Last night in the woods, it was awkward. I have felt awkward before but this was weird, more weird then usual. Yesterday, I lied to Angelina. She asked me why I didn't kill her, and to be honest, I don't even know why. I felt an emotion to kill her, but a stronger weirder emotion came up. I had no idea what it was, it wasn't anything I had experienced before, or at least I don't think I have.
I was deep, deep in the woods. It was cold. Winter was coming soon. I had no place to stay, I hadn't thought about that. I use to go back to my old house and stay there, but now I just live in the woods. I only know one place where I can go, but it will be tricky. I started thinking about Angelina, and why I spare her so much, I had never spared anyone. No one at all. Everyone I see or meet they end up dead, she's not dead, she's still alive and living.
Why? I don't know. I need to comprehend it. I need to comprehend the fact of why, I'm not killing her and seeing her suffer. Seeing her bleed out, seeing her suffer, cry for mercy, leaving her to die. Instead I see her live. I attacked her a lot of times, I can't seem to get to kill her. I walked down the woods, cracking leafs and twigs, making my way running, and laughing, thinking and thinking. I wasn't sure what I was going to say or how Angie, may react.
I got to her house and climbed up the window. I opened the window quietly. making sure she didn't see me. Yet. She was sleeping on her bed, like the first time I attacked her. I jumped on her and covered her mouth. I took my knife out and put it near her throat. "Now Angelina. Calm down and I'll put the knife away. But you can't scream. Okay?" I told her while making my knife go closer almost cutting her neck open.
She nodded and I took the knife and my hand away. She looked scared but it went away. Am I not scary? She walked over to her door and closed it and locked it. "What are y-you doing here Jeff?" She asked me. I was sitting on he bed. "It's cold out, and I'm tired. I needed a place to stay." I told her she came closer little by little. "And you think staying at my house is okay? You attacked me 2 times almost killed me. Yet you think I'll let you stay in my house?" She told me a bit mad. I looked at the ground and whispered. "Yes." She looked around.
It was hard to see since it was dark in her room. She looked around and then she stopped and stared at me. She mumbled something under her breath. "Look Jeff, you can stay just for tonight, but if you even think about attacking me, my mother or my father. You'll die." She said looking at me furiously. I nodded. "I can't promise anything." I told her while getting off her bed. "Jeff, there's a window right there. If you're gonna kill someone in this house, then I recommend you leave now." She said before she got in her bed and under her sheets.
"Um...Angelina. Where do I sleep?" I asked her while sitting on the carpet floor she has. She truned around and I saw her hands, and arms. They were covered in bandages. She noticed I was staring. "You did them, did you feel pleasure while cutting my skin?" She asked me as she got up to get a blanket and extra pillow. I looked at her. "No." I whispered, she turned around and looked at me. She sat across from me. "No? I thought you felt happy if someone suffers?" She asked me. I looked at her. "I do...just not with you." I told her. I grabbed the pillow and blanket and tried to forget about what we just talked about.
She went to her bed and fell asleep. I stayed up. What makes me not feel pleasure while making her suffer? I tried thinking and thinking. I looked at her as she slept. She looked...beautiful? I never thought I'd ever say that to anyone. Ever.
What is going on?
What's this feeling inside of me?
What's is wrong with me?