life in a suffocating hug.
I can feel my heart wanting to jump out of my chest.
I’m terrified, what if he isn’t happy to see me?
What if Ashton doesn’t want me to be his soulmate?
Where is Ashton anyways? I frantically look around.
My heart stops and I meet my soulmate for the second time, his eyes locking with mine. I forget about the crowded room, because right in this moment it’s just Ashton and I. His hazel eyes never leave mine as he walks across the room until he’s finally stood right in front of me, not paying attention to anyone else.
He startles me by moving his mouth, which brings me right back to reality. Ashton is hearing. Ashton can’t sign. I try to focus on his mouth moving, but I can’t figure out his lip patterns. His mouth moves rapidly with a, what I assume must be, very strong Australian accent. He doesn’t stop trying, I can see the questioning look in his eyes and I just want to cry. I want to crawl into a ball and cry because my soulmate is standing right in front of me and I can’t talk to him.
Instead I sign to him “sorry”.