16. Chapter 16
“Good luck!” I sign to the boys as they hurry out of the dressing room. “Thank you” Ashton signs and quickly pecks my cheek before making his way to the stage, playing his second night at the MetLife Stadium in New York City. I sit back down on the couch, reading a bit while One Direction lounges around, relaxing before they themselves have to go out on stage. “How long have you two been dating?” Harry signs to me, interrupting my reading. This is the question I was dreading, hoping they would never ask me this. “We’re not dating.” I respond. “Oh. Okay. That’s weird. You two look very in love.” Harry signs, being slightly taken aback by my previous comment. “We’re not in love.” I slowly sign. And even though Harry’s nod indicates that he doesn’t fully believe me, I am certain that we’re only friends. Since that night after their first concert in Toronto Ashton and I haven’t really kissed, not that what happened on the first of August could really be considered a “kiss”. The only thing that has happened between us since then, is Ashton giving me a peck on my cheek before they go out on stage and as a goodnight kiss. The past three nights Ashton and I didn’t even share a bed, so no, we’re definitely not dating. And I’m not entirely sure what I want us to be, I have not yet figured my feelings out for him. “… don’t love … . … always fighting.” Niall yells over his shoulder, only momentarily taking his eyes off of his game of FIFA. This causes Louis to laugh. “Yeah, you’re a very angry person. Ashton never used to get mad or even raise his voice, he’s a very peaceful person unless he’s with you, I suppose.” He signs at me. I hastily shake my head “I’m not an angry person at all, I’m very quiet usually and very insecure. I only got into a big fight once and that was with my parents.” “Then why do you and Ashton always fight?” Louis asks slightly confused. And I honestly don’t know, I don’t know how he brings out the worst in me and apparently I bring out the worst in him. So maybe, it is for the better that we’re not dating. After the questionnaire Harry crawls back into the warmth of Louis’s arms before having to go on stage and having to pretend that their significant other doesn’t exist. And I find myself wondering if that’s what it would be like if I dated Ashton, if we would have to keep our relationship hidden from the public eye. I know that out of precautions all the boys, both from 5 Seconds of Summer and One Direction, keep their timers hidden. So I suppose they don’t even know that Ashton’s timer has reached zero yet, let’s hope it stays this way, fan hate is not something I’m looking forward to. I never chose Ashton, fate decided for us, Ashton is definitely more than I asked for in a soulmate, the fame, his hearing, the fans, the drumming, touring, everything is a bit overwhelming, but I won’t give up on trying to keep up with him. --- The guys don’t get many free days since they have concerts every night or travelling to different cities for even more concerts. Since the travelling was done during the night, this day had been completely free, not even one interview was planned for today. But I suppose they don’t really deal with free days that well, considering I’m sat in front of a drum kit, watching Ashton rehearse even though he does that same songs every night. Ashton’s whole world revolves around music even more than I originally thought, he plays concerts, rehearses for said concerts, writes music for upcoming albums and sings or listens to music while doing “normal” activities like taking a shower or tidying up, music is never not a part of his life. Ashton puts down his drum sticks and motions for me to come over. He takes my hands and lays them on one of the drums, I keep my hands there as he starts playing again. I can feel the sound vibrations, never would I have thought that it would’ve been so easy to feel the beat of music by touching the drums, it feels absolutely amazing. I must have the most ridiculous smile on my face, but I don’t care, because when I look up, tearing my gaze away from my hands, I can see that Ashton has a similar happiness showing in his face as he helps me experience music. I’m taken aback a bit when he abruptly stands up and stops drumming, motioning to sit on his seat. “But I’m deaf! I can’t drum, I can’t even hear the music!” I start panicking. Playing instruments is probably the very last thing I thought I’d ever do, that and making phone calls of course. Ashton, however, is very calm in this situation. “You feel the music? You know numbers? You c-o-u-n-t?” And after nodding to his questions Ashton starts smiling and adds: “You learn drum.” I’m terrified, but don’t object, because I trust Ashton, I know that he knows what he’s doing. I take my seat and hold the drum sticks, starting off at a very slow and easy pace, while I carefully count my every movement, but soon Ashton starts giving me directions, making it more and more difficult. “And that’s it! Your first song.” He happily signs, he also informs me of the song title, but I don’t bother paying attention to it, I don’t know the song anyway. “Thank you, Ash. That was really cool.” I tell him while I mentally add drumming to the list of all the things I have experienced with Ashton. I get up from the seat again so that Ashton can start rehearsing again, but rather than drumming again he pulls me into a hug and I can feel him starting to speak, his lips softly moving against my forehead. And even though I can’t lip read him like this, I can tell, by the way he holds me close to his chest while letting his breath softly draw words in the air, that it’s important. His soft words hold a lot of meaning and I can feel goose bumps on my skin without even seeing or hearing the words. He lets go and starts drumming again, I take my usual spot, sitting cross legged in front of him as I try to slow my heart down as it beats simultaneously with the beating of the drums. My heart never slows down when I’m with Ashton, it always feels like I’m running a marathon, trying to keep up with him. After finally laying down his drum sticks Ashton seems nervous, his hands slightly shaking as he tries to sign to me. “I want d-a-t-e with you, you want?” he asks. “You want to go on a date with me?” I reply, trying to keep my jaw from dropping to the floor due to being so surprised by his question. He nods and I feel like he’s trying to keep himself composed, trying to look as casual as possible, however the slight blush on his cheeks gives it away. “Alright.” I sign. “We can try to go on a date.” His response smile shows off his dimples that are even deeper than the Mariana Trench. God, the things this boy does to me.